Husband cursed at me several times in front of kids tonight
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Anonymous
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Came home with DS2, 2, to be greeted at door by DS1, 4, hitting me out of nowhere. I put DS2 down and went to have talk with DS1 about his behavior. DH was upstairs sitting on couch nursing a headache.
DS 2 is a runner and has been silently sneaking out of the house when we have our backs turned. DH installed higher up lock to prevent this from happening, I forgot to use lock because DS1 started hitting me as soon as I entered house. Long story short, while I was dealing with DS1 and hitting, DS2 had slipped out door unbeknownst to any of us. He was fine, in front yard but it was obviously scary. DH meanwhile reacts by screaming at me "what the FCK happened? How could you not know he left the house? He could have been killed! You are supposed to lock the door or let me know if you can't watch him. He was almost hit by a car." (Totally untrue no cars on block, he was basically on other side of front door) "This is UNFcKING acceptable bwvahior. You owe me an apology." Oldwr kid, the hitter, starts yelling at DH not to say bad words or yell at Mama. I disappeared into bathroom to sob without kids seeing me. How bad is this? I feel shell shocked and don't know how to handle. Do not want my boys growing up in house where this is behavior modeled by father. |
Anonymous
| Is this common behavior for your DH? |
Anonymous
| OP again -- forgot to add he also said "Jesus Fckng Christ our kids are going to die because of you." Took notes on my phone so would remember everything as best as possible. |
Anonymous
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I would hope he reacted (very, very poorly) out of terror about 2yo. And that with a little time to cool down would apologize profusely and acknowledge that his response came from a good place but was completely unacceptable, in which case I think you two could work through it and use it as a teachable moment for kids.
Anything other than that from him... and I would be f-cking furious and booking counseling appointments. I’m sorry that happened to you. All of it. |
Anonymous
| Not super common but not entirely unheard of either. Blows up regularly, curses at me -- probably not to this extent -- but would say he'll curse in an argument every few months or so. |
Anonymous
| That's crazy and unacceptable and I have a husband with a bad temper. Even he doesn't yell the F word at me in front of them. |
Anonymous
| We all know this isn't the first time he's done this. And you allow it |
Anonymous
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1. This man has an anger management problem. 2. Which shows up in the form of yelling and swearing every time he can't control his emotions, such as this evening, because he had a headache and was scared for his kid. What do you want to do, OP? There are so many spouses in this situation. My best friend. Myself. Plenty of others. Even in our case, when our husbands apologize and admit they have a problem, it still starts again when they're stressed, since that's when they can't control themselves. You can ask him to go to therapy. You can have him screened for ADHD (inattentive, hyperactive, or mixed type) and have him take stimulant meds to get him to feel more in control. But truthfully, I don't think any of this will work 100%. What I do recommend is that you change YOUR attitude. I freeze him out and stand my ground. He gets absolutely nothing from me unless he apologizes in front of his kids. Last time it took him a few days, but he did it. In the meantime, I don't lift a finger for him and don't talk to him. |
Anonymous
| PP again - and I certainly don't apologize or do what he wants me to do when he's in such a mood. I used the "I can't talk to you when you're like this" before, but now making fun of him gets me results earlier. I smile and make fun of his lack of emotional control, and point out that he's having a tantrum like a giant baby - and he stops instantly. |
Anonymous
| My husband did this to me for years. Never got better. Not normal. I'm sorry. |
Anonymous
Are you planning on divorcing? |
Anonymous
My thoughts exactly. And, seriously, if you have a kid that is so at risk that you had to install special locks, then OP really screwed up and put her kid in danger. I know I’ve said things I regret under similar circumstances. It’s not OK, but in the fear of the moment things get said. |
Anonymous
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Op, other than the F word, I would’ve had exactly the same reaction if DH instead of locking door went to “have talks” with DS1 about hitting.
For using F word, only you determine what is ok. To some it’s not ok, someone else may have cursed back and been done with it. |
Anonymous
| Wow what an ass I'm so sorry this happened to you. DH and I don't have any kids yet but it breaks my heart to imagine him talking to me like that, or to imagine my dad ever speaking to my mom like that when I was younger. I hope he apologizes swiftly. Not okay. |
Anonymous
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Here’s what I would consider. You have two sons. They are learning and will continue to learn how to treat women and you specifically by watching their dad and how he treats you.
It’s one thing for you to put up with verbal abuse. But you are making a decision to raise your sons a certain way by staying in this relationship as is. Believe it, it will shape who they are and who they become. If I was you, that thought would keep me up at night and spur me into action. Your status quote isn’t an option. |