DS confided in me that classmate is bulling on him - middle school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make a plan with him. I always tell my kids that I will never do something without talking them first because I don't want them to not come to me. You'd be surprised how often kids can come up with how to resolve the issue. Obviously if they come to me with something serious, I may have to handle it in a way they don't approve. I think in the How to Talk... book it says to brainstorm all the ways to handle a situation, even silly or unrealistic ones like "punch him in the face" to lighten the mood and give the kid some power. GL!

Good advice. I've been through this before and did this with my kids - in addition to giving the teacher and counselor a heads up. With the exception of one incident (when my DS came home with marks on his face), I spoke to the teacher/counselor in confidence. The low level stuff, especially when it's in PE, just isn't on the teachers' radar. It's hard to catch. But if you give them a heads up, there are a lot of things they can do. When my DS came home with the marks on his face, I told him we had to inform the school - that when it's physical like that, it's gone beyond our ability to 'roll with'. I was able to get him to talk to the counselor who kept their conversation confidential. She was able to bring in other kids, talk to them, get their take on things and was able to work everything out with no one knowing my DS was the one to alert the staff. He also felt a lot better after speaking with her and believed her when she said lots of kids have lots of confidential conversations with her.

Good luck. I know how much this hurts.

[Anonymous]

Email teacher and principal NOW. They woll know how to be subtle and buffer your kid from him or catch him in the act.

We've had lesser bullying situations in which dd called out a kid picking on another kid or asked what she'd done to upset the person and tried to generally be kind when picking on her, but that was just verbal picking. And it ended. Physical violence needs school intervention. It cam be subtle if you have good admin

[Anonymous]

Start a log with dates and the incidents. Hopefully it never gets longer than what just occurred. However, should it continue might be handy.

[Anonymous]

Email the gym teacher today. You are the parent, OP, and you know best. You can tell the teacher that your son is a little sensitive about this and not aware you are sharing this information with his teacher, but you want the teacher to stay alert and nip any more bullying in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Some of you parents are just disgusting. Your advice is to just change his shoes? Wear something fashionable? The other child punched her son in the face! Not related to making fun of what he is wearing. Monsters create monsters. I go from the thread of the 9 year old committing suicide, to this. A shame

[Anonymous]

No one has gone around any bend. Perhaps you could clarify your meaning.

If your mean is you are an educator and you are claiming teachers and principals are unaware of bullying you are a liar!

If you mean you are an educator and you are claiming teachers don't have teacher's pets you are a liar!

If you are an educator and you claim some students are not protected and some students are not targeted you are a liar!

If you know some teachers use willing students to punish students and that is not criminal you are seriously and sorely mistaken.

Bullying is destructive and can lead to suicide. Bullying is destructive to the individuals involved and to the cultures of entire institutions.

The act of bullying is criminal and the act of conspiring to bully is criminal. If a teacher telegraphs that it might be a good idea to push, shove, beat, or ostracize a particular student because they need to be taught a lesson that teacher should go to jail

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all your responses. It seems there are many opinions on how to handle this. Will think more about what to do.

The posters who advise to get better shoes are missing the point. Another thing the kid picked on during the summer baseball season is DS's $50 base ball glove when this kid's parents buy him a $150 glove or DS's iphone 5 compared to the kids iphone 8. The kid is picking stupid material things which he thinks he can make DS feel bad about. Generally DS doesn't care but the persistence of this is wearing on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all your responses. It seems there are many opinions on how to handle this. Will think more about what to do.

The posters who advise to get better shoes are missing the point. Another thing the kid picked on during the summer baseball season is DS's $50 base ball glove when this kid's parents buy him a $150 glove or DS's iphone 5 compared to the kids iphone 8. The kid is picking stupid material things which he thinks he can make DS feel bad about. Generally DS doesn't care but the persistence of this is wearing on him.

You are absolutely right that this has nothing to do with shoes. The shoes are just part of the bullying. If it was not the shoes it would be something else. It's just all part of the constant harassment --- constant bullying.

I apologize for not staying on point with my earlier post, but I've been aware for many years that bullying begins in elementary school and it is used by elementary school teachers to punish certain children they don't like and principals are aware of the practice as well.

What starts in elementary school has become ingrained habits of bullying by middle school and high school. At each age the dynamics and practices of bullying change with age but the pain remains the same.

Its madness because whenever a bullied child fights back there are always five popular kids who say the bullied child started it.

