Was this odd? Taking all the leftovers of what you brought home?

[Anonymous]

I would be really nervous if I were your friend,, because I'd be afraid of doing something wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh, I have probably done something similar dozens of times, and the same with my friends. I guess I’m in the wrong, but it seems weird to me to bring something and leave it there, unless it’s like a hostess gift. Now I know better! Take pity on your friends who don’t know any better, I don’t remember going to any dinner parties with my parents, just informal backyard BBQs and we definitely brought back whatever was left in the casserole dish.

Same. I didn't know it was rude, so I'm learning. Typically the events/meals we go to are more of a potluck, with the hostess providing a main dish and others bringing sides/beverages (BYOB), so maybe that's different than being invited over for a dinner? Everyone takes home the leftovers of their dish and their beverages.

At the end of our big family meals like Thanksgiving, everyone makes to go containers of various foods.

^This is the distinction--if it's a potluck, you can assume the leftovers are for everyone and you can take your item back with you if it wasn't eaten. The OP indicated that it was a planned meal and the guest offered to bring dessert. In that case, the dessert would have typically been a gift to the host.

DP

PP, honestly, thank you so much for this framing. It really helps to understand.

I wasn't raised with dinner parties. It was always people coming to our place for a holiday meal (and I didn't notice growing up who took what at the end), or it was university group potlucks, or the potlucks where I am now (a lot of people living in a remote area together that do block party sort of potlucks).

I very rarely go to dinners now. I was invited over Thanksgiving to a co-worker's place, along with two others, and I brought a lot --the main dish, an appetizer, a desert, and a homemade bread. I helped pack things up for the fridge after, and because of this thread I just offered to take anything she didn't have room for (tiny apartment) but ended up leaving it all.

Honestly, I'd rather leave it! I don't want to work my way through yet more leftovers. But now that I can see it is a gift (not a potluck), it helps me so much. I'm much easier with it. I know now I was already supposed to know this, but it would have felt like a burden to leave things otherwise.

Thank you, PP! And thank you, DCUM! I will remember and be entirely proper about it from here on out.

There is nothing "proper" about the advice you're being given. It was completely "proper" that the person who brought the pie took the remnants home.

Please don't listen to this foolish guidance that you are being improper. It is not a gift to leave the remnants for your host. A true hostess gift is something else, like a bottle of wine or coasters or dish towels or something. A true hostess gift is not 2 slices of pie. Sheesh.

Didn't your mom ever tell you not to believe everything you read on the internet? Just because there is one person validating this thread repeatedly doesn't mean it is true.

DP.

Speaking of what parents did (or didn't) teach you regarding politeness ... probably worth some remediation there, PP.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with both planned parties and potlucks. There is a difference. Thanksgiving is unique in that people will bring dishes to an otherwise planned party, just because of sheer number of dishes that are expected. However, if the host is providing the majority of dishes, it’s a planned party. In that case, typically at the end, the host will control how the leftovers are given out— typically by asking people to take what they want, and providing the Tupperware/etc to allow guests to take what they want. If the person with the dessert really wanted to take what was left (after everyone else took what they wanted), typically that person would ask the host if they could take it back, and ask the host to please take what they want for themselves.

[Anonymous]

I'd leave it if it was in a disposable dish but wouldn't feel obligated to leave a non-disposable dish, especially if I really like the dish and don't see the hosts very often.

For those of you who use a non-disposable dish that you don't want to leave, what do you do with the food when you are leaving? Ask the host if they want to transfer it to another plate or Tupperware? What if you're the host and don't want the guest to leave the food bc you won't eat it or don't have space for it?

[Anonymous]

Super tacky. You leave the leftovers with the host. I put a label on the bottom of my serving dishes. It’s easy to pick up later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Super tacky. You leave the leftovers with the host. I put a label on the bottom of my serving dishes. It’s easy to pick up later.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh, I have probably done something similar dozens of times, and the same with my friends. I guess I’m in the wrong, but it seems weird to me to bring something and leave it there, unless it’s like a hostess gift. Now I know better! Take pity on your friends who don’t know any better, I don’t remember going to any dinner parties with my parents, just informal backyard BBQs and we definitely brought back whatever was left in the casserole dish.

Same. I didn't know it was rude, so I'm learning. Typically the events/meals we go to are more of a potluck, with the hostess providing a main dish and others bringing sides/beverages (BYOB), so maybe that's different than being invited over for a dinner? Everyone takes home the leftovers of their dish and their beverages.

At the end of our big family meals like Thanksgiving, everyone makes to go containers of various foods.

^This is the distinction--if it's a potluck, you can assume the leftovers are for everyone and you can take your item back with you if it wasn't eaten. The OP indicated that it was a planned meal and the guest offered to bring dessert. In that case, the dessert would have typically been a gift to the host.

