Do other parents yell criticisms at your kid?

[Anonymous]

We had two families who left one of the Loudoun teams and joined our club mid-season. Ended up having to play their old team (NCSL) and holy hell, the moms were both screaming like a pair of banshees, at their kids AND other kids on the team. "Why aren't you open, so-and-so?" "How'd you miss that?!" Comments like these. It got to the point where the other parents on our team were ready to go off on them. When my kid came on the field (she was on the parent sideline) and while waiting for a throw-in, I made it a point to loudly say, "Don't let anyone, especially another parent, yell at you and criticize you. If they do, tell them to shut the hell up!" Those two mothers looked at me and immediately shut their mouths.

It was absolutely ridiculous and I'm so glad that we switched clubs so that we wouldn't have to deal with those birds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This happened to us today. DD is 7 and one of the youngest on her team. The coach says she does great but another parent today kept yelling criticisms about my daughter’s dribbling and aim.

Is this considered acceptable?

I coach a different sport for 10 year-olds. At the first parent meeting I lay down the law: I will not tolerate coaching from the sidelines and badmouthing any player (on our team or our opponents) . Do it once, your kid is going to sit. Do it twice, your kid is off the team. I will NOT have it. They are also directed to follow a 24-hour rule with any concerns with me (as in, you can raise issues 24 hours after a game, but never immediately after). And I urge them to NOT discuss games on the ride home. We also do not, as a team, have post-game meetings. Rather, we talk about the competitions at the beginning of our next practice.

I've only had to kick a kid off a team one time for this in 8 years. I think I have a reputation for having very clear boundaries, so the kids who come to me, the parents already know what to expect and are on board with it.

This is youth sports. It's supposed to be developmental. They are going to make mistakes. We will address them in practice. But I will not criticize, denigrate or yell corrections during a game (which is different than quietly making an adjustment one-on-one on the sidelines). The kids should hear the coaches and only the coaches talking to them -- not the parents. If you can't keep your mouth shut, you can take your kid to another team. At least I can protect them from your insanity.

Works for me. I don't lose much.

This is youth sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This happened to us today. DD is 7 and one of the youngest on her team. The coach says she does great but another parent today kept yelling criticisms about my daughter’s dribbling and aim.

Is this considered acceptable?

I coach a different sport for 10 year-olds. At the first parent meeting I lay down the law: I will not tolerate coaching from the sidelines and badmouthing any player (on our team or our opponents) . Do it once, your kid is going to sit. Do it twice, your kid is off the team. I will NOT have it. They are also directed to follow a 24-hour rule with any concerns with me (as in, you can raise issues 24 hours after a game, but never immediately after). And I urge them to NOT discuss games on the ride home. We also do not, as a team, have post-game meetings. Rather, we talk about the competitions at the beginning of our next practice.

I've only had to kick a kid off a team one time for this in 8 years. I think I have a reputation for having very clear boundaries, so the kids who come to me, the parents already know what to expect and are on board with it.

This is youth sports. It's supposed to be developmental. They are going to make mistakes. We will address them in practice. But I will not criticize, denigrate or yell corrections during a game (which is different than quietly making an adjustment one-on-one on the sidelines). The kids should hear the coaches and only the coaches talking to them -- not the parents. If you can't keep your mouth shut, you can take your kid to another team. At least I can protect them from your insanity.

Works for me. I don't lose much.

This is youth sports.

Good for you, Coach!! There are similar coaches that does this for youth soccer too. Kudos to you for not tolerating this poor behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is unacceptable. Parent of two that played Divison 1.

If anyone criticized my kids at any age they'd have to deal with all four foot ten of me and it would not be pretty.

Also, I never had my kids with coaches that screamed at kids. Never. Walked away twice never looked back.

+1. I’m a parent of two boys that are also playing D1 soccer.

If anyone on our team that criticizes my boys during their youth soccer games, they would have to deal with my husband who is 6’6” 270 lbs and former D1 football player. There are many games that their uncles would attend who are as equally large and strong. It’s interesting that no parents ever criticize my boys back then even though they were late bloomers/growth spurts. I don’t know if the other parents were just decent human beings or were just too scared to piss off my husband.

Lady you would be surprised how many people pack heat and are not afraid to use it thats a huge equalizer to 6'6" 270lbs

[Anonymous]

If anyone on our team that criticizes my boys during their youth soccer games, they would have to deal with my husband who is 6’6” 270 lbs and former D1 football player. There are many games that their uncles would attend who are as equally large and strong. It’s interesting that no parents ever criticize my boys back then even though they were late bloomers/growth spurts. I don’t know if the other parents were just decent human beings or were just too scared to piss off my husband.

They're just decent human beings, it has nothing to do with your husband or random uncles in attendance at games. My husband is 5'7", I am 5'2 (we are central american) and no one has ever yelled criticism at either of our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is unacceptable. Parent of two that played Divison 1.

If anyone criticized my kids at any age they'd have to deal with all four foot ten of me and it would not be pretty.

Also, I never had my kids with coaches that screamed at kids. Never. Walked away twice never looked back.

+1. I’m a parent of two boys that are also playing D1 soccer.

If anyone on our team that criticizes my boys during their youth soccer games, they would have to deal with my husband who is 6’6” 270 lbs and former D1 football player. There are many games that their uncles would attend who are as equally large and strong. It’s interesting that no parents ever criticize my boys back then even though they were late bloomers/growth spurts. I don’t know if the other parents were just decent human beings or were just too scared to piss off my husband.

