Ever feel like when guys are ready to settle down/marry, it happens instantly?
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Anonymous
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DH grew up (from preschool age onwards) in a small CA beachtown and has had a core group of 5 guy friends his whole life -- even though they went to different colleges; scattered around the country/world. 3 married, 2 single -- everyone is 32-33. It's always amazing to me how quick a man can find a woman to marry once he decides -- that's it, I want a wife and kids. At the wedding of the 3rd of his friends, one of the single guys who is super handsome, has always been a flirty/party type etc. drunkenly expressed some sentiments of -- it'll never happen for me, you guys are so lucky throughout the wedding weekend. Some of it was just alcohol, but we suspected it was coming from somewhere -- he had had these thoughts before. This was 8 months ago. After the wedding weekend he goes back to New Zealand (where he and his family moved post- high school -- but they're wealthy enough that they come to the US at least 2-4 times/yr so DH and the rest of the friend group is still a part of his life), signs up for an online dating site, meets a girl within 1-2 weeks, dates her, travels with her off to Europe etc. and boom within 8 mos they are engaged. From what DH and I have heard about her from friend, she sounds nice and we're looking forward to meeting her when they come to the US in 1-2 weeks bc she is bringing him to introduce him to her parents for the first time and to have both families meet.
Happy for them, but I feel like guys have it so much "easier" in this regard -- if they're looking to settle down and you're the next one they meet, that's it. Meanwhile I have plenty of single gfs in the same age range who are fantastic who are stuck in the game of -- does he like me, does he not, he didn't text me back etc. Am I the only one who thinks it's like this for guys? |
Anonymous
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Probably because it does.
If they're moderately good-looking and have money the Carrie Bradshaws and Nikki Bellas of the world will be waiting in the wings to swoop in and 'save' them. |
Anonymous
And there’s why you’re still single. You’re concerned about men with money - just like on tv! - and grading women based on lifestyle resemblance to an affluent tv character. |
Anonymous
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No. I'm a woman and I decided quickly too. So sad that you're carrying on all kinds of silly stereotypes with this thread, OP. |
Anonymous
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I think it’s age related. I actually think guys feel the pressure to settle down in their early 30s, much the way women do.
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Anonymous
Lady, I'm a millionaire in my own right. Being concerned about men with money isn't my problem. |
Anonymous
| Much in the same way a woman can decide to have sex, and find a willing partner pretty readily. No shortage of men looking for no-strings attached sex, as well as no shortage of women looking willing to accept a marriage proposal. |
Anonymous
+1. I think it gets downplayed but I have seen guys feel the pressure re marriage/kids by their mid 30s ESP if they're the kind of guys with tight friend groups. Saw it in my DH's friend circle which is much like the one OP's DH has though it's college guys, not childhood guys. The last 2 guys to get married in that group were about 34-36 and it started to seem like they were looking at everyone else's spouses/kids and thinking -- damn I'm missing out on something that my friends have. I don't think it's bc the married friends were doing the whole -- well are you dating anyone, how about this girl from my office -- thing (AFAIK -- I don't hang with them when it's just the boys so who knows). If anything, I think the married fathers expressed how jealous they were of those guys' lives -- i.e. you just went golfing in Scotland for 5 days, wish I could do that . . . . . But on the few trips we took together and the few wedding weekends, you could kind of tell that they'd look at their married friends at the end of the night looking to see if anyone wanted to hit up a bar/after party, as the married guys retired to their rooms with their wives, and they either went back to their rooms solo or hit up a bar to find a conversation or a hookup or whatever, and eventually it just got old/lonely. Each of them reached that point at different times, but when they did YES each of them was married within 12-18 mos later. I think that's when they started taking dating seriously and if they found a woman who was attractive/nice/whatever enough, they were committed to making it work and locking it up quick, rather than thinking -- hmm maybe there's someone better out there. |
Anonymous
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From what I've seen from my friends/peers, I think these types of men who settle fast are willing to take a risk based on a lot more assumptions -- i.e. so we'll be interfaith, so what it'll work out; of course she'll support my career - NBD if we have to move cross country; of course she'll handle my crazy mother. And there's no shortage of women willing to accept a marriage proposal -- esp since you mention this guy is a wealthy/wealthy family New Zealander who a good looking, flirty type.
OTOH lots (not all) of my women friends are MUCH more cautious. They aren't the types ready/willing to accept a marriage proposal until everything is ironed out -- will he support my career; or will he be ok with me being a SAHM; does he make enough for me to be a SAHM and live large; how much involvement does he expect with his fam; can we live far from his fam and close to mine; does he 100% realize that I'll never move so he can never accept a job offer in NYC etc. etc. I understand their caution (bc I was the same) -- but I think smart/successful women have more of a tendency to over plan/over analyze than smart/successful men. So often the smart/successful man who is looking to marry asap and isn't looking to do the 3 yrs of living together to know every last detail about her, he often overlooks similarly smart/successful women and goes for a regular hot woman bc there's a greater chance she'll accept a marriage proposal bc of who he is without needing to iron out every last detail. |
Anonymous
THIS. Many women will accept a marriage proposal just based on the fact that this guy is super handsome, charming, and from a wealthy family. That's why guys like this can get it done asap. Joe Blow sitting in a gov't cubicle, balding, with a pot belly and no personality -- he'd probably have to work way harder to find a woman. |
Anonymous
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Yep -- I'm good friends with a woman who accepted said marriage proposal. From what we've learned -- her DH was 37, wanted to settle down, 2 married brothers with lots of nieces/nephews and starting to feel a bit like it'd never happen for him. Happens to be in Philadelphia to run a marathon. Thru the race weekend he kept seeing a younger woman (25) at hotel bar -- full of personality, having a great time, all smiles with lots of friends. He works up the nerve to give her his number.
She calls, they date for a few months, take a few vacations together. As someone said above, she's not an over planner at all -- she's just taken by this handsome guy whose interested in her. Doesn't hurt that he's a New Yorker who is a partner in a small company, owns his own apartment, their first vacation together is Hawaii etc. And within 6 mos they're engaged. They didn't get married for like a yr or 2 bc her mom and dad were kind of terrified that this 37 yr old stranger just wanted to marry her tomorrow so they slowed it down, spent time with both families, realized everyone was normal/good families etc. And happily ever after. Easily the happiest couple I know -- though a lot of that has to do with their fun, easy going, don't take life so seriously personality -- and it doesn't hurt that they can live in NYC with no money worries. |
Anonymous
| I agree with you OP. I think it’s partly because men typically do the asking and are not the ones waiting to be asked, whether it’s for a date or a marriage proposal. So I feel like they do control their own destiny in that regards. Also, I think the PP was spot on about woman overthinking while the settle fast guy assumes things will work out in his favor. |
Anonymous
| It happens to men and women. In my circle it doesn't seem like they are great choices, but who's to say? |
Anonymous
Come on, be honest. The guy in the cubicle could be fit and nice, and he still has trouble. Because you want the money and the lifestyle. |
Anonymous
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OP, I'm 48 years old, and things aren't always what they seem.
The guy you're referring to in this scenario was probably drunk at his friend's wedding because he's secretly in love with his best friend's bride. They had sex right before the wedding. Or, maybe he's secretly in love with the groom. He realized he couldn't have the one he wanted, so he married the next available woman, to ease his pain. In 10 years, both couples will be divorced. |