I completely disagree. The dessert was a gift to all in attendance and it was certainly the pie maker's prerogative to take home the pie leftovers. If I was the host then I would have wrapped up the rest of the pie because I was expecting the maker to take it home.

Frankly OP's post make it seem like OP (the host) is being greedy.

Actually, the guest is the one who offered to bring dessert. It was a gift. To take it back is odd unless it was offered to take home by the host. It's also not clear if the ice cream was brought by the guest or if it was from the host. Just odd all the way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Super tacky. You leave the leftovers with the host. I put a label on the bottom of my serving dishes. It’s easy to pick up later.

What if it's someone you don't really know well, don't see often, or don't live near? It seems kind of awkward and cheap to reach out and ask them if you can swing by for your serving dish later, doesn't it? I guess just be prepared to replace it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We participate in a lot of potlucks. Food is divvied up after the party so that everyone gets some portion of every dish….EXCEPT…people don’t take the dish that they provided. It is assumed that they have already kept what they needed for their family at home before coming to the party.

White people problems, op??

^That's really unnecessary.

No. It is the truth. White people are taught to be individualistic and self-centered. Worked for colonizing the world for sure, but it is low class when you are in social settings.

Your contribution to a potluck is a contribution to the entire group of participants. They get to divvy up the leftovers for your dish (unless you are a terrible cook) and you get a share in the leftovers they bring. White people have no idea of reciprocity and good manners. In a country where food is so plentiful, White people seem to be the least generous and hospitable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know what friends do? They love and accept their friends as they are. They don’t get all bent out of shape over small things like pie. We all have odd little things that we do. The gracious thing to do is say “It was lovely of Linda to bring a pie. We so enjoyed her company.”

Agreed. Where is the grace and thankfulness? Many of the responses here lack basic compassion, gracious hospitality, and tact. Did you really need that pie, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We participate in a lot of potlucks. Food is divvied up after the party so that everyone gets some portion of every dish….EXCEPT…people don’t take the dish that they provided. It is assumed that they have already kept what they needed for their family at home before coming to the party.

White people problems, op??

^That's really unnecessary.

No. It is the truth. White people are taught to be individualistic and self-centered. Worked for colonizing the world for sure, but it is low class when you are in social settings.

Your contribution to a potluck is a contribution to the entire group of participants. They get to divvy up the leftovers for your dish (unless you are a terrible cook) and you get a share in the leftovers they bring. White people have no idea of reciprocity and good manners. In a country where food is so plentiful, White people seem to be the least generous and hospitable.

It wasn't a potluck. It was a dinner at OP's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We participate in a lot of potlucks. Food is divvied up after the party so that everyone gets some portion of every dish….EXCEPT…people don’t take the dish that they provided. It is assumed that they have already kept what they needed for their family at home before coming to the party.

White people problems, op??

^That's really unnecessary.

No. It is the truth. White people are taught to be individualistic and self-centered. Worked for colonizing the world for sure, but it is low class when you are in social settings.

Your contribution to a potluck is a contribution to the entire group of participants. They get to divvy up the leftovers for your dish (unless you are a terrible cook) and you get a share in the leftovers they bring. White people have no idea of reciprocity and good manners. In a country where food is so plentiful, White people seem to be the least generous and hospitable.

I can not imagine this...20 people all scooping a 1/4 cup of leftover mac and cheese and a scoop of potato salad and 2 rolls and on and on into some kind of container. We do pot luck all the time and most of the time people take home what they brought or they might say...we are heading out of town tomorrow can anyone use this?...that kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I host a lot of potlucks for friends gathering, and I prefer that guests took leftovers home. I don't really care if they take theirs or mine or someone elses, as long as I don't end up with fridge full of stuff.

Yes, honestly who wants a bunch of old potluck leftovers sitting around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I host a lot of potlucks for friends gathering, and I prefer that guests took leftovers home. I don't really care if they take theirs or mine or someone elses, as long as I don't end up with fridge full of stuff.

Yes, honestly who wants a bunch of old potluck leftovers sitting around?

Again, this wasn't a potluck. The guest brought dessert to a planned party. Nobody is debating whether or not you take anything home from potluck--that is pretty much agreed upon that you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Super tacky. You leave the leftovers with the host. I put a label on the bottom of my serving dishes. It’s easy to pick up later.

+1

So the host has to wash all your dishes?
If I've brought something, I ask the host if they'd like the leftovers, fill whatever container they offer, and bring the rest home. If a guest walked off with their contribution without offering, I honestly wouldn't notice or care.
This does not reach the threshold of etiquette/rude.
There is a really big difference between offering a bottle of wine that the host may choose to share that night (and then keep), and bringing an assigned component (and reserving the leftovers).