Is there a kind way to stop MIL from using a pet name for my kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Spouses and kids are in different categories. A pet name for a spouse is not the same as a pet name for a kid. If the child truly has an issue with the nickname and is not feeding off your issues trying to pleases you she can tell grandma. If she really only wants you to call her the name keep it at home


2. This isn't about gma or even the nickname it's about you and your own insecurities and intimacy issues.. if I were to guess you have a lot of guilt/ anxiety over your role as mom and it manifests as this.


3. I somewhat expect that you are a troll who is sickpuppetting people to agree with you

You nailed it on all 3. Good job.

Not following your armchair psychology with #2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really weird. You really insist that only you and your husband use the name? Then why are you using it in front of other people? I think you're being way too sensitive about this OP. And you need to learn that you cannot control other people, you can only control your response to them. So get over it.

Besides, this is the child's grandmother. Of course she should be able to call your child by a pet name. Sheesh.

+1

[Anonymous]

How is a nickname a "level of intimacy?" I am truly confused by this. My three kids have a ton of nicknames and some stick and some don't. One kid likes one particular nickname only I use, but I only use it in private when it's just the two of us. I am baffled by this post and people who can relate to it. (PS in fact, isn't it better for Grandma to use a nickname you approve of than come up w/something terrible?)

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the logic that if a name is used in public “anyone can use it”. That certainly doesn’t apply to adults. At daycare pickup I hear a lot of moms greet their kids by pet names— that doesn’t mean when I see Brandon I say “oh hi Bam Bam!” Or I see Lily I say “how is school Lizard!” because that’s their parents pet name and, as others said, implies a level of closeness.

My best friend calls me beans. If someone else did I would find it extremely jarring and ask them to stop. If I was a child I would have wanted my mom to make them stop rather than make me do it, just like with other unwanted encounters.

[Anonymous]

Another thought— that the MiL kept using it after DIL asked her not to is rude regardless. Even if you think they’re nuts, you follow a parents direction for their kid. You can roll your eyes and post on DCUM about it later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

I appreciate the responses, even the ones telling me to get therapy! I posted precisely because I know that this shouldn't bother me as much as it does. I will keep trying to let it go from my perspective, but when my daughter looks uncomfortable, I want to help her.

I think the poster who said that the nickname implied a level of intimacy that MIL does not have hit the nail on the head. It's almost like hearing a school teacher or a cashier call you honey-love-buns or some other nonsense. MIL is not a touchy feely lovey person and we're not that close, so it's disconcerting.

My daughter might not want me calling her the nickname in front of her elementary school class, but it's how she refers to herself at home (e.g., yesterday she left a note and signed it with the nickname, she used it last week on our Scrabble scoresheet). I do appreciate the reminder that she may grow out of us using the nickname. That will likely happen.

I'll remind my daughter that she can always tell people, including me, if she wants to be called a certain way. TY!

You may not be close to your MIL but as long as she is a decent human, you want to foster her closeness with your daughter.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. I have a nickname for my DC and would not want Grandma to use it. I’m not sure what you can do about it, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another thought— that the MiL kept using it after DIL asked her not to is rude regardless. Even if you think they’re nuts, you follow a parents direction for their kid. You can roll your eyes and post on DCUM about it later.

She didn’t ask her not to use it. It’s not clear at all that MIL knows it’s a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thought— that the MiL kept using it after DIL asked her not to is rude regardless. Even if you think they’re nuts, you follow a parents direction for their kid. You can roll your eyes and post on DCUM about it later.

She didn’t ask her not to use it. It’s not clear at all that MIL knows it’s a problem.

You may want to re-read the OP.