A perfectly nice date

[Anonymous]

Single after 20 years with 2 elem kids. I'm 46. Last night I went out with a perfectly nice man. I had a nice time. The conversation was good and we laughed. At the conclusion of the date, he walked me to my car and hugged me goodbye. This was date 2, the first was coffee last week.

Where do I go from here? DCUM says "date and have fun". DCUM also says "don't waste a guys time". I'm not ready to sleep with him. I can't even answer if I would be willing to sleep with him. I'd like to go out with him again because I had a nice evening. I'm more than happy to pay my own way. How can a person decide after a few hours that they want to date someone or that they're ready to sleep with someone?

[Anonymous]

I sure can't figure out whether I want to sleep with someone in three dates, or even five or six for that matter.
That's not enough time for me.
If he asks you out again, go out with him again. Don't sleep with someone until you really want to and feel comfortable doing so. This three date thing is a myth propagated by men trying to rush women into sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sure can't figure out whether I want to sleep with someone in three dates, or even five or six for that matter.
That's not enough time for me.
If he asks you out again, go out with him again. Don't sleep with someone until you really want to and feel comfortable doing so. This three date thing is a myth propagated by men trying to rush women into sex.

This. The right man will understand that the measure of your libido is not whether or not you put out at date 3.

[Anonymous]

I feel like if I don't want to sleep with someone after the first date, then there's no physical chemistry. Just me?

[Anonymous]

It's absolutely okay to say, "I'm new to this and I don't know where it's going, but I sure would love to see you again. Would you like to go Dutch, or let it be my treat, while we get to know each other more?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's absolutely okay to say, "I'm new to this and I don't know where it's going, but I sure would love to see you again. Would you like to go Dutch, or let it be my treat, while we get to know each other more?"

That's awkward. I would not do that. It's a third date! Of course she doesn't know where it is going. Just say yes if you want to see him again. Make the gesture to pay half when the bill comes but if he insists, just let him pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's absolutely okay to say, "I'm new to this and I don't know where it's going, but I sure would love to see you again. Would you like to go Dutch, or let it be my treat, while we get to know each other more?"

That's awkward. I would not do that. It's a third date! Of course she doesn't know where it is going. Just say yes if you want to see him again. Make the gesture to pay half when the bill comes but if he insists, just let him pay.

PP

I wouldn't lead with that after "hello," but you realize that it is common in this culture for people to have sex on the third date, right? It's going to come up sometime soon.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he's interested in a third date? Was it a "goodbye hug" or a "goodnight hug"? By the third date you should know if there is chemistry but that doesn't mean you need to sleep with him. Being single after twenty years means you have every right to takes things slow. If a guy can't respect that then he's not worth it. If you don't sense any chemistry beyond he's a nice guy then you shouldn't waste a lot of time, nor should he.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like if I don't want to sleep with someone after the first date, then there's no physical chemistry. Just me?

+1 but I think I may rush into sex too soon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single after 20 years with 2 elem kids. I'm 46. Last night I went out with a perfectly nice man. I had a nice time. The conversation was good and we laughed. At the conclusion of the date, he walked me to my car and hugged me goodbye. This was date 2, the first was coffee last week.

Where do I go from here? DCUM says "date and have fun". DCUM also says "don't waste a guys time". I'm not ready to sleep with him. I can't even answer if I would be willing to sleep with him. I'd like to go out with him again because I had a nice evening. I'm more than happy to pay my own way. How can a person decide after a few hours that they want to date someone or that they're ready to sleep with someone?

Guy here - if you described me as "a perfectly nice man, had a nice time, conversation was good and we laughed" I'm not sure I would have picked up any vibes from our date that you had any real interest in me. After two dates most guys can sense if a women has any real interest....or not. I don't expect a woman to sleep with me after just a few dates but if I don't feel some mutual chemistry after 2 or 3 dates I know it's time to move on.

[Anonymous]

OP, I dated the guy who ultimately became my husband for four and a half month before we had sex. I just wasn't ready before that. At one point I said something about it to him, like "I don't want you to feel like I'm leading you on ..." and he asked if I was one of those girls who wouldn't have sex until I was married. As soon as I said no he said okay, he could wait.

Do not rush yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like if I don't want to sleep with someone after the first date, then there's no physical chemistry. Just me?

+1 but I think I may rush into sex too soon?

It take me more than one date - sometimes I may not be that enamored on the first date but by third or fourth I really like the guy

And just because I may feel on a first date that I'd want to sleep with someone doesn't mean I'd be ready to sleep with someone. Plenty of times I massively want to sleep with a guy but I want to wait till I know him better and be in a certain place emotionally with each other.

[Anonymous]

Being single after twenty years means you have every right to takes things slow. If a guy can't respect that then he's not worth it.

What a content-free pair of sentences! You’re worried about “rights”? Worry about what works.
If you want to not get naked for lots of dates, and if guys you actually like don’t stick around, your choice had consequences.

Will your plan, whatever it is, work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sure can't figure out whether I want to sleep with someone in three dates, or even five or six for that matter.
That's not enough time for me.
If he asks you out again, go out with him again. Don't sleep with someone until you really want to and feel comfortable doing so. This three date thing is a myth propagated by men trying to rush women into sex.

Guy: it varies, i have had sex with women after 2 dates or even 4-5. I think if you’ve not kissed or anything by the 5th date I’d be wondering if I was being strung along. I’ve texted people for months and none of them ever changed there minds and suddenly deciddd to have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like if I don't want to sleep with someone after the first date, then there's no physical chemistry. Just me?

I agree wth you. It certainly doesn't mean I would sleep with them that soon, but if I don't even feel attracted enough to consider it, I'd know things weren't going anywhere.