Told DH I’m no longer attracted to him

[Anonymous]

Over the last 3 years, DH has gained 80lbs and made no efforts to lose the weight. He has told me day after day that he was going to get the gym, stop eating so poorly, quit drinking every day. It hasn’t happened. I feel no physical attraction to him and it finally came out today. He says he wants a divorce. I’m inclined to agree if only so I can stop living in a miserable and sexless marriage.

Where do we go from here? Do I wait and see if this is a wake up call for him? Do we separate and see what it’s like 6 months from now?

FWIW, my weight has gone down 10lbs since we met. I’m 5’5 and 125lb, so never overweight even to begin with. He is now obese.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your marriage has issues beyond the weight. And the issues are caused by both of you. Are kids involved?

[Anonymous]

He's a guy. It's very easy for him to lose weight.

[Anonymous]

What was his reaction when you told him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What was his reaction when you told him.

"He says he wants a divorce."

[Anonymous]

If he actually did lose all the weight gained, do you think you would be able to re-gain the attraction to him??

He should understand how you feel as well as appreciate your honesty (unless it was said in jest!)

Also, gaining all of those lbs. can also shorten his lifespan as well as make him a perfect candidate for cancer, diabetes, hypertension, heart attack, etc.

If he is truly obese, then he needs to make losing weight a top priority whether you two remain married or not.

[Anonymous]

Do you have children?

[Anonymous]

Where do we go from here? Do I wait and see if this is a wake up call for him? Do we separate and see what it’s like 6 months from now?

He says he wants a divorce, so I don't think you are really in the driver's seat at this point, unless he changes his mind.

[Anonymous]

He’ll be so happy divorced. Partial custody. Working out. Long weekends. Do him a favor and get it done quickly.

[Anonymous]

Meant to add you’ll be so happy too. Getting a new guy(s) and being fulfilled.

[Anonymous]

You're not attracted to him. You told him. He wants a divorce.

I mean what were you expecting? For him to be a woman and sulk and beg to stick around?

Go out and find a hottie now.

[Anonymous]

Children? It matters. BTW Op, the issue of attraction .. that's on you. That's your problem. If you're that shallow. Why do sex?

[Anonymous]

meant ~ "why no sex?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not attracted to him. You told him. He wants a divorce.

I mean what were you expecting? For him to be a woman and sulk and beg to stick around?

Go out and find a hottie now.

I agreed with you until you said “be a woman.”

Setting aside the misogyny. You don’t know women. You sound pretty stupid. I know more men that women who begged and cried and pleaded with their wives to stay even as the wives were cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children? It matters. BTW Op, the issue of attraction .. that's on you. That's your problem. If you're that shallow. Why do sex?

F you. Don't call her shallow because she doesn't find 80 pounds overweight unattractive. He isn't taking care of himself. That in of itself is unacceptable. And that plus 80 pounds overweight? Men are meant to be hard, not flabby.

I'm sure if she were a guy talking about a woman ... well, we all know: "Did you gain weight?" ... we've heard it 1000x.