The bullying and ostracizing of particular children becomes institutionalized because it becomes the norm accepted by teachers and principals alike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any child K-12 being bullied is being bullied because the teachers and principals are allowing and encouraging it. Teachers and principals know exactly what is happening in their classrooms and schoolyards.

Teachers still have their favorites and they have kids that they flat out do not like!

Through their actions and words they telegraph what students are untouchable and what students are fair game for bullying.. Plenty of teachers literally place targets on certain students backs to punish them for a variety of reasons. They allow/encourage the other students to punish unpopular students in ways that would get them fired if they acted on them themselves. This way they target certain students, punish certain students, all the while maintaining plausible deniability.

It wasn't me, it was the students who bullied the kid.

To stop bullying the only thing that needs to happen is for the teacher to report it to the principal. The principal calls the bullies into their office and tells them "THIS STOPS NOW". If need be the same message is said to the parents as well. Remember popular kids do plenty of bullying and their teachers/principals will allow no retailliation against them. Bullying is all about who has the POWER.

The way teachers target some students should be a CRIMINAL OFFENSE. If a teacher is found guilty of targeting a student for bullying the teacher should be subject to jail time.

The offense would be difficult to prove and convict because the telegraphing of that message is subtle; but not always. Sometimes its spoken in plain language. Bullying is damaging on so many levels and can lead to suicide. There needs to be consequences in place for teachers and principals who fail to intervene and more serious consequences for those who encourage bullying.

Even if obtaining a criminal conviction would be difficult to obtain, having such laws on the books would be a SUPER deterrent to teachers who may use it as a classroom management technique and principals who deliberately turn a blind eye to the practice.

I apologize for cutting pasting it from a different threat, but it was too much to retype.

You have posted this before.

Yes, this poster seems to hate all teachers & is apparently absolutely convinced that it is extremely common for them to target certain students for bullying.

While I am sure this does happen sometimes, the frequency at which this poster thinks it happens is likely indicative of some deep seeded issues on his or her part.

-not a teacher

[Anonymous]

One other thing to be vigilant about is the fact bullies are very clever at what they do. The mean girls and mean guys are often times popular. They will often times encourage other marginalized kids to punch or harass their target for them. So why would one marginalized kid bully another marginalized kid -- it makes no sense right?

Actually it makes perfect sense. The mean girls/guys lie, spread rumors and suggest that by bullying the targeted kid that the marginaliized kid will be accepted by the cool kids.

It's all about power and who has the ultimate power in a school. It's always the principal. If a kid is being bullied it's always because the principal allowed it to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any child K-12 being bullied is being bullied because the teachers and principals are allowing and encouraging it. Teachers and principals know exactly what is happening in their classrooms and schoolyards.

Teachers still have their favorites and they have kids that they flat out do not like!

Through their actions and words they telegraph what students are untouchable and what students are fair game for bullying.. Plenty of teachers literally place targets on certain students backs to punish them for a variety of reasons. They allow/encourage the other students to punish unpopular students in ways that would get them fired if they acted on them themselves. This way they target certain students, punish certain students, all the while maintaining plausible deniability.

It wasn't me, it was the students who bullied the kid.

To stop bullying the only thing that needs to happen is for the teacher to report it to the principal. The principal calls the bullies into their office and tells them "THIS STOPS NOW". If need be the same message is said to the parents as well. Remember popular kids do plenty of bullying and their teachers/principals will allow no retailliation against them. Bullying is all about who has the POWER.

The way teachers target some students should be a CRIMINAL OFFENSE. If a teacher is found guilty of targeting a student for bullying the teacher should be subject to jail time.

The offense would be difficult to prove and convict because the telegraphing of that message is subtle; but not always. Sometimes its spoken in plain language. Bullying is damaging on so many levels and can lead to suicide. There needs to be consequences in place for teachers and principals who fail to intervene and more serious consequences for those who encourage bullying.

Even if obtaining a criminal conviction would be difficult to obtain, having such laws on the books would be a SUPER deterrent to teachers who may use it as a classroom management technique and principals who deliberately turn a blind eye to the practice.

I apologize for cutting pasting it from a different threat, but it was too much to retype.

You have posted this before.

Yes, this poster seems to hate all teachers & is apparently absolutely convinced that it is extremely common for them to target certain students for bullying.

