Girlfriend Turned Me Down.

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend of 6 months is amazing. She fits me so well and is an amazing person. We are older and have talked about where we see things headed - we both want marriage and kids. Her lease is up, so I asked her if she wants to move in with me. She said no, fearing moving in too quickly will allow us to become complacent with the situation. She isn’t looking to take that next step without getting engaged first. I understand her side, but feel living together will not only make us a stronger couple, but will help us really see if this relationship is forever. I believe you have to live with someone to really know if you can live with them longterm. She is not budging, and I feel six months is too soon to make such a huge commitment.

[Anonymous]

It seems you have different view on a fundamental issue - you think living together is necessary/beneficial before marriage and she believes she should be engaged before cohabitating.

There will be more and bigger issues that you can't agree on if this one isn't lining up for you - you should take more time to talk through those things before anything permanent.

[Anonymous]

So wait, OP. I think getting engaged at 6 months is too soon as well. But then I don't think people should move in with each other at 6 months either. You still don't know where your relationship is heading. And it's not like it's a breeze to move in and then move out in a few months if things don't go well. Hope you guys work it. But if I were you, I'd not see it as being "turned down." You're just on a different timeline.

[Anonymous]

Some people also view living together as a really big commitment, and it sounds like your girlfriend is one of them (hence not wanting to move in together until you're engaged). Just as you're not ready to make a big commitment at six months, you can't demand that she make one she's not ready for either.

[Anonymous]

What's the rush?

[Anonymous]

Older? How so? Are kids involved?

[Anonymous]

I agree with her. She isn't saying you have to get engaged right now, she's saying she won't move in with you until you are engaged. You aren't ready to propose so don't.

There's nothing about how a person does the dishes that should make you want to divorce them and besides, if you move in when you get engaged then you get your little trial period without her having to give away the milk for free.

[Anonymous]

Consider me a +1 to all of the PPs.

[Anonymous]

Your gf is amazing - she's being honest about how she feels and expressing to you that for her, moving in at 6 months is too soon and that she doesn't want to live together with someone unless she's engaged or at least talking about it.

She's a keeper. FWIW - I am like your gf. I wouldn't want to live with someone after 6 months of dating. I think you should continue to date and if she's the one - you'll know it and propose. No amount of moving in together will solidify whether you want to marry her. If you don't want to propose, don't. It doesn't seem as if she's looking for that now either.

[Anonymous]

6 months is very fast even if you're older. You feel it's too soon to get engaged and that's fine. Respect her feelings and revisit in another 6 months.

[Anonymous]

Dump her. You are just one of many men she is sleeping with...she is holding out for the one who makes the most money. You are not that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of 6 months is amazing. She fits me so well and is an amazing person. We are older and have talked about where we see things headed - we both want marriage and kids. Her lease is up, so I asked her if she wants to move in with me. She said no, fearing moving in too quickly will allow us to become complacent with the situation. She isn’t looking to take that next step without getting engaged first. I understand her side, but feel living together will not only make us a stronger couple, but will help us really see if this relationship is forever. I believe you have to live with someone to really know if you can live with them longterm. She is not budging, and I feel six months is too soon to make such a huge commitment.

You are correct, 6 months is too soon to get so serious (either moving in together or engagement). You offered and she said no. Accept it. Over time, as things progress, she will gradually start leaving things there (toothbrush, clothes, make up) and soon enough you will find yourself in a de facto living together situation. You need to back off and let it happen or you will scare her away.

[Anonymous]

I agree with her. Six months IS really soon to move in together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with her. She isn't saying you have to get engaged right now, she's saying she won't move in with you until you are engaged. You aren't ready to propose so don't.

There's nothing about how a person does the dishes that should make you want to divorce them and besides, if you move in when you get engaged then you get your little trial period without her having to give away the milk for free.

+1

[Anonymous]

You're a moron. Propose or dump.