Was this odd? Taking all the leftovers of what you brought home?

[Anonymous]

Huh, I have probably done something similar dozens of times, and the same with my friends. I guess I’m in the wrong, but it seems weird to me to bring something and leave it there, unless it’s like a hostess gift. Now I know better! Take pity on your friends who don’t know any better, I don’t remember going to any dinner parties with my parents, just informal backyard BBQs and we definitely brought back whatever was left in the casserole dish.

[Anonymous]

My sister did this. I made everything but the green bean casserole. She took all of the leftovers of that along with some leftovers of everything I made.
But that’s my sister.
Some people wonder if the things they do are rude, and some people have never given a moments thought to whether they are rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh, I have probably done something similar dozens of times, and the same with my friends. I guess I’m in the wrong, but it seems weird to me to bring something and leave it there, unless it’s like a hostess gift. Now I know better! Take pity on your friends who don’t know any better, I don’t remember going to any dinner parties with my parents, just informal backyard BBQs and we definitely brought back whatever was left in the casserole dish.

Same. I didn't know it was rude, so I'm learning. Typically the events/meals we go to are more of a potluck, with the hostess providing a main dish and others bringing sides/beverages (BYOB), so maybe that's different than being invited over for a dinner? Everyone takes home the leftovers of their dish and their beverages.

At the end of our big family meals like Thanksgiving, everyone makes to go containers of various foods.

[Anonymous]

You know what friends do? They love and accept their friends as they are. They don’t get all bent out of shape over small things like pie. We all have odd little things that we do. The gracious thing to do is say “It was lovely of Linda to bring a pie. We so enjoyed her company.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh, I have probably done something similar dozens of times, and the same with my friends. I guess I’m in the wrong, but it seems weird to me to bring something and leave it there, unless it’s like a hostess gift. Now I know better! Take pity on your friends who don’t know any better, I don’t remember going to any dinner parties with my parents, just informal backyard BBQs and we definitely brought back whatever was left in the casserole dish.

Same. I didn't know it was rude, so I'm learning. Typically the events/meals we go to are more of a potluck, with the hostess providing a main dish and others bringing sides/beverages (BYOB), so maybe that's different than being invited over for a dinner? Everyone takes home the leftovers of their dish and their beverages.

At the end of our big family meals like Thanksgiving, everyone makes to go containers of various foods.

^This is the distinction--if it's a potluck, you can assume the leftovers are for everyone and you can take your item back with you if it wasn't eaten. The OP indicated that it was a planned meal and the guest offered to bring dessert. In that case, the dessert would have typically been a gift to the host.

[Anonymous]

In days of youth we all did potlucks rather than have one person have the expense of hosting. At the potlucks every one took home the leftovers, or shared with others. It took me a few years to transition to “host keeps” as the first option. Now we just expect that. Maybe your neighbor comes from a community that shared food together and everyone took stuff home?

[Anonymous]

Did you and your partner eat the pie during dessert?

My sister and her DH are health nuts who will take a bite or two of whatever dessert I bring to be polite. I know they’ll toss it if I leave it behind, so I always take the leftover dessert with me after offering to leave some behind (they always decline by saying they dont have space…they have a ginormous subzero in their kitchen plus a huge fridge in their garage).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh, I have probably done something similar dozens of times, and the same with my friends. I guess I’m in the wrong, but it seems weird to me to bring something and leave it there, unless it’s like a hostess gift. Now I know better! Take pity on your friends who don’t know any better, I don’t remember going to any dinner parties with my parents, just informal backyard BBQs and we definitely brought back whatever was left in the casserole dish.

Same. I didn't know it was rude, so I'm learning. Typically the events/meals we go to are more of a potluck, with the hostess providing a main dish and others bringing sides/beverages (BYOB), so maybe that's different than being invited over for a dinner? Everyone takes home the leftovers of their dish and their beverages.

At the end of our big family meals like Thanksgiving, everyone makes to go containers of various foods.

+1, although I often offer to leave behind before I take something. In our friend circle, we are all usually honest "that was great, but we won't eat the leftovers please take it" or one of us might say "do you want to split this?" and the hostess and the guest each keep some of whatever it is. We also aren't super fancy so the casual approach works among us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh, I have probably done something similar dozens of times, and the same with my friends. I guess I’m in the wrong, but it seems weird to me to bring something and leave it there, unless it’s like a hostess gift. Now I know better! Take pity on your friends who don’t know any better, I don’t remember going to any dinner parties with my parents, just informal backyard BBQs and we definitely brought back whatever was left in the casserole dish.

Same. I didn't know it was rude, so I'm learning. Typically the events/meals we go to are more of a potluck, with the hostess providing a main dish and others bringing sides/beverages (BYOB), so maybe that's different than being invited over for a dinner? Everyone takes home the leftovers of their dish and their beverages.

At the end of our big family meals like Thanksgiving, everyone makes to go containers of various foods.

^This is the distinction--if it's a potluck, you can assume the leftovers are for everyone and you can take your item back with you if it wasn't eaten. The OP indicated that it was a planned meal and the guest offered to bring dessert. In that case, the dessert would have typically been a gift to the host.

