Do you feel lonely as you get older? Really, really lonely?

[Anonymous]

It seems harder and harder to make friends and maintain them as I get older. Perhaps it's me, or maybe not...

[Anonymous]

It's not just you OP, I'm lonely too.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been fortunate to make some good ones but I’ve also lost some and am past the office happy hour stage that made 20s and 30s so easy

[Anonymous]

I really don't know what to do about it. I've read all the articles about finding a hobby you can share with others, joining a club or a church, etc. It just seems so forced, and my limited attempts have been unsuccessful. It was easy making friends when I was younger because you were in school together or working together, but now I really just cart my kids around and have some very casual friendships with other mothers. I always marvel at the other women my age who seem to have such active social lives. I would love to have a few close friends. My kids will be off to college soon, and my husband has never been much of a talker. I fear that I am slowly becoming the woman with 30 cats. Who puts dresses on them. And spends my days needle-pointing pillows that nobody wants.

[Anonymous]

I am feeling the same way. I have decided to make the effort to take some of my friendships and relationships to the next level instead of seeking out new ones.

[Anonymous]

Yes, a lot. I put effort into keeping in touch with my close friends but we definitely don’t socialize like we did even 10 years ago when our kids were small. We don’t get to spend tome with friends as easily as before.

[Anonymous]

I was just about to write a post similar to this. All I keep thinking about is the friendships I’ve lost over the years and the fact that I have no family nearby. I am so lonely.

[Anonymous]

I always thought my parents were loners because they didn’t socialize much when I was a kid and then teenager. But once we left the nest they found a whole new world of friends and socializing. Now they go out with friends much more than me, mom of young kids.
I think your feeling lonely is partly a season of life, in other words, and won’t be this way forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, a lot. I put effort into keeping in touch with my close friends but we definitely don’t socialize like we did even 10 years ago when our kids were small. We don’t get to spend tome with friends as easily as before.

Is it bad to say I'm so relieved to hear this because it means I'm not alone? I've started questioning whether I'm some kind of social pariah and no one is willing to tell me because I feel like our social life has dropped off so much. The rational side of my brain understands that it's because we are sooooo busy with work and teenagers and aging parents, but the emotional side remembers all of the nights out with friends and is wondering where it all went.

[Anonymous]

If you can, travel more. Downsize if you need to to free-up income. Travel to see old friends & family to strengthen the bonds. 2 nts staying in a hotel is what I like to do so it's not too much intense togetherness, especially if these friends and I haven't seen much of each other lately. DH usually doesn't want to go. He's happier at home, so I don't have to spend money on his airfare. Even if you're still working, a 2nt trip is a weekend. That should be doable.

[Anonymous]

No you are not alone. Before the study of psychology people thought of children as perhaps inexperienced, but nevertheless essentially adults in small bodies. Of course today we know that is totally false.

I'm beginning to believe that old age is a similar phenomenon. Not that we are childlike, but we value things in different ways than those who are young adults.

I think we are okay ... just different from who we used to be.

[Anonymous]

My dad at 78 plays bocce and drinks coffee with the same group of men a few times a week. He has known 2 of them since college.

My mom has a tight group of girlfriends she has also known since she was in college, they go out, have beach weekends, go to restaurants, attend each others' kids' weddings and baby showers. She has a separate group of art friends, they go to galleries and lunch.

My parents have thanksgiving with the same group of friends they have been partying with since their 20s.

I am jealous! I have nothing even remotely approaching this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can, travel more. Downsize if you need to to free-up income. Travel to see old friends & family to strengthen the bonds. 2 nts staying in a hotel is what I like to do so it's not too much intense togetherness, especially if these friends and I haven't seen much of each other lately. DH usually doesn't want to go. He's happier at home, so I don't have to spend money on his airfare. Even if you're still working, a 2nt trip is a weekend. That should be doable.

Good suggestion!

[Anonymous]

How old are we talking about? 50s? 60s? 70s?

[Anonymous]

It's normal. Read this article: https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2012/07/real-trouble-making-friends-middle-age/325837/ I'm also suspicious of people who seem overly friendly like pseudo-mom friends who may be out to gain favors w/o reciprocating.