I think grandparents are out of touch now because a lot of us waited so long to have kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Still doesn't give you license to insult a whole generation.

And yet Boomers routinely use anecdotes to generalize about and insult other generations? See, e.g., any discussion about Millennials in the workplace.

I realize that multiple anecdotes =/= data, but I have a number of friends whose Boomer parents are detached grandparents who are more concerned with their own lives and social activities than their grandchildren. Maybe this is just my/our misfortune, and maybe the difference is divorced vs. non-divorced Boomers, but possibly you should consider that your experience as devoted Boomer grandparents is the outlier, not mine.

I’m sorry but I have to agree. The boomers were a real something of a generation. I don’t think it’s the “waited to have kids” thing; I had my first at 30 so not super young but I didn’t have my first ten years later, either. It’s not the polite thing to say, but I think the massive damage that the Greatest Generation had (born into or just after the Flu Pandemic, the Depression and then the world war) really did a number on the boomers. In general, obviously, as not all of them emerged with damage, but I just think it’s a generational thing.

+100

My grandparents (“Greatest Generation”) were violent alcoholics. My parents grew up with abuse snd neglect, but no one called that back then. I’ve known since I was young that my parents are emotionally stunted. I feel bad for them, but I also feel sad for myself because it obviously seriously impacted my own childhood and my relationship with them. They often look to me to fulfill emotional needs they never had filled as children. It’s not healthy and I’ve had to establish firm boundaries with them.

This absolutely plays into their expectations as grandparents. They want their grandkids to fill that hole in their lives left by their awful parents (who no doubt had their own trauma that never got addressed). The idea that it is the role of adults to love and support children and help to fulfill their needs is confusing for my parents. In terms of emotional development, they are themselves still children. And there’s nothing I can do about it— I can’t parent them and I’m not their therapist.

[Anonymous]

My mil is very selfish and has zero maternal instinct… I had my first child at 24 when she was 52… she is just an awful person regardless of age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, I am just going to say it: the Boomers are selfish, narcissistic, terrible grandparents. My kids have four grandparents and two step-grandparents, all Boomers, and all are far too involved in their own lives to establish relationships with my kids. And it is not a "disconnected from little kids" thing. My kids are now tweens/teens and this has been a constant throughout their lives. It's not age related, either. My mom was 57 when my first kid was born and decided to move to a foreign country because "that's where her soul needs to be."

My grandmother was a raging alcoholic who died at 59, and she was a more loving, involved grandparent than either my parents or in laws.

No wonder, you sound like such a *nice* person.

[Anonymous]

No wonder, you sound like such a *nice* person.

This has been asked and answered. Read the thread, then move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think some of this also has to do with the changing expectations of caring for children. When we were growing up, what you had to do to be considered a good parent is VASTLY different than what you need to do these days. When we were growing up our parents were a lot less involved in our lives, didn't necessarily provide tons of emotional support, etc. So it's reasonable that their styles as grandparents would be similar to their styles as parents.

Speak for yourself. I wasn't raised that way, and I didn't raise my kids that way.

-- 62 year old grandmother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Still doesn't give you license to insult a whole generation.

And yet Boomers routinely use anecdotes to generalize about and insult other generations? See, e.g., any discussion about Millennials in the workplace.

I realize that multiple anecdotes =/= data, but I have a number of friends whose Boomer parents are detached grandparents who are more concerned with their own lives and social activities than their grandchildren. Maybe this is just my/our misfortune, and maybe the difference is divorced vs. non-divorced Boomers, but possibly you should consider that your experience as devoted Boomer grandparents is the outlier, not mine.

You are again generalizing. And even if you're right, well, two wrongs don't make a right.

Look, you had awful parents and they turned into awful grandparents. Ok. Doesn't mean everybody did.

[Anonymous]

Those of you with such “out of touch” grandparents sound miserable to be around. I may send my grandkids parents a huge gift tomorrow for appreciating what I do for them and allowing me to also live my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Still doesn't give you license to insult a whole generation.

And yet Boomers routinely use anecdotes to generalize about and insult other generations? See, e.g., any discussion about Millennials in the workplace.

I realize that multiple anecdotes =/= data, but I have a number of friends whose Boomer parents are detached grandparents who are more concerned with their own lives and social activities than their grandchildren. Maybe this is just my/our misfortune, and maybe the difference is divorced vs. non-divorced Boomers, but possibly you should consider that your experience as devoted Boomer grandparents is the outlier, not mine.

And I have many boomer friends who are totally devoted to their grandkids and none who are not. You might want to consider that your experience is the outlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with such “out of touch” grandparents sound miserable to be around. I may send my grandkids parents a huge gift tomorrow for appreciating what I do for them and allowing me to also live my life.

