Ever feel like when guys are ready to settle down/marry, it happens instantly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Much in the same way a woman can decide to have sex, and find a willing partner pretty readily. No shortage of men looking for no-strings attached sex, as well as no shortage of women looking willing to accept a marriage proposal.

THIS. Many women will accept a marriage proposal just based on the fact that this guy is super handsome, charming, and from a wealthy family. That's why guys like this can get it done asap. Joe Blow sitting in a gov't cubicle, balding, with a pot belly and no personality -- he'd probably have to work way harder to find a woman.

Come on, be honest. The guy in the cubicle could be fit and nice, and he still has trouble. Because you want the money and the lifestyle.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s age related. I actually think guys feel the pressure to settle down in their early 30s, much the way women do.

+1

I think it is age, and what they're friends are doing - if a guy's friends are starting to marry off, they might see happy friends/couples, and might want that for themselves. Also, if a man "let a good one get away" (especially if it is a long term relationship) he might not want to have to bear that again, and might marry the next one that comes along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s age related. I actually think guys feel the pressure to settle down in their early 30s, much the way women do.

+1

I think it is age, and what they're friends are doing - if a guy's friends are starting to marry off, they might see happy friends/couples, and might want that for themselves. Also, if a man "let a good one get away" (especially if it is a long term relationship) he might not want to have to bear that again, and might marry the next one that comes along.

Yes. For all the viciousness directed towards "desperate" "baby hungry" women in their 30, most normal guys will start to feel the need to settle down in their 30s.

[Anonymous]

So two points.

I think that a lot of this is perception. You don't hear about the dating ins and outs of your husband's male friends. So it seems "easy" for him because he hasn't gossiped with you about the day to day details of his romantic life.

Second, I think that men and women do their filtering at different stages. So women are more likely to decide someone isn't spouse material at say a month whereas men will decide later in the process. So it's not any easier for men, but the specific fact pattern of being in an intermediate length relationship with a partner who doesn't want to get married may happen to women more.

[Anonymous]

Yes OP. In fact, I have seen situations where a guy will date a woman for a long time, is never going to marry her, she dumps him, and then within a year he is married to someone else.

[Anonymous]

Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the gatekeepers of relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So two points.

I think that a lot of this is perception. You don't hear about the dating ins and outs of your husband's male friends. So it seems "easy" for him because he hasn't gossiped with you about the day to day details of his romantic life.

Second, I think that men and women do their filtering at different stages. So women are more likely to decide someone isn't spouse material at say a month whereas men will decide later in the process. So it's not any easier for men, but the specific fact pattern of being in an intermediate length relationship with a partner who doesn't want to get married may happen to women more.

This. Guys tend not to share dating woes -- certainly not with their married friends' wives but often not even with their guy friends. Or if they're the fratty type, they'll say casual things re sex but won't get into actual dating/marriage issues. They're not going to get into a discussion with their friends about -- I dated her for 4 months, I was starting to feel like she was the one and then she drops it on me that she'll never move to America with me; but I've been in NZ for 10 yrs, I want to come back in the next 2-3 yrs and my company is willing to transfer me back so I can't marry someone who'll never even consider the idea of leaving New Zealand. So while it may look like it was easy, you don't know how many women he went thru in NZ to find the one.

For all you know, he could have been dating steadily for the last 2 yrs, even had a few medium term gfs that it didn't work out with. That may be where the drunken -- I'll never find anyone -- talk comes from when he's around his buddies. Then he half heartedly goes on a few dates when he's back home in NZ and meets the one.

[Anonymous]

Guy here. In my friend group, once the first one got engaged/married, we all followed suit within the next few years. We even would make a bet at each wedding who would be next. Then the same with having kids. At least that one is convenient as all our kids are similar ages and can play together.

[Anonymous]

A good looking man with money who is still young-ish at 32 can accomplish this quicky. That’s when the marriage market shifts over to the males’ favor. And Women have a much greater sense of desperation when they are that age. But guys feel lots of social pressure to marry by 35 too, especially if their friends are married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Meanwhile I have plenty of single gfs in the same age range who are fantastic who are stuck in the game of -- does he like me, does he not, he didn't text me back etc. Am I the only one who thinks it's like this for guys?

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A good looking man with money who is still young-ish at 32 can accomplish this quicky. That’s when the marriage market shifts over to the males’ favor. And Women have a much greater sense of desperation when they are that age. But guys feel lots of social pressure to marry by 35 too, especially if their friends are married.

My DH has a job at a Big 4 firm. He works on massive teams, with plenty of "good looking men with money". Virtually none of these guys are still single at 32. It seems like most of his male colleagues are disproportionately married to their college sweethearts. The guys he works with who have everything going for them on paper and are still single in their 30s seem like kind of a mess, actually.

[Anonymous]

It is a truth well known to all the world that an unmarried man in possession of a large fortune must be in need of a wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Meanwhile I have plenty of single gfs in the same age range who are fantastic who are stuck in the game of -- does he like me, does he not, he didn't text me back etc. Am I the only one who thinks it's like this for guys?

Nope.

Yeah- just because they're good friends to you, doesn't mean they're appealing to the opposite sex. Of course you like them-they're your friends! But I think that you may need to consider the things that make them seem cool to you (good careers, clever snappy wit, stylish clothing, fancy drinking/eating tastes) may not be what men are looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Meanwhile I have plenty of single gfs in the same age range who are fantastic who are stuck in the game of -- does he like me, does he not, he didn't text me back etc. Am I the only one who thinks it's like this for guys?

Nope.

Yeah- just because they're good friends to you, doesn't mean they're appealing to the opposite sex. Of course you like them-they're your friends! But I think that you may need to consider the things that make them seem cool to you (good careers, clever snappy wit, stylish clothing, fancy drinking/eating tastes) may not be what men are looking for.

Women have more criteria for husbands than men have for wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Much in the same way a woman can decide to have sex, and find a willing partner pretty readily. No shortage of men looking for no-strings attached sex, as well as no shortage of women looking willing to accept a marriage proposal.

THIS. Many women will accept a marriage proposal just based on the fact that this guy is super handsome, charming, and from a wealthy family. That's why guys like this can get it done asap. Joe Blow sitting in a gov't cubicle, balding, with a pot belly and no personality -- he'd probably have to work way harder to find a woman.

Come on, be honest. The guy in the cubicle could be fit and nice, and he still has trouble. Because you want the money and the lifestyle.

I will never understand how DC is the most educated city in the country with a very, very high number of highly successful professional women and yet these men on DCUM act like this city is a hotbed of goldigging whores looking for a quick ticket out of the ratrace with some schmuck with a decent paycheck. If this is what it seems like to you in this are, you need to find better people to surround yourself with. This city is 60/40 on women vs. men. If you have lived other places? Dating is great for men here. And yes, that nice guy in a cubicle should do great, provided he is actually nice and not a Nice Guy TM.