DS confided in me that classmate is bulling on him - middle school

[Anonymous]

DS just started middle school. Yesterday DS confided in me that a kid he knows from team sport is picking on him in gym class. According to DS the kid faked getting pushed by DS and responded by punching DS in the face. He also keeps picking on him by making fun of his shoes etc. I wasn't sure how to respond.

My first reaction was to tell DS to punch the little @&*$ back but I realized this would not be good.

My next was to email gym teacher and tell him to watch out for this - but DS would be mortified if he found out I did this and would not likely confide in me again.

How would you handle this? DS is an easy going kid and has not really been a target for bullies in the past. I'd hate for middle school to start out this way.

[Anonymous]

Go to the principal immediately. They will know how best to handle it. Please do not let this slide! It is as important for your son as it is the bully. Make sure the principal and school addresses it in a way that your son will never know he “told”. I used to tell kids that I saw it (retired teacher here) and they always believed me!

[Anonymous]

I'm treading lightly here, because I obviously don't know your son, the kid, or the context. But is it possible that the kid doesn't have very good social skills and these little jabs are just his way of trying to reach out and "guy joke" with your DS? Making fun of shoes really depends on words and context - difference between "Your shoes are so ugly that even Ray Charles looks away when you walk by." and "I hate your (expletive) shoes, DS" Also, play fighting can be taken both ways.

I think, at the very least, you need to get more details from your son before you advise him to act in a certain way. Kids are so trained to call out bullies these days, and for good reason! But we may miss the mark sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS just started middle school. Yesterday DS confided in me that a kid he knows from team sport is picking on him in gym class. According to DS the kid faked getting pushed by DS and responded by punching DS in the face. He also keeps picking on him by making fun of his shoes etc. I wasn't sure how to respond.

My first reaction was to tell DS to punch the little @&*$ back but I realized this would not be good.

My next was to email gym teacher and tell him to watch out for this - but DS would be mortified if he found out I did this and would not likely confide in me again.

How would you handle this? DS is an easy going kid and has not really been a target for bullies in the past. I'd hate for middle school to start out this way.

Frankly, OP, what's wrong with this response?

Ask your DH.

[Anonymous]

Email the gym teacher.

From our experience the PE teachers tend to jump on top of this kind of locker room behavior and are able to get a handle on it very quickly when they learn about it in the early stages.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so how long has school been back in session? A day? A week? I would not jump to 'bullying" after a kid says some mean things.

BUT. You do want to be aware if this is a pattern or the kid isn't leaving him alone. First advice: avoid the jerk kid. Second advice: yes tell the teacher. Don't use the word "bullying" though because I think it's an overstatement here. Just say that little Johnny is really giving your kid a hard time during class and you'd appreciate them keeping an eye on it.

[Anonymous]

This is bullying. Tell the school to handle it and tell them you want to know in detail what is being done to keep your kid safe.

[Anonymous]

Any child K-12 being bullied is being bullied because the teachers and principals are allowing and encouraging it. Teachers and principals know exactly what is happening in their classrooms and schoolyards.

Teachers still have their favorites and they have kids that they flat out do not like!

Through their actions and words they telegraph what students are untouchable and what students are fair game for bullying.. Plenty of teachers literally place targets on certain students backs to punish them for a variety of reasons. They allow/encourage the other students to punish unpopular students in ways that would get them fired if they acted on them themselves. This way they target certain students, punish certain students, all the while maintaining plausible deniability.

It wasn't me, it was the students who bullied the kid.

To stop bullying the only thing that needs to happen is for the teacher to report it to the principal. The principal calls the bullies into their office and tells them "THIS STOPS NOW". If need be the same message is said to the parents as well. Remember popular kids do plenty of bullying and their teachers/principals will allow no retailliation against them. Bullying is all about who has the POWER.

The way teachers target some students should be a CRIMINAL OFFENSE. If a teacher is found guilty of targeting a student for bullying the teacher should be subject to jail time.

The offense would be difficult to prove and convict because the telegraphing of that message is subtle; but not always. Sometimes its spoken in plain language. Bullying is damaging on so many levels and can lead to suicide. There needs to be consequences in place for teachers and principals who fail to intervene and more serious consequences for those who encourage bullying.

Even if obtaining a criminal conviction would be difficult to obtain, having such laws on the books would be a SUPER deterrent to teachers who may use it as a classroom management technique and principals who deliberately turn a blind eye to the practice.

I apologize for cutting pasting it from a different threat, but it was too much to retype.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any child K-12 being bullied is being bullied because the teachers and principals are allowing and encouraging it. Teachers and principals know exactly what is happening in their classrooms and schoolyards.

Teachers still have their favorites and they have kids that they flat out do not like!

Through their actions and words they telegraph what students are untouchable and what students are fair game for bullying.. Plenty of teachers literally place targets on certain students backs to punish them for a variety of reasons. They allow/encourage the other students to punish unpopular students in ways that would get them fired if they acted on them themselves. This way they target certain students, punish certain students, all the while maintaining plausible deniability.