Lady you would be surprised how many people pack heat and are not afraid to use it thats a huge equalizer to 6'6" 270lbs

You’re assuming that her huge husband and the kid’s big uncles doesn’t pack heat either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I think its very hypocritical that many of the parents who are so anti yelling at kids are the same ones that will yell out "stop pushing" when it happens to their kid. Cant have it both ways parents. Would love to hear how you feel about teammates yelling at each other. Should the field be the players domain? Their place to function with their peers without parents getting involved? At what point or age is it ok to criticize ? Boo? Everything shouldn't be cheered and praised. It makes them believe they are succeeding even when they are in reality failing.

who has said this?

Any coach worth their salt will teach how to counter "pushing." My kid has been shoulder charging effectively, without being called since U9, even while playing against bigger kids.

Shoulder charging is a foul you idiot.

It actually isn't. Idiot.

DP. It is a foul. Your kid just does not get called because she/he is small. If a bigger player does the same thing they get called. You can also get the ball and it is still a foul.

Some of you have never played and it shows. If done correctly it isn't a foul. My kid has been doing it correctly for years and has never gotten called. Because it isnt a foul.

[Anonymous]

If you put your kid on public display you have to be open to criticism not threats but critics have all rights to boo or cheer the same. you approaching the critic is actual a form of assault and can be subject to arrest. if you cant handle the boos keep your kid home but if you come out in public your subject to public opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by critisism? Yes. It is normal to yell things like, "Take the shot, Larla!" "Get open, Larla!" or whatever. It's not normal to "criticize" any of the players. "Bad footwork, Larla!" "Learn to shoot, Larla!"

I can't tell from your post if the parents are being grossly inappropriate or if you're being overly sensitvie.

There is really no need to be giving instructions to any kid from the sideline, including your own. If you are one of these people, learn to shut up. Your kid will appreciate it.

I was sitting about halfway between midfield and the big box, and the ball went out near me. I told the kid to throw it in down the line. So he threw it in right down the build-out line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you put your kid on public display you have to be open to criticism not threats but critics have all rights to boo or cheer the same. you approaching the critic is actual a form of assault and can be subject to arrest. if you cant handle the boos keep your kid home but if you come out in public your subject to public opinion.

Just remember that any parent can be packing heat and might not hesitate to shut you up with it. If you can’t handle it, then keep your mouth shut and stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you put your kid on public display you have to be open to criticism not threats but critics have all rights to boo or cheer the same. you approaching the critic is actual a form of assault and can be subject to arrest. if you cant handle the boos keep your kid home but if you come out in public your subject to public opinion.

Imagine thinking your kids EDP team is on public display. LOL

Your kid is on that EDP team simply because she sucks less than the other girls. Understand that she is not "good" or "great" she simply sucks less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you put your kid on public display you have to be open to criticism not threats but critics have all rights to boo or cheer the same. you approaching the critic is actual a form of assault and can be subject to arrest. if you cant handle the boos keep your kid home but if you come out in public your subject to public opinion.

Just remember that any parent can be packing heat and might not hesitate to shut you up with it. If you can’t handle it, then keep your mouth shut and stay home.

thats a threat not a fan interjection.

[Anonymous]

I love it when a rambunctious 10 year old screams back at the asshat parent "shut the f up", puts the parent in their place quick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Thank you! I appreciate this post so much.

I also yelled to my kid, “Larla, be ready!” Or, “Larla, get it!” She’s seven and sometimes gets distracted. But maybe my attempts at encouragement were not helpful.

While it wasn’t as bad as the criticisms the other parent yelled, my encouragement may have been misplaced.

Thank you!

Parents are often most aware if their young kid is not paying attention. First - parents are watching their own kid. Second - parents recognize signs of their own kid not paying attention. So - yes, a yell to Larla to dig in or play hard, not a problem.

We were just discussing a teammate of one of my kids about 20 years ago. His father had played for Liverpool as a young man. When the kid was playing with my son he had an older brother playing at Norte Dame. Obviously a big soccer family. But, the boy on my kid’s team was not a great player. Great kid, really. He and my son were friends and hung out off the field. He had some minor ADD going on which at 12/13 is fairly common. His dad was always great though standing on the side with the rest of us parents. The only thing directed towards his kid was, from time to time, he might yell “xxxxx what can you do to help?” when his kid was, to him, lost on the field. I always liked that approach. “What can you do to help?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This happened to us today. DD is 7 and one of the youngest on her team. The coach says she does great but another parent today kept yelling criticisms about my daughter’s dribbling and aim.

Is this considered acceptable?

I coach a different sport for 10 year-olds. At the first parent meeting I lay down the law: I will not tolerate coaching from the sidelines and badmouthing any player (on our team or our opponents) . Do it once, your kid is going to sit. Do it twice, your kid is off the team. I will NOT have it. They are also directed to follow a 24-hour rule with any concerns with me (as in, you can raise issues 24 hours after a game, but never immediately after). And I urge them to NOT discuss games on the ride home. We also do not, as a team, have post-game meetings. Rather, we talk about the competitions at the beginning of our next practice.

I've only had to kick a kid off a team one time for this in 8 years. I think I have a reputation for having very clear boundaries, so the kids who come to me, the parents already know what to expect and are on board with it.

This is youth sports. It's supposed to be developmental. They are going to make mistakes. We will address them in practice. But I will not criticize, denigrate or yell corrections during a game (which is different than quietly making an adjustment one-on-one on the sidelines). The kids should hear the coaches and only the coaches talking to them -- not the parents. If you can't keep your mouth shut, you can take your kid to another team. At least I can protect them from your insanity.

Works for me. I don't lose much.

This is youth sports.

Yes. It is developmental so the games are learning environments with teachable moments often that don't occur in practices. So if the coach is engaged during the game and is actually coaching/teaching my kid, then there is no need for me to shout instructions. However, if the coach is just sitting on the sideline collecting a paycheck, then I'll coach from the sideline and won't have my kid on the team very long.