Planning to leave my husband once our youngest starts college

[Anonymous]

In the fall. I’m sure it will be a huge shock as he knows nothing about this. But I’ve been thinking that I’m young enough to start over - I’m only 48. I could still meet someone. But more than that I just want to start my life over and live on my own terms. I never got to do that in my 20s. I’ve literally spent my entire adult life taking care of other people and I am so burned out. I just want to be selfish and live for myself now.

Anywhere here’s my real question. I’m thinking about waiving my right to my half of the assets (several million dollars, none of it earned by me) and all our stuff. I just don’t to bring want any of that stuff with me. My friend says this is literally insane but I can’t convince her why I don’t want any of that stuff, even the money. I want to start over like I’m 22. I have a good enough job to support myself.

Has anyone else been through this? Do you think I will regret the financial aspect? Friend says I should raise the possibility of separation first and ease into it. But honestly I just want to take the leap and feel the free fall. I just want to completely burn it down.

Anyone btdt who can talk me through this?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to go to counseling and see a financial advisor. You’re not thinking clearly.

[Anonymous]

You will regret it. Take the money, no one knows what the future holds, and you are entitled to it under the law.

I'm a divorced mom about your age and wish I were in your shoes.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want half. Makes no sense. Even if you get it to give to the college grad

[Anonymous]

OP, think hard and fast about this. I understand the leap of faith but i would be concerned about unexpected medical bills as you get older.

Take the leap of faith but take a little nest egg emergencies. If you truly do succeed, and you will, give the money to future grandkids or charity.

[Anonymous]

If I take the money I will still feel tied to him. He has used this money to control and limit me (pushing me into being a SAHM even after kids started school) all my adult life. I’m done.

I want to see his face when I tell him I don’t want it and I don’t need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I take the money I will still feel tied to him. He has used this money to control and limit me (pushing me into being a SAHM even after kids started school) all my adult life. I’m done.

I want to see his face when I tell him I don’t want it and I don’t need it.

Take the money. He'll be a lot more pleased if you don't.

And if you've been out of the workforce all these years, you're going to need it. Please be rational about this; don't torpedo your new life before you even begin it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I take the money I will still feel tied to him. He has used this money to control and limit me (pushing me into being a SAHM even after kids started school) all my adult life. I’m done.

I want to see his face when I tell him I don’t want it and I don’t need it.

If you have a good lucrative job, why is it that he earned it all and you earned nothing? It doesn't make sense.

You will need money for retirement, and you are almost 50 as it is.

If you tell him no, you will be making him so happy and he will replace you with a 30 year old - is that how you want him to feel?

[Anonymous]

What about your kids?!?

[Anonymous]

If you don't take your half then all of that money will go to his next wife instead of (eventually) to your kids.

[Anonymous]

You sound really immature. Breaking up a family, even if the kids have started college, will have a significant impact on their lives and you are treating it like a “gotcha”.

I recommend therapy and a good dose of growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I take the money I will still feel tied to him. He has used this money to control and limit me (pushing me into being a SAHM even after kids started school) all my adult life. I’m done.

I want to see his face when I tell him I don’t want it and I don’t need it.

If you have a good lucrative job, why is it that he earned it all and you earned nothing? It doesn't make sense.

You will need money for retirement, and you are almost 50 as it is.

If you tell him no, you will be making him so happy and he will replace you with a 30 year old - is that how you want him to feel?

I make around 50k - not lucrative but enough to live on my own and support myself esp. if I get a raise in the near future. I don’t need much. I just want a sense of freedom.

[Anonymous]

You need retirement assets. You want to start over like you're 22, but that's 25+ years of savings opportunities and compound interest you can't get again. You don't have to fight tooth and nail for every last penny, but don't leave yourself eating cat food in retirement because you gave everything up in a divorce.

[Anonymous]

OP. Can anyone here understand what it’s like when a man uses money to treat you like a child? He sees it as protecting me and giving me a comfortable life. I know that. I know he thinks we have a great marriage but that’s because he almost never looks at things from my perspective. I see now that he treats me like a child - it’s a form of control and I see that I allowed myself to be stunted.

[Anonymous]

Believe me, I get you but you should see a counselor or therapist to make sure you've planned this effectively and not just living in the moment.

You should also see a financial advisor to make sure you aren't setting yourself up for spending the rest of your life in poverty. You won't be able to work forever and it's unlikely you're going to find a well-paying job without any recent experience. Even cheap apartments are expensive.