A perfectly nice date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s man here. I have found that if they are not ready for sex by the fourth date, they never will be. I won't waste my time on a woman past date #4 if she isn't up for sex unless she is truly extraordinary.

This is totally flawed reasoning. I've slept with 11 men and never by the fourth date - except for one guy where I waited several weeks, I waited for two to four months with all of them. And yes I have a high drive. I just don't sleep with men until and unless we are in a monogamous relationship and I know them well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1st date, tenth date...you never know. I was an incredible prude and a virgin until I was in my early 20's. After being with a few guys I became friends with a guy for about two years and then I just decided he was special and I slept with him on our first date..I asked him out...and I never looked back. You never know and you have to rely on your instinct and be comfortable with your decision. We can all be wrong, but when you are right it's great. But trust your instinct, not someone else's.

But you were friends first for two years! That's totally different

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single after 20 years with 2 elem kids. I'm 46. Last night I went out with a perfectly nice man. I had a nice time. The conversation was good and we laughed. At the conclusion of the date, he walked me to my car and hugged me goodbye. This was date 2, the first was coffee last week.

Where do I go from here? DCUM says "date and have fun". DCUM also says "don't waste a guys time". I'm not ready to sleep with him. I can't even answer if I would be willing to sleep with him. I'd like to go out with him again because I had a nice evening. I'm more than happy to pay my own way. How can a person decide after a few hours that they want to date someone or that they're ready to sleep with someone?

He knows to take it slower and it’s not college. Don’t worry and continue to be positive!

[Anonymous]

If woman's not interested in pursuing after date #1, she'll know. Most guys get the message as well when there's no date #2. Going beyond date #2 means it's serious. There should be no "I am not sure yet" at this point. If a woman is unsure, she would have stopped talking after date #1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like if I don't want to sleep with someone after the first date, then there's no physical chemistry. Just me?

+1

I might not actually do it but I know within minutes of meeting someone if I want to or not.

And no, personality (or money) doesn’t compensate and suddenly make a fat, balding, homely man attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s man here. I have found that if they are not ready for sex by the fourth date, they never will be. I won't waste my time on a woman past date #4 if she isn't up for sex unless she is truly extraordinary.

This is totally flawed reasoning. I've slept with 11 men and never by the fourth date - except for one guy where I waited several weeks, I waited for two to four months with all of them. And yes I have a high drive. I just don't sleep with men until and unless we are in a monogamous relationship and I know them well.

It's not flawed. He is getting what he wants and you are getting what you want. You just want different things.

[Anonymous]

late 40's here. I think if we haven't at least kissed good night by the 3rd date its not a good sign... and I'd assume I'm in the "friendzone" with little chance of anything more serious... I'd be fine with someone who wants/needs several dates before having sex though. If after say 7-8 dates things haven't progressed I'd probably ask you straight up whether you see things going short term and go from there. I don't expect EVERY divorced mother to be pent up sexually and eager to jump into bed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like if I don't want to sleep with someone after the first date, then there's no physical chemistry. Just me?

The first date for me is all about deciding I like him enough to go on a second date. Part of that is certainly chemistry but I'm not thinking that I have to feel I want to sleep with him. I like to use my brain as my primary organ at this point. I'm pretty sure that three dates has been my minimum since I've been out of college and I can't recall going past four.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:late 40's here. I think if we haven't at least kissed good night by the 3rd date its not a good sign... and I'd assume I'm in the "friendzone" with little chance of anything more serious... I'd be fine with someone who wants/needs several dates before having sex though. If after say 7-8 dates things haven't progressed I'd probably ask you straight up whether you see things going short term and go from there. I don't expect EVERY divorced mother to be pent up sexually and eager to jump into bed

Good response! Are you single

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like if I don't want to sleep with someone after the first date, then there's no physical chemistry. Just me?

+1

I might not actually do it but I know within minutes of meeting someone if I want to or not.

And no, personality (or money) doesn’t compensate and suddenly make a fat, balding, homely man attractive.

Of course personality isn't going to make an ogre into an Adonis, but let's face it, most men fall somewhere along this spectrum, and kindness, intelligence, and a sense of humor (or conversely arrogance, stupidity, and humorlessness) can tip the scales pretty heavily in one direction or another. And you won't know this about someone unless you spend a bit of time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s man here. I have found that if they are not ready for sex by the fourth date, they never will be. I won't waste my time on a woman past date #4 if she isn't up for sex unless she is truly extraordinary.

Silly. It took me 4 month to have sex with my husband and I was far from a virgin. In fact he was the only guy that I ever decided to wait with because I wanted something real. Glad he wasted his time on me since we have been together for 15 years now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s man here. I have found that if they are not ready for sex by the fourth date, they never will be. I won't waste my time on a woman past date #4 if she isn't up for sex unless she is truly extraordinary.

Silly. It took me 4 month to have sex with my husband and I was far from a virgin. In fact he was the only guy that I ever decided to wait with because I wanted something real. Glad he wasted his time on me since we have been together for 15 years now

Thank you for validating that women put out faster for guys they DON'T care about, versus potential Mr Right.
Sticking with the 3 date rule sounds like a winning strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s man here. I have found that if they are not ready for sex by the fourth date, they never will be. I won't waste my time on a woman past date #4 if she isn't up for sex unless she is truly extraordinary.

Silly. It took me 4 month to have sex with my husband and I was far from a virgin. In fact he was the only guy that I ever decided to wait with because I wanted something real. Glad he wasted his time on me since we have been together for 15 years now

Thank you for validating that women put out faster for guys they DON'T care about, versus potential Mr Right.
Sticking with the 3 date rule sounds like a winning strategy.

Well, I am not sure why my actions result in validating anything for all women. For me I was used to having sex easily whenever with random people. When I met someone I cared about I figured I acted different because it felt different. I don't think there is any right answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s man here. I have found that if they are not ready for sex by the fourth date, they never will be. I won't waste my time on a woman past date #4 if she isn't up for sex unless she is truly extraordinary.

Silly. It took me 4 month to have sex with my husband and I was far from a virgin. In fact he was the only guy that I ever decided to wait with because I wanted something real. Glad he wasted his time on me since we have been together for 15 years now

Thank you for validating that women put out faster for guys they DON'T care about, versus potential Mr Right.
Sticking with the 3 date rule sounds like a winning strategy.

Well, I am not sure why my actions result in validating anything for all women. For me I was used to having sex easily whenever with random people. When I met someone I cared about I figured I acted different because it felt different. I don't think there is any right answer.

You’re doing your small part to validate the notion that it doesn’t make sense for a guy to take a woman seriously, because she’ll have sex with him more readily otherwise. Demand sex up front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s man here. I have found that if they are not ready for sex by the fourth date, they never will be. I won't waste my time on a woman past date #4 if she isn't up for sex unless she is truly extraordinary.

This is totally flawed reasoning. I've slept with 11 men and never by the fourth date - except for one guy where I waited several weeks, I waited for two to four months with all of them. And yes I have a high drive. I just don't sleep with men until and unless we are in a monogamous relationship and I know them well.

It's not flawed. He is getting what he wants and you are getting what you want. You just want different things.

He is saying that if a woman hasn't slept with him by the fourth date she never will. I'm saying I have slept with eleven men - and did not sleep with any of them by the fourth date.