While I am sure this does happen sometimes, the frequency at which this poster thinks it happens is likely indicative of some deep seeded issues on his or her part.

-not a teacher

If you freely agree that targeting happens then why disagree in the same sentence. Not every kid is bullied - but when kids are bullied it is done with the knowledge and compliance of the teacher and the principal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any child K-12 being bullied is being bullied because the teachers and principals are allowing and encouraging it. Teachers and principals know exactly what is happening in their classrooms and schoolyards.

Teachers still have their favorites and they have kids that they flat out do not like!

Through their actions and words they telegraph what students are untouchable and what students are fair game for bullying.. Plenty of teachers literally place targets on certain students backs to punish them for a variety of reasons. They allow/encourage the other students to punish unpopular students in ways that would get them fired if they acted on them themselves. This way they target certain students, punish certain students, all the while maintaining plausible deniability.

It wasn't me, it was the students who bullied the kid.

To stop bullying the only thing that needs to happen is for the teacher to report it to the principal. The principal calls the bullies into their office and tells them "THIS STOPS NOW". If need be the same message is said to the parents as well. Remember popular kids do plenty of bullying and their teachers/principals will allow no retailliation against them. Bullying is all about who has the POWER.

The way teachers target some students should be a CRIMINAL OFFENSE. If a teacher is found guilty of targeting a student for bullying the teacher should be subject to jail time.

The offense would be difficult to prove and convict because the telegraphing of that message is subtle; but not always. Sometimes its spoken in plain language. Bullying is damaging on so many levels and can lead to suicide. There needs to be consequences in place for teachers and principals who fail to intervene and more serious consequences for those who encourage bullying.

Even if obtaining a criminal conviction would be difficult to obtain, having such laws on the books would be a SUPER deterrent to teachers who may use it as a classroom management technique and principals who deliberately turn a blind eye to the practice.

I apologize for cutting pasting it from a different threat, but it was too much to retype.

You have posted this before.

Yes, this poster seems to hate all teachers & is apparently absolutely convinced that it is extremely common for them to target certain students for bullying.

While I am sure this does happen sometimes, the frequency at which this poster thinks it happens is likely indicative of some deep seeded issues on his or her part.

-not a teacher

If you freely agree that targeting happens then why disagree in the same sentence. Not every kid is bullied - but when kids are bullied it is done with the knowledge and compliance of the teacher and the principal.

Read the post you are responding to again.


The poster agreed that targeting of certain students by teachers sometimes happens but disagreed that it happens as frequently as your posts indicate you think it does. Makes perfect sense.

And middle school teachers & principals typically have hundreds of students & cannot witness every single interaction between them. So this belief you have that they always know when bullying is happening & just allow it to happen is absurd.

[Anonymous]

I would email gym teacher and principal so you have documentation that the other kid is bullying your son now and has bullied him outside of school in the past. I would request the other student be made to change gym classes, or if your child doesn't care about changing gym class then have him switch.
The main reason you want to do this is to document so if your child reaches his limit and hits the bully back defending himself that you have proof that he is just defending himself and the other student is the aggressor. If you haven't documented it, then if your child hits the other child in defense then your child might be the one being suspended and the other kid is going to blame your child.

[Anonymous]

+1

[Anonymous]

Teachers are paid to do a job. Some do it well and some do it poorly.

Some teachers are protective of all of their students and some are not

Some teachers are honorable and some teachers are dishonorably

The problem is there has been a national lie propagated that all teachers are altruistic and should be canonized. It's just not true!

Many elementary school teachers allow students to be bullied as part of their classroom management routines and their principals know it.

Stop being a denier --- everyone in education knows it's TRUE. Yeah teachers have dirty little secrets.

Once bullying begins in elementary school it usually continues unabated until about 11th grade when after about ten years and some of the bullies and their patsies have cycled out for a variety of reasons the remaining mean kids have other interests, the bullying may end.

It all begins with elementary school teachers and principals picking the winners and the losers in their schools. That's the way it works and it is shameful.

I don't hate all teachers. However, its teachers who in the early grades allow and encourage bullying and once it has begun it continues unabated for the next decade unless a strong principal says "THIS STOPS NOW!"

So no, I don't hate all teachers, but many teachers contribute to or ignore their colleagues condoning bullying, and I do hate all of them.

There are a few great teachers out there, but most are not. They've all seen kids in trouble . . . essentially drowning and too many have turned their backs on the kids who needed them most.