Girlfriend Turned Me Down.

[Anonymous]

DH here. She has standards. I would have less respect for her if she DID move in without even being engaged, and especially after only six months.

There's no reason you need to live together before getting engaged. Even speaking statistically, that does not correlate with higher marital success rates.

You've only been together for six months. She should renew her lease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of 6 months is amazing. She fits me so well and is an amazing person. We are older and have talked about where we see things headed - we both want marriage and kids. Her lease is up, so I asked her if she wants to move in with me. She said no, fearing moving in too quickly will allow us to become complacent with the situation. She isn’t looking to take that next step without getting engaged first. I understand her side, but feel living together will not only make us a stronger couple, but will help us really see if this relationship is forever. I believe you have to live with someone to really know if you can live with them longterm. She is not budging, and I feel six months is too soon to make such a huge commitment.

Disagree. People who live together first have a higher divroce rate because they tend to just fall into marraige as the logical "next step" instead of really thinking about the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of 6 months is amazing. She fits me so well and is an amazing person. We are older and have talked about where we see things headed - we both want marriage and kids. Her lease is up, so I asked her if she wants to move in with me. She said no, fearing moving in too quickly will allow us to become complacent with the situation. She isn’t looking to take that next step without getting engaged first. I understand her side, but feel living together will not only make us a stronger couple, but will help us really see if this relationship is forever. I believe you have to live with someone to really know if you can live with them longterm. She is not budging, and I feel six months is too soon to make such a huge commitment.

Get over yourself. She doesn't want to move in with you until you get engaged. She isn't interested in playing house. Why not respect that?

[Anonymous]

OP, if she won’t move in without a ring, tell her you can’t get married without a contract starting weekly sex and blowjobs. It’s only fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if she won’t move in without a ring, tell her you can’t get married without a contract starting weekly sex and blowjobs. It’s only fair.

I imagined she'll say, "ok, have a good life!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of 6 months is amazing. She fits me so well and is an amazing person. We are older and have talked about where we see things headed - we both want marriage and kids. Her lease is up, so I asked her if she wants to move in with me. She said no, fearing moving in too quickly will allow us to become complacent with the situation. She isn’t looking to take that next step without getting engaged first. I understand her side, but feel living together will not only make us a stronger couple, but will help us really see if this relationship is forever. I believe you have to live with someone to really know if you can live with them longterm. She is not budging, and I feel six months is too soon to make such a huge commitment.

Disagree. People who live together first have a higher divroce rate because they tend to just fall into marraige as the logical "next step" instead of really thinking about the relationship.

No, it’s because people who don’t live together before marriage tend to be more religious and don’t like the idea of divorce.

[Anonymous]

OP, your girlfriend is smarter than you are. I don’t give a rat’s ass about the morality of living together, but there’s a reason couples who live together before marriage have higher divorce rates than those who don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of 6 months is amazing. She fits me so well and is an amazing person. We are older and have talked about where we see things headed - we both want marriage and kids. Her lease is up, so I asked her if she wants to move in with me. She said no, fearing moving in too quickly will allow us to become complacent with the situation. She isn’t looking to take that next step without getting engaged first. I understand her side, but feel living together will not only make us a stronger couple, but will help us really see if this relationship is forever. I believe you have to live with someone to really know if you can live with them longterm. She is not budging, and I feel six months is too soon to make such a huge commitment.

Disagree. People who live together first have a higher divroce rate because they tend to just fall into marraige as the logical "next step" instead of really thinking about the relationship.

No, it’s because people who don’t live together before marriage tend to be more religious and don’t like the idea of divorce.

No, it's not. There are studies. Living together before marriage and engagement creates more divorces.

On average, researchers concluded that couples who lived together before they tied the knot saw a 33 percent higher rate of divorce than those who waited to live together until after they were married. Part of the problem was that cohabitors, studies suggested, “slid into” marriage without much consideration.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/the-science-of-cohabitation-a-step-toward-marriage-not-a-rebellion/284512/

[Anonymous]

I think she's being smart.

I moved in with a bf when his place was up and frankly, all it did was make the inevitable break up much more painful and we stayed together much longer than I wanted to because I was loathe to break a lease, kick him out, move out myself, etc. There was nothing about living together that taught me about our (in)compatibility, which frankly is more about values, choices, and lifestyles, not how you keep your toothbrush.

I did not move in with my now husband until we were engaged (1 year after meeting), but had spent plenty of time at his place and he at mine.

I think you can make a decision about whether you want to marry someone without having lived with them. But 6 months is pretty soon--both for living together and for getting married. Revisit the question in 6 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people also view living together as a really big commitment, and it sounds like your girlfriend is one of them (hence not wanting to move in together until you're engaged). Just as you're not ready to make a big commitment at six months, you can't demand that she make one she's not ready for either.

+1 wait another 6 months and then cross the same bridge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of 6 months is amazing. She fits me so well and is an amazing person. We are older and have talked about where we see things headed - we both want marriage and kids. Her lease is up, so I asked her if she wants to move in with me. She said no, fearing moving in too quickly will allow us to become complacent with the situation. She isn’t looking to take that next step without getting engaged first. I understand her side, but feel living together will not only make us a stronger couple, but will help us really see if this relationship is forever. I believe you have to live with someone to really know if you can live with them longterm. She is not budging, and I feel six months is too soon to make such a huge commitment.

Your girlfriend is right. Statistically you’re more likely to diviorce if you marry after living together first because living together is just avoiding commitment. Move into your own places when the leases are up and keep dating. She’s a keeper, op, and actually sounds smarter than you are.

[Anonymous]

She is right. Why would she move in with you after 6 months and possibly have no place of her own if things turn for the worse? She wants commitment, and you are not ready for it fully. She will dump you soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is right. Why would she move in with you after 6 months and possibly have no place of her own if things turn for the worse? She wants commitment, and you are not ready for it fully. She will dump you soon.

If she’s not ready to move in, why should OP be ready to give her a ring?

[Anonymous]

She sounds smart. Consider that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if she won’t move in without a ring, tell her you can’t get married without a contract starting weekly sex and blowjobs. It’s only fair.

I imagined she'll say, "ok, have a good life!"

Yep she is a loser trap in the 1800’s.