It wasn't me, it was the students who bullied the kid.

To stop bullying the only thing that needs to happen is for the teacher to report it to the principal. The principal calls the bullies into their office and tells them "THIS STOPS NOW". If need be the same message is said to the parents as well. Remember popular kids do plenty of bullying and their teachers/principals will allow no retailliation against them. Bullying is all about who has the POWER.

The way teachers target some students should be a CRIMINAL OFFENSE. If a teacher is found guilty of targeting a student for bullying the teacher should be subject to jail time.

The offense would be difficult to prove and convict because the telegraphing of that message is subtle; but not always. Sometimes its spoken in plain language. Bullying is damaging on so many levels and can lead to suicide. There needs to be consequences in place for teachers and principals who fail to intervene and more serious consequences for those who encourage bullying.

Even if obtaining a criminal conviction would be difficult to obtain, having such laws on the books would be a SUPER deterrent to teachers who may use it as a classroom management technique and principals who deliberately turn a blind eye to the practice.

I apologize for cutting pasting it from a different threat, but it was too much to retype.

You've gone round the bend.

[Anonymous]

“Making fun of his shoes etc”. What are you dressing your kid in? Don’t make your kid an open target by letting him wear dorky clothes.

I am not justifying the bullying but unfashionable clothes will not make it any easier socially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Making fun of his shoes etc”. What are you dressing your kid in? Don’t make your kid an open target by letting him wear dorky clothes.

I am not justifying the bullying but unfashionable clothes will not make it any easier socially.

SMH...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS just started middle school. Yesterday DS confided in me that a kid he knows from team sport is picking on him in gym class. According to DS the kid faked getting pushed by DS and responded by punching DS in the face. He also keeps picking on him by making fun of his shoes etc. I wasn't sure how to respond.

My first reaction was to tell DS to punch the little @&*$ back but I realized this would not be good.

My next was to email gym teacher and tell him to watch out for this - but DS would be mortified if he found out I did this and would not likely confide in me again.

How would you handle this? DS is an easy going kid and has not really been a target for bullies in the past. I'd hate for middle school to start out this way.

Frankly, OP, what's wrong with this response?

Ask your DH.

+1, I'm a no nerf gun, no nothing mom but I have always told my kid if someone is bullying him/hits him or a friend to hit them back and mom will always defend him if he's doing it in self defense or to help a friend, especially a girl.

[Anonymous]

I would make a plan with him. I always tell my kids that I will never do something without talking them first because I don't want them to not come to me. You'd be surprised how often kids can come up with how to resolve the issue. Obviously if they come to me with something serious, I may have to handle it in a way they don't approve. I think in the How to Talk... book it says to brainstorm all the ways to handle a situation, even silly or unrealistic ones like "punch him in the face" to lighten the mood and give the kid some power. GL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any child K-12 being bullied is being bullied because the teachers and principals are allowing and encouraging it. Teachers and principals know exactly what is happening in their classrooms and schoolyards.

Teachers still have their favorites and they have kids that they flat out do not like!

Through their actions and words they telegraph what students are untouchable and what students are fair game for bullying.. Plenty of teachers literally place targets on certain students backs to punish them for a variety of reasons. They allow/encourage the other students to punish unpopular students in ways that would get them fired if they acted on them themselves. This way they target certain students, punish certain students, all the while maintaining plausible deniability.

It wasn't me, it was the students who bullied the kid.

To stop bullying the only thing that needs to happen is for the teacher to report it to the principal. The principal calls the bullies into their office and tells them "THIS STOPS NOW". If need be the same message is said to the parents as well. Remember popular kids do plenty of bullying and their teachers/principals will allow no retailliation against them. Bullying is all about who has the POWER.

The way teachers target some students should be a CRIMINAL OFFENSE. If a teacher is found guilty of targeting a student for bullying the teacher should be subject to jail time.

The offense would be difficult to prove and convict because the telegraphing of that message is subtle; but not always. Sometimes its spoken in plain language. Bullying is damaging on so many levels and can lead to suicide. There needs to be consequences in place for teachers and principals who fail to intervene and more serious consequences for those who encourage bullying.

Even if obtaining a criminal conviction would be difficult to obtain, having such laws on the books would be a SUPER deterrent to teachers who may use it as a classroom management technique and principals who deliberately turn a blind eye to the practice.

I apologize for cutting pasting it from a different threat, but it was too much to retype.

You have posted this before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Making fun of his shoes etc”. What are you dressing your kid in? Don’t make your kid an open target by letting him wear dorky clothes.

I am not justifying the bullying but unfashionable clothes will not make it any easier socially.

SMH...

I agree.

Get him some clothes that blend in with everyone else.

Signed,

Mom of kid who was bullied in 6th grade