Just told my mother that my daughter is dating a woman

[Anonymous]

In other words, stop judging. You have no idea what the other person's principles are.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. My DD is out to everyone except my parents. I’d rather they hear from her or me rather than someone else. However, it’s not my place to out her. She’s too young to date, but is very vocal about rights and acceptance so they think she’s just an ally.

[Anonymous]

You just tell you mom you don't care how she feels about it but she needs to keep her thoughts to herself or be not invited to anything.

[Anonymous]

Farmer mom here. Grandma doesn’t have to “get it” she just needs to be civil to your daughter. Tell her she will be kind or else. Then let her adjust. If she makes any bad comments read her the riot act and cut her off for a bit. Then try again. If she can’t get it, her choice.

BTDT. They got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In other words, stop expecting too much. You have no idea what the other person's prejudices are.

ftfy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 50 and have a 77 year old mother. I think she’d come around eventually,but I will say it often takes much older people a while to change their mindset. If your mom and your daughter have always been close, I am optimistic. If not, well, that’s sad but it may not hurt quite as much.

or younger, or conservative, or Catholic, or conservative Jew, or Muslim, or in countries where it is a crime. Don't stereotype. For some people of any age, it is just wrong.

No. It really does take longer for an older person to change their mindset about anything. From having a lesbian granddaughter to leaving more than a 10% tip when they go out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in your case it was a misstep to tell her— she’s 80 after all and from a different time. I’d avoid further discussion, grandparents really don’t need to know much about grown kids sex lives.

I guess grandparents don't need to know when their straight grandchildren are in a serious relationship, engaged, or getting married. Because that would be talking about their "sex life."

[Anonymous]

Some older people never come around.

And sometimes younger people are going through a phase, that will pass. Others aren't. Previous generations did not record all their actions to share on social media, and several of my female friends who dated women for a few years in college are happily married to men and now have grandchildren. Others married their female partners. Some of their parents and grandparents came around, others never spoke to them again and told them they were going to hell.

It's best not to post dating or partying info on the social media you share with aunts, parents, and grandma.

[Anonymous]

And, I never told my parents who I was dating unless I absolutely had to. And I was / am heterosexual. And my grandma still hated my dh and never said more than a couple words to him the rest of her life. Thought he was part black, which he is not. It was bizarre.

If your family is not generally supportive, it's best to share as little info as possible, no matter what your sexual preferences.

[Anonymous]

I told my parents (in their mid -70s) that DD has a gf. She was nervous about telling them and asked me to do it. My mom said,”Well that happens.” And moves on. I am so thankful that my daughter feels loved by her whole family. Shame on your mother for not accepting your daughter as God made her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some older people never come around.

And sometimes younger people are going through a phase, that will pass. Others aren't. Previous generations did not record all their actions to share on social media, and several of my female friends who dated women for a few years in college are happily married to men and now have grandchildren. Others married their female partners. Some of their parents and grandparents came around, others never spoke to them again and told them they were going to hell.

It's best not to post dating or partying info on the social media you share with aunts, parents, and grandma.

You're way too wise for the younger set. The use of social media as changed how they relate to the world. Apparently it doesn't exist and has no meaning if you can't send pics and emojis about it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the woman your 17 year old is dating?

Did you really think she was dating an older person because OP called her a "woman"?

yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my parents (in their mid -70s) that DD has a gf. She was nervous about telling them and asked me to do it. My mom said,”Well that happens.” And moves on. I am so thankful that my daughter feels loved by her whole family. Shame on your mother for not accepting your daughter as God made her.

People in their seventies LIVED through the 70s. They are possibly way more accepting than the teen-aged set thinks they will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In other words, stop judging. You have no idea what the other person's principles are.

Oh, enough already. I'm so sick of the "you are intolerant because you are judging my intolerance!" argument made by conservatives. You think it's a clever rhetorical point, but it just makes you look like an idiot.

[Anonymous]

If your mother doesn't accept your daughter/is civil towards her I guess you have to ask yourself how badly you want to continue your relationship with your mother. Or... which one do you want to keep in your life more? I came out to my parents in high school. Didn't tell my grandparents until I was in college b/c that's when I finally got a gf and they were very supportive.At some point I think you have to ask yourself how much stress do you want in your life?