Planning to leave my husband once our youngest starts college

[Anonymous]

Leaving your husband won't make you 22.

[Anonymous]

This has got to be a troll. Or a STBXDH fantasy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I take the money I will still feel tied to him. He has used this money to control and limit me (pushing me into being a SAHM even after kids started school) all my adult life. I’m done.

I want to see his face when I tell him I don’t want it and I don’t need it.

If you have a good lucrative job, why is it that he earned it all and you earned nothing? It doesn't make sense.

You will need money for retirement, and you are almost 50 as it is.

If you tell him no, you will be making him so happy and he will replace you with a 30 year old - is that how you want him to feel?

I make around 50k - not lucrative but enough to live on my own and support myself esp. if I get a raise in the near future. I don’t need much. I just want a sense of freedom.

That's nice but watching how fast my parents aged and declined in their 70's I can tell you you are taking a huge risk. You could be destitute, dying, and alone, especially if your kids are confused and resentful about the divorce (which they may be).

You are thinking like an impulsive teenager. I also think some therapy is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I take the money I will still feel tied to him. He has used this money to control and limit me (pushing me into being a SAHM even after kids started school) all my adult life. I’m done.

I want to see his face when I tell him I don’t want it and I don’t need it.

If you have a good lucrative job, why is it that he earned it all and you earned nothing? It doesn't make sense.

You will need money for retirement, and you are almost 50 as it is.

If you tell him no, you will be making him so happy and he will replace you with a 30 year old - is that how you want him to feel?

I make around 50k - not lucrative but enough to live on my own and support myself esp. if I get a raise in the near future. I don’t need much. I just want a sense of freedom.

I don't think you've got a good sense of what you're cost of living will be. When I made $50k, I lived in a studio apt for $750 a month, and I still found things tight at times. You'd be hard-pressed to get a place that cheap anywhere around here. I get where you are emotionally, but you are not being realistic.

[Anonymous]

If you live in the DC area and make 50K that's not a good existence. And you'll never save enough to retire. Take the money, you'll need it.

[Anonymous]

You’ll have to pay 1/2 or the college tuition as well. Colleges look at the sum of income to determine need. If your exDH has all the money he will call all the shots, I’d take it as the “gotcha”. Also I understand you feel you need OUT. I just wish there was infidelity or some other reason I could support you leaving, as it is, I think you’ll regret it after the fog clears, especially if you’re 60 and broke and he’s living it up with his new wife (who’d live to be a sahw traveling with her new man)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I take the money I will still feel tied to him. He has used this money to control and limit me (pushing me into being a SAHM even after kids started school) all my adult life. I’m done.

I want to see his face when I tell him I don’t want it and I don’t need it.

If you have a good lucrative job, why is it that he earned it all and you earned nothing? It doesn't make sense.

You will need money for retirement, and you are almost 50 as it is.

If you tell him no, you will be making him so happy and he will replace you with a 30 year old - is that how you want him to feel?

I make around 50k - not lucrative but enough to live on my own and support myself esp. if I get a raise in the near future. I don’t need much. I just want a sense of freedom.

That is not nearly enough money to live in this area. You’re talking a studio apartment so the kids will never stay with you. When they get married and have kids you won’t be able to host or afford to travel to visit them. No travel for yourself or dinners out. The list of things you take for granted will no longer be an option. Hell, the type of car you can buy on that salary is a used clunker that will break down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Can anyone here understand what it’s like when a man uses money to treat you like a child? He sees it as protecting me and giving me a comfortable life. I know that. I know he thinks we have a great marriage but that’s because he almost never looks at things from my perspective. I see now that he treats me like a child - it’s a form of control and I see that I allowed myself to be stunted.

With every post it is apparent you need to see a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I take the money I will still feel tied to him. He has used this money to control and limit me (pushing me into being a SAHM even after kids started school) all my adult life. I’m done.

I want to see his face when I tell him I don’t want it and I don’t need it.

well if you leave without the money that will be the ultimate control, won't it?

but i agree you don't sound like you're thinking clearly. please get help.

[Anonymous]

I understand where you’re coming from to an extent op because my mom did the same thing. Just be prepared that no one in your family will understand and your grown children might freak out.

[Anonymous]

What's your husband's name? I thinkni found my nee husband on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the fall. I’m sure it will be a huge shock as he knows nothing about this. But I’ve been thinking that I’m young enough to start over - I’m only 48. I could still meet someone. But more than that I just want to start my life over and live on my own terms. I never got to do that in my 20s. I’ve literally spent my entire adult life taking care of other people and I am so burned out. I just want to be selfish and live for myself now.

Anywhere here’s my real question. I’m thinking about waiving my right to my half of the assets (several million dollars, none of it earned by me) and all our stuff. I just don’t to bring want any of that stuff with me. My friend says this is literally insane but I can’t convince her why I don’t want any of that stuff, even the money. I want to start over like I’m 22. I have a good enough job to support myself.

Has anyone else been through this? Do you think I will regret the financial aspect? Friend says I should raise the possibility of separation first and ease into it. But honestly I just want to take the leap and feel the free fall. I just want to completely burn it down.

Anyone btdt who can talk me through this?

You need to get your party on, woman! First step: get everything - and I mean everything! - bedazzled!

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but you are no spring chicken and you need to think about your retirement. Take your share and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but you are no spring chicken and you need to think about your retirement. Take your share and move on.

And invest it in bedazzling. You gotta be in it to win it: Sparkle like Meghan Markle! BOO-YA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't take your half then all of that money will go to his next wife instead of (eventually) to your kids.

This, get everything you can get.