I completely disagree. The dessert was a gift to all in attendance and it was certainly the pie maker's prerogative to take home the pie leftovers. If I was the host then I would have wrapped up the rest of the pie because I was expecting the maker to take it home.

Frankly OP's post make it seem like OP (the host) is being greedy.

[Anonymous]

Potluck or not, it's poor form to take home a half-eaten pie UNLESS cleared with the host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh, I have probably done something similar dozens of times, and the same with my friends. I guess I’m in the wrong, but it seems weird to me to bring something and leave it there, unless it’s like a hostess gift. Now I know better! Take pity on your friends who don’t know any better, I don’t remember going to any dinner parties with my parents, just informal backyard BBQs and we definitely brought back whatever was left in the casserole dish.

Same. I didn't know it was rude, so I'm learning. Typically the events/meals we go to are more of a potluck, with the hostess providing a main dish and others bringing sides/beverages (BYOB), so maybe that's different than being invited over for a dinner? Everyone takes home the leftovers of their dish and their beverages.

At the end of our big family meals like Thanksgiving, everyone makes to go containers of various foods.

^This is the distinction--if it's a potluck, you can assume the leftovers are for everyone and you can take your item back with you if it wasn't eaten. The OP indicated that it was a planned meal and the guest offered to bring dessert. In that case, the dessert would have typically been a gift to the host.

DP

PP, honestly, thank you so much for this framing. It really helps to understand.

I wasn't raised with dinner parties. It was always people coming to our place for a holiday meal (and I didn't notice growing up who took what at the end), or it was university group potlucks, or the potlucks where I am now (a lot of people living in a remote area together that do block party sort of potlucks).

I very rarely go to dinners now. I was invited over Thanksgiving to a co-worker's place, along with two others, and I brought a lot --the main dish, an appetizer, a desert, and a homemade bread. I helped pack things up for the fridge after, and because of this thread I just offered to take anything she didn't have room for (tiny apartment) but ended up leaving it all.

Honestly, I'd rather leave it! I don't want to work my way through yet more leftovers. But now that I can see it is a gift (not a potluck), it helps me so much. I'm much easier with it. I know now I was already supposed to know this, but it would have felt like a burden to leave things otherwise.

Thank you, PP! And thank you, DCUM! I will remember and be entirely proper about it from here on out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know what friends do? They love and accept their friends as they are. They don’t get all bent out of shape over small things like pie. We all have odd little things that we do. The gracious thing to do is say “It was lovely of Linda to bring a pie. We so enjoyed her company.”

+1 Although I would amend it slightly "It was lovely of Linda to bring a pie. We so enjoyed her company and her yummy pie!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh, I have probably done something similar dozens of times, and the same with my friends. I guess I’m in the wrong, but it seems weird to me to bring something and leave it there, unless it’s like a hostess gift. Now I know better! Take pity on your friends who don’t know any better, I don’t remember going to any dinner parties with my parents, just informal backyard BBQs and we definitely brought back whatever was left in the casserole dish.

Same. I didn't know it was rude, so I'm learning. Typically the events/meals we go to are more of a potluck, with the hostess providing a main dish and others bringing sides/beverages (BYOB), so maybe that's different than being invited over for a dinner? Everyone takes home the leftovers of their dish and their beverages.

At the end of our big family meals like Thanksgiving, everyone makes to go containers of various foods.

^This is the distinction--if it's a potluck, you can assume the leftovers are for everyone and you can take your item back with you if it wasn't eaten. The OP indicated that it was a planned meal and the guest offered to bring dessert. In that case, the dessert would have typically been a gift to the host.

DP

PP, honestly, thank you so much for this framing. It really helps to understand.

I wasn't raised with dinner parties. It was always people coming to our place for a holiday meal (and I didn't notice growing up who took what at the end), or it was university group potlucks, or the potlucks where I am now (a lot of people living in a remote area together that do block party sort of potlucks).

I very rarely go to dinners now. I was invited over Thanksgiving to a co-worker's place, along with two others, and I brought a lot --the main dish, an appetizer, a desert, and a homemade bread. I helped pack things up for the fridge after, and because of this thread I just offered to take anything she didn't have room for (tiny apartment) but ended up leaving it all.

Honestly, I'd rather leave it! I don't want to work my way through yet more leftovers. But now that I can see it is a gift (not a potluck), it helps me so much. I'm much easier with it. I know now I was already supposed to know this, but it would have felt like a burden to leave things otherwise.

Thank you, PP! And thank you, DCUM! I will remember and be entirely proper about it from here on out.

There is nothing "proper" about the advice you're being given. It was completely "proper" that the person who brought the pie took the remnants home.

Please don't listen to this foolish guidance that you are being improper. It is not a gift to leave the remnants for your host. A true hostess gift is something else, like a bottle of wine or coasters or dish towels or something. A true hostess gift is not 2 slices of pie. Sheesh.

Didn't your mom ever tell you not to believe everything you read on the internet? Just because there is one person validating this thread repeatedly doesn't mean it is true.

DP.

[Anonymous]

I’m glad when people take their leftovers home. Do you all really like to have a fridge full of half-eaten dishes the next day?

[Anonymous]

Op, maybe your friend is the same friend that saw another friend throw her banana pie in the trash, just saying.
I think she did you a favor!