Moody and negative husband
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Anonymous
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My husband is so moody and emotional it is exhausting. The hardest part is that it affects his relationship with our five year old son, who he loves dearly but can’t seem to really connect with. When left alone, whether for an outing together, playing, or bedtime, there is always the possibility of the interaction ending badly with my husband over reacting and yelling, stomping away, slamming the door, etc. Tonight bedtime went badly and he has been moping around all night saying how frustrated he is with our son. Yet he does absolutely no reflection on how to improve the relationship. I have tried to offer gentle advice, but I don’t want to lecture him and he rarely seems to want to hear it, so I tread lightly.
I feel bad for our son that he has a father who is so reactive and emotional over normal five year old behavior. I’m also just tired of living with someone who is so negative and helpless. He had seeds of this when we got married, but over the last few years he has gotten angrier, grumpier and less happy. I want a happy life and more than anything I want my son to live in a happy household. I try so hard to give him house full of light and love, but I can’t control my husband’s negative vibe. Just looking for commiseration, advice or thoughts. |
Anonymous
| Curious - how interested was he in having a child to begin with? |
Anonymous
| I have one of those DHs. If his behavior has changed for the worse, check into meds/drugs he may be taking. Is he self medicating? Even if a doctor is giving him the drugs, research them and the next step is counseling and a reevaluation of meds. It will not get better left alone. Good luck, been there. |
Anonymous
| Same here. Following. |
Anonymous
| Does he have a job in which they fire people every few weeks? Maybe he is worried about his job. |
Anonymous
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He was really excited and ready to have a kid. In fact, he has been more ready and willing to have a second, but I have been hesitant to have another child with him. I forgot to say in my original post, I really love this man. But his attitude brings the entire house down.
As for his job, it is stressful for him, but he is secure - a partner in a Midsize firm - he is compensated very well, and his hours are reasonable. It’s the same w the job though. If it’s too stressful he can look for a better fit. I stay home, which was very much a joint decision that he encouraged - and I often suggest that I go back to work so he can take a lower paying job if that is what would make him happy. I have marketable skills and can and am willing to contribute, but he enjoys the lifestyle we both provide for the family (on his end that is essentially no housework, no errands on the weekend, etc.) The thing is - he has no idea what would make him happy and Doesn’t want to do the work to get there. I’m 36 now and I feel like I’m growing up and learning what I want out of life and he is stuck in this negative pattern that he is unwilling or unable to Get out of. Instead he would rather blame me or our son. |
Anonymous
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One thing that may help is to record his meltdowns and replay it at a calmer time. He may be able to see the problem with his behavior if he sees it after the heat of the moment.
I used to start recording when the rages were in full swing. I did it without him noticing. He was embarrassed by his behavior in the videos later, but in the moment he would be a run away train unable to control his rage. It's like he has no ability to see himself as others do. On time a stranger recorded him in a public meltdown and then posted it on the internet. He was embarrassed but it helped to change his behavior. |
Anonymous
| This has to be related to the misery of his job. |
Anonymous
So very weird. |
Anonymous
Or the misery of his life. OP paints a happy picture of every decision made in joint unity with equal satisfaction. While at the same is saying her husband is a selfish prick and has been for at least 7 years. So which is it? He's either a miser who didn't want a child and SAHM or he's an equal partner who isn't as glum as you make it out to be. |
Anonymous
| 20 bucks says he's not getting enough action in bed. |
Anonymous
Sounds like he doesn't have much of a concept of what normal 5 year old behavior is (often frustrating) or how to handle it. Can you get him to agree to sign up for a parenting class? |
Anonymous
Your response is nonsense. Just because you use the phrase “so which is it” doesn’t mean you have identified a contradiction. We made the decision to get married, have a kid, and then for me to stay home (which we check in about often. He knows I’m willing and able to go back to work, but frankly we don’t need the money and HE says he enjoys the stress it takes off him for me to be home taking care of all house/kid related stuff). These things are true, AND it’s true that he is negative and moody. It’s hard living with someone who doesn’t see how his attitude and behavior affects others around him. No one is perfect and I don’t claim to be but I work hard on my happiness and try to make him happy too. But it ultimately is his job to make himself happy. |
Anonymous
| Have you approached him about it? Therapy might help him sort out his feelings. |
Anonymous
| Sometimes I think men can be unaware of how their behavior effects others. Does he get regular workouts? Those help alot. |