Looking for perspective on abusive childhood

[Anonymous]

I am just curious as to what you all think in terms of how abusive my parents were while raising me, relatively speaking. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being not abusive at all, and 10 being heinously abusive.

Here’s the scenario: parents were hard working, over protective, controlling. With their hours, we saw them for a few hrs a night, from about 8:30-10:30pm. We weren’t allowed to have friends over or go over to see any friends, or have any socialization outside of school. They were extremely strict. We got beaten for non-exceptional grades, and for minor infractions like misplacing a pen, or forgetting to lock a door. The bruises were visible, but went away after a few days. I sincerely believed that our father was capable of killing us or seriously maiming us if we did something disobedient. Our mother was a non-participant in parenting, other than cooking and cleaning.

We never were really allowed to speak to our parents openly other than to answer in the affirmative or negative. They spoke to us, sometimes for hours, or they yelled at us. Our father has beaten up other family members for disrespecting him. We always had all the necessities we needed-clothing, food, shelter.

We weren’t allowed to attend school social functions. We were sometimes allowed to attend birthday parties, but not without difficulty. They never praised us, but were highly critical. Name-calling, putting us down, expressing disappointment in who we were, was frequent. My father occasionally would rage, without warning, and it was truly scary, but he was rarely out of control- just angry and methodical.

No broken bones or black eyes. The closest he came to losing control was when I forgot to do an art homework assignment and the teacher asked me to write a letter about why I forgot and have it signed by my father. He slapped me so hard I fell off the couch, I saw stars, and then he kicked me in the stomach for a while, and then ripped up all of my school notebooks and told me he was taking me out of school.

Most other times, the beatings were viscous but methodical. So how bad was it? 1-10? It’s nothing I ever spoke to anyone about, not even my closest friends. But I know friends whose parents also hit, but I don’t know to what extent.

[Anonymous]

I'm so very sorry, OP. I would say, to me, that sounds like an 8-10. I hope that you have no contact with these monstrous people. I hope you allow them no access to you or your children. I am so very sorry for the emotional, physical and mental pain that you suffered.

[Anonymous]

9.7

[Anonymous]

Op here and I should clarify... the beatings were not daily. On average, it was like once every few months. However, we were always in fear, and had no autonomy, or freedom.

[Anonymous]

10. I am sorry OP. I hope you have access to excellent therapy. Wishing you peace and love.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are wasting your time with this little game

They were abusive. Stop the games. Get help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here and I should clarify... the beatings were not daily. On average, it was like once every few months. However, we were always in fear, and had no autonomy, or freedom.

Still 8-10, OP. No child should live in fear. No growing child should have no autonomy, or freedom.

You need to be in therapy. You need to cut them out of your life if you haven't already.

[Anonymous]

Umm what is the point with rating your abuse? Geez you are nuts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Umm what is the point with rating your abuse? Geez you are nuts

I want to know how far from the norm it was.

And do you really think it requires therapy on my part? Or is that the standard dcum advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Umm what is the point with rating your abuse? Geez you are nuts

I want to know how far from the norm it was.

And do you really think it requires therapy on my part? Or is that the standard dcum advice?

You need therapy, medication and Jesus

[Anonymous]

New poster here, and someone raised in a fairly strict household.

People are recommending therapy because you don't seem to understand how far off the bubble your upbringing was, and because they may know (as I know) that you need to learn to do better for your own kids, because you will revert to what you know under stress.

[Anonymous]

10 and yes you really need therapy. It reminds me of a less extreme version of the Turpins. What is your life like now?

[Anonymous]

Extreme abuse.

[Anonymous]

You were emotionally and physically controlled. That is abuse. As far as rating it, that depends on your interpretation of it. Are you angry you lived that way? Are you able to have normal relationships with friends or significant others? This is all for you to decide. My personal judgement is 9.9.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. Definitely sounds abusive. I think DCUM is quick to recommend therapy for every little thing, but in your case, I think I would seek therapy.