I'm 13 and struggling with my sexuality

[Anonymous]

I've grown up thinking that I was straight, you know, liking guys. But then I started having feelings for this girl who I'm friends with, and now I'm really confused. Thinking back on it, I've only had a few crushes about 3 or 4 people in the past (not counting the girl now). I usually don't find random guys attractive, but I've started finding more girls attractive.

However, here's the thing, I know I'm not lesbian, and I'm pretty sure I'm not bisexual. In addition, the other day my friend and I were talking about this, and she thinks that I'm demisexual. (Which means that you only feel sexually attracted to a person once you've formed a bond with them). The only issue is, my friend explained it a little differently: that you grow up thinking you're straight, and are not looking for relationships/craving them. And also the blanket definition. This sounded like me, but I feel like (after watching several youtube videos) that it may not be me.

So lately I've been pretty confused, and I don't know what to do.

Also I think the girl I like might be straight, but I don't know how to ask her.

If anyone can help me (primarily with the first issue), and maybe give me ideas or feedback, I would appreciate it. I'm just really confused an I could use the support.

[Anonymous]

Lots of people find boys and girls attractive. That doesn't really mean anything.

[Anonymous]

You have plenty of time to figure your sexuality out. There's no need to choose a label and feel stuck with it forever. I generally identify as bisexual and have since I was a teenager. I know that it's more complicated than that, and at this point I just kind of go with the flow. I'm attracted to I'm attracted to, I love who I love. The labels really don't matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have plenty of time to figure your sexuality out. There's no need to choose a label and feel stuck with it forever. I generally identify as bisexual and have since I was a teenager. I know that it's more complicated than that, and at this point I just kind of go with the flow. I'm attracted to I'm attracted to, I love who I love. The labels really don't matter.

Bi-ish Female here... Great advice in responses above, and the bolded part especially. I'm also drawn to labeling, just because I want to understand myself, but it's not helpful in the long run. For now, try to deepen your friendships … let the sexuality stuff happen later. I remember having raging hormones at 13 and the years after, constantly fantasizing. So I get it. I didn't have a chance to have a female encounter until college. So pace yourself and don't put yourself into a box.

Find ways to express yourself, find friends from all walks of life (athletes, musicians, drama, art, computers, etc, etc!).

Be kind to yourself. Don't try to overanalyze yourself. Distract yourself if you find yourself spiraling... if I could do it over, I'd do A LOT more volunteering to stay busy in my teen years. Too much navel gazing won't get us very far. good luck.

[Anonymous]

I had a crush kind o f like this in school. We were friends. I wasn't physically attracted to her. I didn't want to kiss her. But I was just really drawn to her and interested all the time. I have found out since that that friend is a lesbian, so maybe there was some chemistry there but I've never felt that I'm a lesbian or bi.

[Anonymous]

I'm a straight female, and in general overall, I think there are more good-looking females than good-looking males.

Here's what I can tell you: you don't have to decide now. You don't have to proclaim yourself one thing or another. And however you feel now, it's okay to feel differently tomorrow or next month or next year. You're not locked in to one type of attraction.

[Anonymous]

Stop trying to put labels on it, you don't need to or figure it out right now.
Puberty and teenage years are hormonal and strange. You go through so many changes and crazy feelings. Chances are you are straight.

I'm a 40ish mom, and can say most women find other women way more attractive than men. Plus we bond with and have strong feelings for our good friends. Doesn't usually mean we are sexually attracted to them or need to form a relationship other than friendship.

I wish kids these days wouldn't be so overly concerned about their sexuality. You'll know by your 20's. Just try to enjoy being a kid and don't jump to quickly into any sexual situations that just may leave you confused, upset, scared or regretting what you have done. I know way too many people who have regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people find boys and girls attractive. That doesn't really mean anything.

Do you mean sexuality?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have plenty of time to figure your sexuality out. There's no need to choose a label and feel stuck with it forever. I generally identify as bisexual and have since I was a teenager. I know that it's more complicated than that, and at this point I just kind of go with the flow. I'm attracted to I'm attracted to, I love who I love. The labels really don't matter.

Thank you that's exactly how I feel, but all of my friends around me know so fast and I don't understand that.

[Anonymous]

Hey it's me, the 13 year old again, I just want to add that all I know about myself, is that I don't think I'm straight. Also, a majority of my friends are figuring this stuff out really quickly, and it's just adding to the confusion.

[Anonymous]

You haven't lived long enough that you can make a determination. Make something of your life - study, play sports, have a hobby etc. You still have lots of years left before you need to think about this. You are still unformed as a person.

So grow up as an interesting, compassionate and curious person. Have hobbies, interests, friends and passion. The sexuality part will become clearer to you when you grow up as a person.

It is very normal to notice the attractiveness of both boys and girls, and hero worship adults of both gender at the young age of 13. You are only a 7th grader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have plenty of time to figure your sexuality out. There's no need to choose a label and feel stuck with it forever. I generally identify as bisexual and have since I was a teenager. I know that it's more complicated than that, and at this point I just kind of go with the flow. I'm attracted to I'm attracted to, I love who I love. The labels really don't matter.

Thank you that's exactly how I feel, but all of my friends around me know so fast and I don't understand that.

I am 39 and I remember always assuming that other people around me had things down when I didn’t...they knew who they had crushes on at your age, they knew where they wanted to go to college by mid high school, they knew what they wanted to major in, they knew what career they wanted to have...it always felt like I took longer...now that I’m older I realize that while yes some of them know immediately, most of them are still figuring it out like you, but they are saying an answer...because it’s easier to answer than to say “I don’t know”—it’s like when a grown up asked you at age 6 what you wanted to be when you grow up....how many of those kids that say Fireman will actually become a fireman? Hardly any! They’re just saying it because it’s what is important to them right then and there and why not just say it.

So focus more on yourself and less on what other people are saying about themselves. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a straight female, and in general overall, I think there are more good-looking females than good-looking males.

Here's what I can tell you: you don't have to decide now. You don't have to proclaim yourself one thing or another. And however you feel now, it's okay to feel differently tomorrow or next month or next year. You're not locked in to one type of attraction.

This is so true. I find female bodies are so much better built. I am straight, in a happy marriage for 25+ years. OP, you don’t have to lable yourself, especially at your age. Just enjoy your life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey it's me, the 13 year old again, I just want to add that all I know about myself, is that I don't think I'm straight. Also, a majority of my friends are figuring this stuff out really quickly, and it's just adding to the confusion.

How do you know that you are not straight if you never tried to build a relationship with the man?

Stop worry about other people. It is not your business how fast they figure out something, and life is not a race. This is the people you may never hear about once you graduate from high school. Why are you worry about them or compare yourself to them? They are not a golden standard. Some of those people who think they figured out at the age of 13 will find out at the age of 40 that they didn’t figure out anything.

[Anonymous]

You just think your friends are figuring this out quickly. Most are just as unsure as you, but more comfortable with embracing a generalization. Be kind to yourself and patient. No one is having great sex or romantic relationships at your age.