Can I not invite my ILs?

[Anonymous]

My DD has a big event after chool coming up next week, and I really don’t want to have to invite my ILs. My DH will be out of town for work, I have a tumultuous relationship with my ILs, and I just don’t want to have to deal with them. My mom may come with me to the event, but my dad has an important doctor appointment he can’t miss. My MIL is mostly fine but my FIL is horrible and doesn’t like my parents, or really anyone for that matter. And to make matters worse, DD has baseball practice I will be rushing her to immediately following this event; there will be no time to chit chat afterwards. DH hasn’t yet mentioned this to his parents. I know my DD will wonder where her grandparents are if I don’t invite them, and inevitably will ask them where they were. Is here a way I can get out of inviting them without hurting my husband? He knows they are hard to be around but feels obligated.

[Anonymous]

Are you an adult? Do you seriously need input from anonymous internet posters for this?

[Anonymous]

What's the event?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the event?

A play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the event?

A play.

I'd invite them. It's not about your relationship with the ILs, it about your daughter's relationship with them. Time is finite.

[Anonymous]

Invite them. Jesus. Some day you're going to be someone's MIL and grandmother - won't you want them to include you in these special events even if they don't agree with you on everythng?

[Anonymous]

I'd invite them and just let them know that DD has practice right after and won't be able to stay and visit. Then sit with friends but save them some seats a few down from you.

Minimal interaction for you. Happiness for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite them. Jesus. Some day you're going to be someone's MIL and grandmother - won't you want them to include you in these special events even if they don't agree with you on everythng?

Well, when I am a MIL, knowing what I know now, I plan to be accommodating and pleasant with my DD’s son and their family. I won’t treat her husband like crap, treat his family rudely, and then wonder why I’m excluded. Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the event?

A play.

I'd invite them. It's not about your relationship with the ILs, it about your daughter's relationship with them. Time is finite.

I'd invite them too - you're not supposed to talk during plays. Just sit and watch, and then focus on your daughter afterwards. It's not like this is a soccer match where it would be awkward to say "I prefer to focus on the game and not talk," since when watching a game it's expected you'll make small talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite them. Jesus. Some day you're going to be someone's MIL and grandmother - won't you want them to include you in these special events even if they don't agree with you on everythng?

Well, when I am a MIL, knowing what I know now, I plan to be accommodating and pleasant with my DD’s son and their family. I won’t treat her husband like crap, treat his family rudely, and then wonder why I’m excluded. Just a thought.

Right, then they'll complain that you're too agreeable or that they want more space or more babysitting or less space - I don't know. What I do know is that based on reading this board there's a very low probability that as a MIL your child & his/her spouse are going to be happy with you/me/anyone all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a big event after chool coming up next week, and I really don’t want to have to invite my ILs. My DH will be out of town for work, I have a tumultuous relationship with my ILs, and I just don’t want to have to deal with them. My mom may come with me to the event, but my dad has an important doctor appointment he can’t miss. My MIL is mostly fine but my FIL is horrible and doesn’t like my parents, or really anyone for that matter. And to make matters worse, DD has baseball practice I will be rushing her to immediately following this event; there will be no time to chit chat afterwards. DH hasn’t yet mentioned this to his parents. I know my DD will wonder where her grandparents are if I don’t invite them, and inevitably will ask them where they were. Is here a way I can get out of inviting them without hurting my husband? He knows they are hard to be around but feels obligated.

Why is this bad? This seems perfect to me - you don't like your ILs, and yet you can keep the peace and keep your husband happy by inviting them to an event where you aren't obligated to talk to them, and you can't stick around and talk afterwards. Win win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a big event after chool coming up next week, and I really don’t want to have to invite my ILs. My DH will be out of town for work, I have a tumultuous relationship with my ILs, and I just don’t want to have to deal with them. My mom may come with me to the event, but my dad has an important doctor appointment he can’t miss. My MIL is mostly fine but my FIL is horrible and doesn’t like my parents, or really anyone for that matter. And to make matters worse, DD has baseball practice I will be rushing her to immediately following this event; there will be no time to chit chat afterwards. DH hasn’t yet mentioned this to his parents. I know my DD will wonder where her grandparents are if I don’t invite them, and inevitably will ask them where they were. Is here a way I can get out of inviting them without hurting my husband? He knows they are hard to be around but feels obligated.

Why is this bad? This seems perfect to me - you don't like your ILs, and yet you can keep the peace and keep your husband happy by inviting them to an event where you aren't obligated to talk to them, and you can't stick around and talk afterwards. Win win.

Because my FIL will complain that they drove all that way to watch a 30 minute play and I just abandoned them afterwards.

[Anonymous]

This is great, an event where you can get brownie points by inviting them, there is no need to actually engage much, and you have to scoot off immediately for your DD. Perfect!

if they are local you should invite them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a big event after chool coming up next week, and I really don’t want to have to invite my ILs. My DH will be out of town for work, I have a tumultuous relationship with my ILs, and I just don’t want to have to deal with them. My mom may come with me to the event, but my dad has an important doctor appointment he can’t miss. My MIL is mostly fine but my FIL is horrible and doesn’t like my parents, or really anyone for that matter. And to make matters worse, DD has baseball practice I will be rushing her to immediately following this event; there will be no time to chit chat afterwards. DH hasn’t yet mentioned this to his parents. I know my DD will wonder where her grandparents are if I don’t invite them, and inevitably will ask them where they were. Is here a way I can get out of inviting them without hurting my husband? He knows they are hard to be around but feels obligated.

Why is this bad? This seems perfect to me - you don't like your ILs, and yet you can keep the peace and keep your husband happy by inviting them to an event where you aren't obligated to talk to them, and you can't stick around and talk afterwards. Win win.

Because my FIL will complain that they drove all that way to watch a 30 minute play and I just abandoned them afterwards.

But you won't have to listen to the complaints so who cares? Invite them and let them know that you will have to leave quickly in advance so it isn't a surprise. Your DD wants them there enough that she will ask where they were. This has nothing to do with your DH it has to do with your DD. She wants them there. Invite them and use your excuse to not have to talk to them.

[Anonymous]

Just let them know ahead of time that your DD has to leave immediately for practice and won't be able to stay and chat. Then if they decide to come, he can't complain because he knew what to expect and came anyway.