Told DH I’m no longer attracted to him

[Anonymous]

OP here. Here’s some answers:

Kids: No, we tried for awhile, then determined he had low testosterone (after gaining about 60lbs), he started T shots, so no kids.

Hormones/depression: he’s had all his levels tested and other than the low T (which is now very high), nothing was amiss.

Divorce: He’s a hot head who has always in the 7 years we’ve been together gone straight to break up/divorce response to anything he doesn’t like. He cools down in a day or two and then starts coming to his senses. I classify it as emotional abuse at this point.

He has come up with an excuse every single day for the past year as to why he can’t go to the gym. He lost a job opportunity because he couldn’t pass a PT test. At this point I see him as lazy, not worthy of respect as he has none for himself, and abusive. I had such high hopes that once he started the T shots he’d have the energy/drive to get to the gym and this problem would go away. It’s been a year and he hasn’t done anything but continue gaining weight and make excuses. I guess this time I should call his divorce bluff and move on.

[Anonymous]

No kids. No kids you can do what you want. Op, you should divorce. It doesn't sound like you are very nice to each other. But the point is, sure. You are both likely to improve as human beings.

[Anonymous]

Divorce. Then work on becoming a better person.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am on TRT myself, so a couple of comments...

1. You can still have kids on TRT. There are work-arounds for that. Sounds like he probably just didn't want to.

2. When I started TRT, and ever since then, it has been an absolute imperative to hit the gym. I have so much extra energy now and that's the only way to burn it off. I am now stronger than I was 20 years ago, in my 20s. I also lost weight and gained muscle. I don't even understand someone that could have high T and not want to hit the gym. Makes me wonder if he is really injecting the T at all.

3. He should be seeing a physician regularly to monitor the progress of his TRT and check his blood tests. You'd think the doc would be curious why he's still a fat unmotivated slob.

As for the divorce threat, at some point you simply have to say, "fine, I'll have the papers drawn up". Otherwise you're going to keep hearing it. If he's bluffing, then calling him on it may cause him to shape up. If he's not bluffing, OK, you're better off not being around a person who doesn't want to be around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am on TRT myself, so a couple of comments...

1. You can still have kids on TRT. There are work-arounds for that. Sounds like he probably just didn't want to.

2. When I started TRT, and ever since then, it has been an absolute imperative to hit the gym. I have so much extra energy now and that's the only way to burn it off. I am now stronger than I was 20 years ago, in my 20s. I also lost weight and gained muscle. I don't even understand someone that could have high T and not want to hit the gym. Makes me wonder if he is really injecting the T at all.

3. He should be seeing a physician regularly to monitor the progress of his TRT and check his blood tests. You'd think the doc would be curious why he's still a fat unmotivated slob.

As for the divorce threat, at some point you simply have to say, "fine, I'll have the papers drawn up". Otherwise you're going to keep hearing it. If he's bluffing, then calling him on it may cause him to shape up. If he's not bluffing, OK, you're better off not being around a person who doesn't want to be around you.

OP here, thanks for this. I have spoken to a few others on TRT and their experience is in line with yours. I’ve watched DH do the shots, so I don’t know what the issue is. As far as kids go, we were on the fence either way. If it happened, great, it not, great. Probably really great that it didn’t happen now.

We were supposed to go on a trip this coming weekend together. I am going to go ahead with it and decide when I get back.

[Anonymous]

Get a divorce and do not look back. My husband threatened this before kids...I wish I left the first time he said divorce over something stupid. The last time he threatened it, I called an attorney the next day but now says he does not want a divorce. This will only get worse if you stay and have kids. This is a no-brainer: end it now.

[Anonymous]

OP, is there an activity like even walking that your DH might enjoy more than going to the gym, at least to start? Or fitness videos on YouTube?

Not to say that you should stay together.

[Anonymous]

I agree due to no kids OP should proceed with the divorce. My wife also gained a bunch of weight and I am not attracted to her. But we have kids so divorce would be much more complicated.

[Anonymous]

OP,
1) telling your DH you weren't attracted to him was really brave. wow.
2) Do you want to be married to him? I mean, why did you tell him you weren't attracted to him? Was it to get him to eat better and exercise, or was it to end all sexual relationship that might be? And and the relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,
1) telling your DH you weren't attracted to him was really brave. wow.
2) Do you want to be married to him? I mean, why did you tell him you weren't attracted to him? Was it to get him to eat better and exercise, or was it to end all sexual relationship that might be? And and the relationship?

Would a husband telling his wife he no longer finds her attractive be considered brave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am on TRT myself, so a couple of comments...

1. You can still have kids on TRT. There are work-arounds for that. Sounds like he probably just didn't want to.

2. When I started TRT, and ever since then, it has been an absolute imperative to hit the gym. I have so much extra energy now and that's the only way to burn it off. I am now stronger than I was 20 years ago, in my 20s. I also lost weight and gained muscle. I don't even understand someone that could have high T and not want to hit the gym. Makes me wonder if he is really injecting the T at all.

3. He should be seeing a physician regularly to monitor the progress of his TRT and check his blood tests. You'd think the doc would be curious why he's still a fat unmotivated slob.

As for the divorce threat, at some point you simply have to say, "fine, I'll have the papers drawn up". Otherwise you're going to keep hearing it. If he's bluffing, then calling him on it may cause him to shape up. If he's not bluffing, OK, you're better off not being around a person who doesn't want to be around you.

OP here, thanks for this. I have spoken to a few others on TRT and their experience is in line with yours. I’ve watched DH do the shots, so I don’t know what the issue is. As far as kids go, we were on the fence either way. If it happened, great, it not, great. Probably really great that it didn’t happen now.

We were supposed to go on a trip this coming weekend together. I am going to go ahead with it and decide when I get back.

Followup with OP, and if it doesnt go well. Get dcum account and you will be flooded with pms and offers.

Does your DH even provide a quality life style?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children? It matters. BTW Op, the issue of attraction .. that's on you. That's your problem. If you're that shallow. Why do sex?

I disagree, he’s checking out of marriage and depending on his health status being a drag on the future of the family.
I bet he looses the weight when they get divorced.

[Anonymous]

How does he jump from that to "I want a divorce"?

Just because you said that and he's offended/hurt or because there are other issues?

I think you are leaving some important info out OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
1) telling your DH you weren't attracted to him was really brave. wow.
2) Do you want to be married to him? I mean, why did you tell him you weren't attracted to him? Was it to get him to eat better and exercise, or was it to end all sexual relationship that might be? And and the relationship?

Would a husband telling his wife he no longer finds her attractive be considered brave?

Not the same thing. That would be stupid.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP, I think it is time to move on. I assume the weight is a symptom of unhappiness, which happened to me when I was in a bad relationship years ago. I packed on the pounds - 50 in 2 years - so yeah it happens. I was emotionally eating. He clearly doesn't want to change right now, and I don't think you're going to change him after 7 years. He is who he is. Go out and find a new mate with similar interests. Also, there are women out there who are attracted to not-super-fit men (hi!), who will find his bodytype attractive. You'll both be happier I think with someone else better suited.