Just told my mother that my daughter is dating a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In other words, stop judging. You have no idea what the other person's principles are.

Oh, enough already. I'm so sick of the "you are intolerant because you are judging my intolerance!" argument made by conservatives. You think it's a clever rhetorical point, but it just makes you look like an idiot.

Exactly! “Stop judging me for being so judgmental! You have no idea what my principles are!”

What about my principles, Gladys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It didn't go well. My mother doesn't get it. My daughter(17), her grand daughter, has always liked boys but is now identifying as a lesbian. My DD is posting this on social media, cousins, aunts, etc. are seeing it and I thought I'd be one to share it with my mother before she hears it from another source. Any advice on how to get an 80+ lady to be comfortable with this?

So she’s 17 and has been straight all this time, and now just wants to be trendy. WTH? Why has this become acceptable?

You really can’t see why your mom would have a problem with your daughter falling into the Identification du Jour?

[Anonymous]

Whatever. Let the 80 yr old be. Tell your DD she doesn't have to be around grandma if grandma is rude to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It didn't go well. My mother doesn't get it. My daughter(17), her grand daughter, has always liked boys but is now identifying as a lesbian. My DD is posting this on social media, cousins, aunts, etc. are seeing it and I thought I'd be one to share it with my mother before she hears it from another source. Any advice on how to get an 80+ lady to be comfortable with this?

So she’s 17 and has been straight all this time, and now just wants to be trendy. WTH? Why has this become acceptable?

You really can’t see why your mom would have a problem with your daughter falling into the Identification du Jour?

It could be that she hid her real feelings because she knew her family wouldn’t be accepting. Maybe if others would be open minded and not make silly and/or hurtful accusations, people wouldn’t feel they have to hide their true identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It didn't go well. My mother doesn't get it. My daughter(17), her grand daughter, has always liked boys but is now identifying as a lesbian. My DD is posting this on social media, cousins, aunts, etc. are seeing it and I thought I'd be one to share it with my mother before she hears it from another source. Any advice on how to get an 80+ lady to be comfortable with this?

So she’s 17 and has been straight all this time, and now just wants to be trendy. WTH? Why has this become acceptable?

You really can’t see why your mom would have a problem with your daughter falling into the Identification du Jour?

Why am I absolutely sure you would see NO problem with a 17-year-old who "had been gay all this time" suddenly choosing to date someone of the opposite sex?

As for your second statement. I just pray you don't have children of any sexual orientation. Your prejudice needs to end with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in your case it was a misstep to tell her— she’s 80 after all and from a different time. I’d avoid further discussion, grandparents really don’t need to know much about grown kids sex lives.

Exactly, and if your daughter is 17 and has previously liked boys, I wouldn't assume she really is a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

I agree that old conservative people don’t have to be judgmental! I came out to my whole family a few years ago at age 25 because I thought they’d disown me and I wanted to be financially independent first. My catholic parents had a hard time at first so I waited a few months to tell my 90 year old grandfather. My grandfather was catholic, deeply conservative, and only liked Fox News. When I came out to him, i also told him that I was dating my best friend. He paused for a minute and then said that he wished my single aunts could find a woman as good as mine! We still disagreed about politics and many other things after that but I really learned that people can surprise you and themselves in amazing ways. My family was stunned, and I was so glad that I hadn’t waited for him to die before coming out.

[Anonymous]

Grandma is going to die soon. Unless she has money and will disinherit you there is no reason to tow the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It didn't go well. My mother doesn't get it. My daughter(17), her grand daughter, has always liked boys but is now identifying as a lesbian. My DD is posting this on social media, cousins, aunts, etc. are seeing it and I thought I'd be one to share it with my mother before she hears it from another source. Any advice on how to get an 80+ lady to be comfortable with this?

So she’s 17 and has been straight all this time, and now just wants to be trendy. WTH? Why has this become acceptable?

You really can’t see why your mom would have a problem with your daughter falling into the Identification du Jour? [/quote

DP. I can't see why. you love your children no matter what. I have children, and I will love mine and visit in prison even if they killed someone.

And thinking that gay/curious children are not hurting anyone, I think any parent/grandparent who stops showing them love is a fool.

My grandmother is illiterate and extremely conservative, and she would never treat a child differently from the others if you explained to her that the child would be deeply hurt. That will be all that is needed, and she will understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in your case it was a misstep to tell her— she’s 80 after all and from a different time. I’d avoid further discussion, grandparents really don’t need to know much about grown kids sex lives.

Being from a different time is a silly excuse.

You love your children/grandchildren, no matter what. you can cry behind their backs, but you rally behind them especially when they are not hurting anyone.

Where are the grandmothers/mothers who stop speaking to their grandkids/kids for cheating on ther spouses, for stealing etc, for being lazy bums?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my parents (in their mid -70s) that DD has a gf. She was nervous about telling them and asked me to do it. My mom said,”Well that happens.” And moves on. I am so thankful that my daughter feels loved by her whole family. Shame on your mother for not accepting your daughter as God made her.

People in their seventies LIVED through the 70s. They are possibly way more accepting than the teen-aged set thinks they will be.

Not ever senior citizen went to Woodstock or Studio 54.

[Anonymous]

My FIL would not have accepted it, and likely would have banned any gay person from his house. Mid 60's when he died.

Then there's 92 year old Grandma. We all she would have a fit over lesbian neighbors. Oh no.... she likes the neighbors a lot. Says matter of factly "they're lesbians." It's no big deal to her as long as they are good people.

Age doesn't indicate prejudice.

Op, Grandma needs to be respectful. If she can't be then limited contact might be necessary.

[Anonymous]

Lots of assumptions being made here. Some of us grandparents do have pretty open minds. I can't think of a single one of my peers who wouldn't be fine with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of assumptions being made here. Some of us grandparents do have pretty open minds. I can't think of a single one of my peers who wouldn't be fine with this.

^^agreed. A few years' back, my 20 year old nephew began to identify as a female. My 80 Year old Catholic FIL didn't love it at first but he calls my nephew (now niece) by the female pronouns, her new name, etc. He may not love it but he respects my now niece enough to give her that space. Never make judgments or assumptions over what you think another person might do. they might just surprise you. My FIL is more tolerant than much younger family members of the family.

[Anonymous]

My 93yo father was as accepting of meeting my DD’s GF as he’d have been of anyone dating his beloved granddaughter: if they treated her well and were kind, etc-passed in his book. (My mom would have been same RIP.) My DH’s brother was an a-hole but that’s just his character and he’s been same w/anyone not white/jesus type but I guess from responses here so many #1 think ‘old’ people stopped engaging in thoughtful understanding decades ago, that 17, 18 yo’s can’t possibly know themselves.