Just told my mother that my daughter is dating a woman

[Anonymous]

It didn't go well. My mother doesn't get it. My daughter(17), her grand daughter, has always liked boys but is now identifying as a lesbian. My DD is posting this on social media, cousins, aunts, etc. are seeing it and I thought I'd be one to share it with my mother before she hears it from another source. Any advice on how to get an 80+ lady to be comfortable with this?

[Anonymous]

How old is the woman your 17 year old is dating?

[Anonymous]

Went through the same with my 80 year old MIL and son. No advice. It totally changed our relationship because she could not support my son and she became just barely nice to him. She never really liked him before, but now she has a reason to basically ignore him while being nice to my other kids. I hope your mother is a better person.

[Anonymous]

DD is dating an 18 year old, no big age gap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is the woman your 17 year old is dating?

Did you really think she was dating an older person because OP called her a "woman"?

[Anonymous]

I am sorry grandma doesn’t get it but I hope you are supportive and accepting of your daughter and choose her happiness over grandma’s.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't expect too much from Grandma, being gay was such a taboo that people of her generation would disown a gay family member and not speak of them at all, like they were dead to the family. There was too much shame and religious superstition in her day, so people just denied gays existed in their families.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I waited for many years to tell my deeply Catholic grandmother in her late 80s that I was dating another woman. It took her some months, but she saw how happy I am and was fine with it (even though even after getting married and having a child she would sometimes still call my wife my roommate, whether from forgetting or still feeling a bit odd about it). Just to offer another story.

[Anonymous]

My family is deeply conservative and it wouldn't go well either, despite the fact that they love my kids dearly.

I wouldn't even tell them, actually - none of the older ones are on social media.

[Anonymous]

I think in your case it was a misstep to tell her— she’s 80 after all and from a different time. I’d avoid further discussion, grandparents really don’t need to know much about grown kids sex lives.

[Anonymous]

Wow -- have to wonder what the responses would have been if OP posted "Just told my mother that my daughter is dating a black guy."

OP -- it's not your job to bring your mom around. She will or she won't. Just be 100% on your daughter's side. If mom makes comments that offend you/her, call them out.

[Anonymous]

Well, I would t like it either. What’s your real question ?

[Anonymous]

I’m 50 and have a 77 year old mother. I think she’d come around eventually,but I will say it often takes much older people a while to change their mindset. If your mom and your daughter have always been close, I am optimistic. If not, well, that’s sad but it may not hurt quite as much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 50 and have a 77 year old mother. I think she’d come around eventually,but I will say it often takes much older people a while to change their mindset. If your mom and your daughter have always been close, I am optimistic. If not, well, that’s sad but it may not hurt quite as much.

or younger, or conservative, or Catholic, or conservative Jew, or Muslim, or in countries where it is a crime. Don't stereotype. For some people of any age, it is just wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 50 and have a 77 year old mother. I think she’d come around eventually,but I will say it often takes much older people a while to change their mindset. If your mom and your daughter have always been close, I am optimistic. If not, well, that’s sad but it may not hurt quite as much.

or younger, or conservative, or Catholic, or conservative Jew, or Muslim, or in countries where it is a crime. Don't stereotype. For some people of any age, it is just wrong.