I'm in bad shape and have little free time or self control. What's your advice?

[Anonymous]

I want to take better care of myself but haven't succeeded. Really demanding job too and family. Any guidance would really be appreciated

[Anonymous]

You don't actually want to do the work to get in shape. That's your entire problem. Almost nobody you know who is in shape has tons of time. It's a fallacy to think you can't be in shape because you're busy. We all are. The difference between people who are in shape and you is that they prioritize working out and taking care of themselves. That might mean waking up an hour early to workout or staying up an hour later go do it. They don't magically have more time than you, they sacrificed something (sleep) you won't in order to be fit.

It takes no more time to eat nutritious food than it does to eat crappy food. Again, you're choosing not to.

There is no shortcut. You either make yourself work out or you don't. You either pay attention to your nutrition and buckle down on calories or you don't. It's as simple as that. If you're unwilling to do it, you don't actually want to get in good shape. But it's pretty insulting to pretend that other people are in shape because they somehow figured out a loophole you haven't. It totally negates the hard work they have put in by pretending they must have somehow stumbled upon a magic solution you haven't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't actually want to do the work to get in shape. That's your entire problem. Almost nobody you know who is in shape has tons of time. It's a fallacy to think you can't be in shape because you're busy. We all are. The difference between people who are in shape and you is that they prioritize working out and taking care of themselves. That might mean waking up an hour early to workout or staying up an hour later go do it. They don't magically have more time than you, they sacrificed something (sleep) you won't in order to be fit.

It takes no more time to eat nutritious food than it does to eat crappy food. Again, you're choosing not to.

There is no shortcut. You either make yourself work out or you don't. You either pay attention to your nutrition and buckle down on calories or you don't. It's as simple as that. If you're unwilling to do it, you don't actually want to get in good shape. But it's pretty insulting to pretend that other people are in shape because they somehow figured out a loophole you haven't. It totally negates the hard work they have put in by pretending they must have somehow stumbled upon a magic solution you haven't.

I’m sure people will slam PP for being harsh, but it’s the damn truth. We have so much time. It’s about choosing how to spend it. A life changing moment for me was when I was in OP’s place—feeling tired of being overweight and out of shape. I joined a gym and got 3 sessions with a trainer. We kept struggling with finding a time to meet in the evening. She finally looked at me and said, “What are you doing at 5am?” I said, “Sleeping.” She said, “I’ll see you here at 5am tomorrow.” That was 10 years ago, and it was the best thing that ever happened. I don’t always love getting up so early, but do always love the feeling of finishing that work-out. I’m 51 and in the best shape of my life. When I started this I had a 2 year old and a 5 year old. If you want it to happen, you will make it happen.

[Anonymous]

In OPs defense—yes sometimes it’s just a matter of making yourself do it. But there are people who have more time to work out than others. SAHP’s who belong to a gym with child care. SAHP’s who have kids in school full time. Part time working parents (that’s me) can do it at the times they’re not working.

And unless you have enough money to shop exclusively at Whole Foods, eating healthy often means cooking from scratch, chopping and prepping foods in advance. So if the op works crazy hours plus has to schlep kids places in the evenings—it can be hard to fit in cooking time. If you and your SO work a crazy work schedule, it really is hard to fit it all in.

That said...a message to the op, sometimes we can’t imagine waking up any earlier to exercise because we are so tired...but we are so tired because we don’t exercise.

For exercise I challenge you to do 5 minutes a day of something, anything. 5 minutes of a walk down the block. 5 minutes running if you can run. 5 minutes of walking up and down stairs. 5 minutes of sit ups/squats/lunges. Fit that 5 minutes in...maybe while your kids are taking a bath or right after they go to bed. Mark it off on a paper calendar. In 2 weeks, make it 10 minutes. Time yourself, keep marking it on the calendar. Mark the days that it feels easy, write down when it feels hard. In one month re-evaluate what it means to fit exercise in to your life and see if there’s anything you can do better.

For food...make one tiny change a week. Cut down the sugar in your coffee in half. If you drink soda or alcohol, reduce the amount each week. Replace one unhealthy snack with fruits or vegetables. Go very slowly, op, and see how it goes. Mark down those changes on that same paper calendar. Look at it every morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In OPs defense—yes sometimes it’s just a matter of making yourself do it. But there are people who have more time to work out than others. SAHP’s who belong to a gym with child care. SAHP’s who have kids in school full time. Part time working parents (that’s me) can do it at the times they’re not working.

And unless you have enough money to shop exclusively at Whole Foods, eating healthy often means cooking from scratch, chopping and prepping foods in advance. So if the op works crazy hours plus has to schlep kids places in the evenings—it can be hard to fit in cooking time. If you and your SO work a crazy work schedule, it really is hard to fit it all in.

