Told DH I’m no longer attracted to him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
1) telling your DH you weren't attracted to him was really brave. wow.
2) Do you want to be married to him? I mean, why did you tell him you weren't attracted to him? Was it to get him to eat better and exercise, or was it to end all sexual relationship that might be? And and the relationship?

Would a husband telling his wife he no longer finds her attractive be considered brave?

Not the same thing. That would be stupid.

Both are stupid (and mean), not brave. OP's a ahole, not a hero.
She's burned an important bridge in her marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Here’s some answers:

Kids: No, we tried for awhile, then determined he had low testosterone (after gaining about 60lbs), he started T shots, so no kids.

Hormones/depression: he’s had all his levels tested and other than the low T (which is now very high), nothing was amiss.

Divorce: He’s a hot head who has always in the 7 years we’ve been together gone straight to break up/divorce response to anything he doesn’t like. He cools down in a day or two and then starts coming to his senses. I classify it as emotional abuse at this point.

He has come up with an excuse every single day for the past year as to why he can’t go to the gym. He lost a job opportunity because he couldn’t pass a PT test. At this point I see him as lazy, not worthy of respect as he has none for himself, and abusive. I had such high hopes that once he started the T shots he’d have the energy/drive to get to the gym and this problem would go away. It’s been a year and he hasn’t done anything but continue gaining weight and make excuses. I guess this time I should call his divorce bluff and move on.

Do YOU want a divorce? Obviously weight gain can be remedied but some issues cannot be... I agree with you that he can't jsut threaten divorce every time he gets upset, and that would be something he would have to change as well. But none of this would be easy probably, so unless you're dedicated, just get out now.

[Anonymous]

You don't have kids, you're not attracted to him, you don't respect him, you call him borderline abusive, and you don't think this state of affairs is going to change.

Why on earth would you want this marriage to continue?

[Anonymous]

this is a classic sign of depression, its too bad both of you are so willing to through away your marriage. medication can help with his depression and motivation. but it sounds like you don't really care anymore... would it be different if you KNEW he had a actual problem (thyroid etc)? what if he was in a care accident and lost both his legs (serious question).

[Anonymous]

You suck OP.

I'd divorce you too.

[Anonymous]

Two years ago after 17 years of marriage, I got diagnosed with MS. I'm exhausted all the time, and I've gained some weight. I try and eat healthy, but sometimes I just want simple carbs. I also have to walk with a cane now. DH has to help me significantly after my treatments. Our sex life is different, less exciting, and less frequent than before as I have limitations now. He still loves me as much as the day he married me because we are together in sickness and in health, and I feel the same way. If you don't have the same level of love and compassion for each other as when you married each other, you need to think long and hard about whether you guys can reclaim that (therapy, communication workshops, etc) OR if you should decouple.

Having seen loved ones go through cancer, ALS, and from my personal experience, I advise people considering marriage that your spouse is now your family. If in their time of need, you won't help them use the restroom, take a sponge bath, or change their catheter, etc., then you shouldn't be married as that is true love. I firmly believe marriage should be about true love, and true love does take work and compassion.

[Anonymous]

My ex-wife tried that routine on me when we were still married: telling me I was unattractive and no one else would ever want me. A few years out of the relationship and I've taken almost two dozen women to bed, and a few of them have been almost 30 years younger than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-wife tried that routine on me when we were still married: telling me I was unattractive and no one else would ever want me. A few years out of the relationship and I've taken almost two dozen women to bed, and a few of them have been almost 30 years younger than me.

We're impressed. Really, we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-wife tried that routine on me when we were still married: telling me I was unattractive and no one else would ever want me. A few years out of the relationship and I've taken almost two dozen women to bed, and a few of them have been almost 30 years younger than me.

This.

Op and her husband will divorce.

Then he will be motivated to get in shape. He will remarry quickly and have kids. Op likely won't.

So ask yourself how you will feel when he's remarried with kids and happy while you are alone? Will you be happy to be free, or bitter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-wife tried that routine on me when we were still married: telling me I was unattractive and no one else would ever want me. A few years out of the relationship and I've taken almost two dozen women to bed, and a few of them have been almost 30 years younger than me.

We're impressed. Really, we are.

He's right though. Just because OP or this guy's ex don't want them, doesn't mean others don't.

[Anonymous]

You guys should split while you don't have kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm DH's second wife. This sounds very familiar to his first wife who would complain he wouldn't work out, wasn't sexy, didn't want to do fitness stuff with her all the time. That's why they divorced, they just were no longer attracted to each other and had different goals for weekend activities. Yes, he's got a dad-bod, but I dig it, and we've been happily married now for almost 10 years and have 2 kids. We go for family walks nightly, but none of us are running a marathon anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm DH's second wife. This sounds very familiar to his first wife who would complain he wouldn't work out, wasn't sexy, didn't want to do fitness stuff with her all the time. That's why they divorced, they just were no longer attracted to each other and had different goals for weekend activities. Yes, he's got a dad-bod, but I dig it, and we've been happily married now for almost 10 years and have 2 kids. We go for family walks nightly, but none of us are running a marathon anytime soon.

OP here. The number of opinions and conjecture about my life are entertaining. I exercise 4 days a week, during my work day. I lost 10lbs by cleaning up my diet, specifically stopping the 5 lunches out every week. I couldn't tell you the last time I did "fitness stuff" on the weekend or expected DH to join me. He's also 5'11" and 300 pounds, so we're well beyond dad-bod at this point.

To answer some of the other questions:
I make 4x what he does, and no, he does not contribute to our quality of life. Since being released from his last steady job (due to an action he took), he has been happily underemployed, enjoying the free time to sleep in and work minimal hours.

When we met, he was in a high-risk job. Had he been injured on the job, that would be different than him just being too lazy to get his life together. Same for if he was genuinely sick and not just glutonous.

His temper seems to be a family trait, as his brother is the same way. They both respond with the most extreme thing they can come up with. Ex-SIL finally gave up. I really don't think there is any amount of drugs or counseling that can change him, especially since he doesn't want to be changed. He thinks this threatening behavior is fine.

Quite honestly, if we divorce and he wants to lose 100lbs to go after some hot young thing, good for him. It won't change all of his negative traits.

Fortunately, I was already working longer hours this week so I could take a long weekend, so I won't have to see him much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-wife tried that routine on me when we were still married: telling me I was unattractive and no one else would ever want me. A few years out of the relationship and I've taken almost two dozen women to bed, and a few of them have been almost 30 years younger than me.

We're impressed. Really, we are.

He's right though. Just because OP or this guy's ex don't want them, doesn't mean others don't.

Of course it doesn't. I'm sure somebody (or, 24 somebodies) thought he was attractive enough to go to bed with. But ... so what? OP is not attracted to her husband. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is there an activity like even walking that your DH might enjoy more than going to the gym, at least to start? Or fitness videos on YouTube?

Not to say that you should stay together.

OP here. We have a dog that he won't even walk around the block once. I walk her every evening after dinner and he won't come with us. He refuses to do anything remotely physical.