+1000

My sense is that there are a lot of working women on this thread who are frustrated because they expected their mothers to be their children's babysitters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with such “out of touch” grandparents sound miserable to be around. I may send my grandkids parents a huge gift tomorrow for appreciating what I do for them and allowing me to also live my life.

If, on the off chance you're my early-model Boomer mom or MIL, no need! I already appreciate the kind things you do while also leading very happy and healthy retired lives. It's great when you come to see the kids, or communicate through the many ways we now have:Zoom, Facetime, text and email as appropriate. Your stepping back as appropriate is noted. You raised your children; you let yours raise theirs, but with your love and support.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with such “out of touch” grandparents sound miserable to be around. I may send my grandkids parents a huge gift tomorrow for appreciating what I do for them and allowing me to also live my life.

+1000

My sense is that there are a lot of working women on this thread who are frustrated because they expected their mothers to be their children's babysitters.

This! Grandparents should be able to live their lives too and it does not need to revolve around grandchildren as the main focus. Geeesh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with such “out of touch” grandparents sound miserable to be around. I may send my grandkids parents a huge gift tomorrow for appreciating what I do for them and allowing me to also live my life.

+1000

My sense is that there are a lot of working women on this thread who are frustrated because they expected their mothers to be their children's babysitters.

This! Grandparents should be able to live their lives too and it does not need to revolve around grandchildren as the main focus. Geeesh!

This was the situation with my mom/grandma. Boomer mom had me at 25 and thought my Greatest Generation grandma would babysit so she could work. Turns out my grandma, who still had kids under 18 at home herself, wasn't keen to the idea. My mom, who did not have a high paying job, dropped out of the workforce when my younger brother was born and Never. Got. Over. It. Among other things. But even I can see that while my grandma was a WONDERFUL grandmother to me and my siblings/cousins, she wasn't always the greatest MOM.

The more things change, the more they remain the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Still doesn't give you license to insult a whole generation.

And yet Boomers routinely use anecdotes to generalize about and insult other generations? See, e.g., any discussion about Millennials in the workplace.

I realize that multiple anecdotes =/= data, but I have a number of friends whose Boomer parents are detached grandparents who are more concerned with their own lives and social activities than their grandchildren. Maybe this is just my/our misfortune, and maybe the difference is divorced vs. non-divorced Boomers, but possibly you should consider that your experience as devoted Boomer grandparents is the outlier, not mine.

I’m sorry but I have to agree. The boomers were a real something of a generation. I don’t think it’s the “waited to have kids” thing; I had my first at 30 so not super young but I didn’t have my first ten years later, either. It’s not the polite thing to say, but I think the massive damage that the Greatest Generation had (born into or just after the Flu Pandemic, the Depression and then the world war) really did a number on the boomers. In general, obviously, as not all of them emerged with damage, but I just think it’s a generational thing.

The Greatest Generation had it really rough in their younger years, so when they had kids of their own (Boomers) they typically excessively doted on them and spoiled them. For some Boomers, this may have given them a solid foundation to also be caring and generous. But for other Boomers (like my parents and most of the Boomers I know) it made them selfish and self centered. "It's all about me" is a motto my parents, ILs, and other I know follow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Still doesn't give you license to insult a whole generation.

And yet Boomers routinely use anecdotes to generalize about and insult other generations? See, e.g., any discussion about Millennials in the workplace.

I realize that multiple anecdotes =/= data, but I have a number of friends whose Boomer parents are detached grandparents who are more concerned with their own lives and social activities than their grandchildren. Maybe this is just my/our misfortune, and maybe the difference is divorced vs. non-divorced Boomers, but possibly you should consider that your experience as devoted Boomer grandparents is the outlier, not mine.

I’m sorry but I have to agree. The boomers were a real something of a generation. I don’t think it’s the “waited to have kids” thing; I had my first at 30 so not super young but I didn’t have my first ten years later, either. It’s not the polite thing to say, but I think the massive damage that the Greatest Generation had (born into or just after the Flu Pandemic, the Depression and then the world war) really did a number on the boomers. In general, obviously, as not all of them emerged with damage, but I just think it’s a generational thing.

The Greatest Generation had it really rough in their younger years, so when they had kids of their own (Boomers) they typically excessively doted on them and spoiled them. For some Boomers, this may have given them a solid foundation to also be caring and generous. But for other Boomers (like my parents and most of the Boomers I know) it made them selfish and self centered. "It's all about me" is a motto my parents, ILs, and other I know follow.

HAHAHAHAHA

I've never seen a group of people more self-absorbed in my life than the women of DCUM! The irony.

[Anonymous]

Age is unlikely to be the reason. Staying social in general and using your brain is- through work, temple, community, friends.

My parents were 35 and we were 34 for kids, everyone is having a blast the last 8 years of grandkids.