I am the first PP. Sure, there's plenty of SAHMs who have yours for the gym. But there's also MANY women who work and still fit it in and OP needs to be looking at them, not the SAHMs. The working moms who also deal with jobs and kids and busy schedules and commitments who still find time to work out. Because if she only focuses on the SAHMs, she gives herself the excuse not to do it. "Oh I don't have time like they do, ergo I can't be in shape." I'm a teacher, I work every day 8-4:30, get my kids and have to do the evening routine. Many nights I am at work until 8:00 for awards ceremonies, end of year events, sports, etc. you know what I do? Wake up at 4 am so I can drink coffee, lesson plan, then work out. I was up yesterday, Saturday, at 5 am so I could work out and get my house cleaned up before the holiday weekend. I'll do it again today. And trust me, these aren't superhuman feats. Just time management.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to take better care of myself but haven't succeeded. Really demanding job too and family. Any guidance would really be appreciated

Schedule exercise. Literally put it in your diary.

Record everything you eat in an app.

[Anonymous]

I think I'd set my bar to be realistic, eg. to maintain your current weight and get some minimal exercise. Weigh yourself everyday, and if your weight is up skip lunch the next day. Get a fit bit, and set a realistic goal. If you haven't hit it by 8p (or whatever time makes sense for you), plan a 5, 10, etc in walk the next day.

Whatever you can manage is better than nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I'd set my bar to be realistic, eg. to maintain your current weight and get some minimal exercise. Weigh yourself everyday, and if your weight is up skip lunch the next day. Get a fit bit, and set a realistic goal. If you haven't hit it by 8p (or whatever time makes sense for you), plan a 5, 10, etc in walk the next day.

Whatever you can manage is better than nothing.

Why on earth would you set a goal to maintain being overweight

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure that the responses to cut down on sleep in order to make time for exercise are good—it’s been found that lack of sleep contributes to obesity quite a bit. OP, I’d find the time elsewhere. Do you watch an hour of TV every night? Go for a run or do an exercise video instead.

[Anonymous]

I agree that cutting sleep is not the answer, nor is being so busy (with everything including exercise) that you don't get time with your spouse, kids, or self. If you can work exercise in other ways that may be better: family walk or bike ride; gym date with friends; listen to an audiobook while working out instead of looking at TV or internet. I agree you have to plan and schedule it, and you have to stick to the schedule when you'd rather not.
Also, diet is important and not as time consuming. Find a plan (I do weight watchers), plan a week of meals and stick to that plan: you will see results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that the responses to cut down on sleep in order to make time for exercise are good—it’s been found that lack of sleep contributes to obesity quite a bit. OP, I’d find the time elsewhere. Do you watch an hour of TV every night? Go for a run or do an exercise video instead.

I agree. Some people might be okay waking up two hours early to exercise, but others would not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't actually want to do the work to get in shape. That's your entire problem. Almost nobody you know who is in shape has tons of time. It's a fallacy to think you can't be in shape because you're busy. We all are. The difference between people who are in shape and you is that they prioritize working out and taking care of themselves. That might mean waking up an hour early to workout or staying up an hour later go do it. They don't magically have more time than you, they sacrificed something (sleep) you won't in order to be fit.

It takes no more time to eat nutritious food than it does to eat crappy food. Again, you're choosing not to.

There is no shortcut. You either make yourself work out or you don't. You either pay attention to your nutrition and buckle down on calories or you don't. It's as simple as that. If you're unwilling to do it, you don't actually want to get in good shape. But it's pretty insulting to pretend that other people are in shape because they somehow figured out a loophole you haven't. It totally negates the hard work they have put in by pretending they must have somehow stumbled upon a magic solution you haven't.

OP here. Surprised to hear my post was taken as insulting. I suspect PP just wanted to take a victory lap around a fattie online, but, if there's a genuine misunderstanding, I tried to be clear in the title that my lack of self control is the issue. I mentioned my demanding job and family because I thought it was a relevant consideration (e.g. no joining a post-work soccer league for me). So when PP says I don't actually want to get in shape, he might be right. But I want to want to. If anyone has gone from where I'm at to a better place, I'd be grateful to hear some practical considerations.

Thanks for all the helpful posts along these lines.

[Anonymous]

I think the responses are harsh. Plan two workouts for the weekend and start there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that the responses to cut down on sleep in order to make time for exercise are good—it’s been found that lack of sleep contributes to obesity quite a bit. OP, I’d find the time elsewhere. Do you watch an hour of TV every night? Go for a run or do an exercise video instead.

I agree. Some people might be okay waking up two hours early to exercise, but others would not.

OP here. M-F I basically work and spend time with my family. Sometimes we go for walks during that time, but I don't really ever just sit and watch TV. One idea I've been trying on is biking to work since that would replace commuting time with working out. Another is buying an exercise bike so I can work out while being present and around the family. Do you think either of those sound promising?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that the responses to cut down on sleep in order to make time for exercise are good—it’s been found that lack of sleep contributes to obesity quite a bit. OP, I’d find the time elsewhere. Do you watch an hour of TV every night? Go for a run or do an exercise video instead.

I agree. Some people might be okay waking up two hours early to exercise, but others would not.

OP here. M-F I basically work and spend time with my family. Sometimes we go for walks during that time, but I don't really ever just sit and watch TV. One idea I've been trying on is biking to work since that would replace commuting time with working out. Another is buying an exercise bike so I can work out while being present and around the family. Do you think either of those sound promising?

I think those both sound promising!