Can I not invite my ILs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite them. Jesus. Some day you're going to be someone's MIL and grandmother - won't you want them to include you in these special events even if they don't agree with you on everythng?

*1 I’m sure op blames them for the ‘tumultuous relationship’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a big event after chool coming up next week, and I really don’t want to have to invite my ILs. My DH will be out of town for work, I have a tumultuous relationship with my ILs, and I just don’t want to have to deal with them. My mom may come with me to the event, but my dad has an important doctor appointment he can’t miss. My MIL is mostly fine but my FIL is horrible and doesn’t like my parents, or really anyone for that matter. And to make matters worse, DD has baseball practice I will be rushing her to immediately following this event; there will be no time to chit chat afterwards. DH hasn’t yet mentioned this to his parents. I know my DD will wonder where her grandparents are if I don’t invite them, and inevitably will ask them where they were. Is here a way I can get out of inviting them without hurting my husband? He knows they are hard to be around but feels obligated.

Why is this bad? This seems perfect to me - you don't like your ILs, and yet you can keep the peace and keep your husband happy by inviting them to an event where you aren't obligated to talk to them, and you can't stick around and talk afterwards. Win win.

Because my FIL will complain that they drove all that way to watch a 30 minute play and I just abandoned them afterwards.

So make it clear that you can't stick around. Look, you obviously have no intention of inviting them, but you should. If the fact that your husband will be hurt if you don't, and your daughter will want them there don't move you (!!), from a practical standpoint this is a relatively easy interaction, and you should save your powder for times when you can avoid a much more difficult get-together.

[Anonymous]

I know what the right thing to do is, but that doesn’t mean I want to do it, especially considering how hectic the day will be, my husband won’t be there to help or run interference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a big event after chool coming up next week, and I really don’t want to have to invite my ILs. My DH will be out of town for work, I have a tumultuous relationship with my ILs, and I just don’t want to have to deal with them. My mom may come with me to the event, but my dad has an important doctor appointment he can’t miss. My MIL is mostly fine but my FIL is horrible and doesn’t like my parents, or really anyone for that matter. And to make matters worse, DD has baseball practice I will be rushing her to immediately following this event; there will be no time to chit chat afterwards. DH hasn’t yet mentioned this to his parents. I know my DD will wonder where her grandparents are if I don’t invite them, and inevitably will ask them where they were. Is here a way I can get out of inviting them without hurting my husband? He knows they are hard to be around but feels obligated.

Why is this bad? This seems perfect to me - you don't like your ILs, and yet you can keep the peace and keep your husband happy by inviting them to an event where you aren't obligated to talk to them, and you can't stick around and talk afterwards. Win win.

Because my FIL will complain that they drove all that way to watch a 30 minute play and I just abandoned them afterwards.

Tell them when you invite them that you can't stick around. They can choose whether or not to come base on that. He may still complain, but it was their choice.

[Anonymous]

If you decide to not invite them, don't invite your mother either.

[Anonymous]

How much interference do you even have to run? You can't talk during a play anyway, and you'll tell them in advance that you have to run immediately afterwards to make sports practice. This is almost a no-brainer to me--the ill-will you'll create is not worth the cost to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know what the right thing to do is, but that doesn’t mean I want to do it, especially considering how hectic the day will be, my husband won’t be there to help or run interference.

Yeah well I didn't want to go to work today. I didn't write a diary entry about it. Your daughter wants her grandparents at her play, this isn't about you get over yourself.

-not a MIL, in fact, a DIL

[Anonymous]

Clearly these people dont have your ILs. Dont invite them, and dont worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a big event after chool coming up next week, and I really don’t want to have to invite my ILs. My DH will be out of town for work, I have a tumultuous relationship with my ILs, and I just don’t want to have to deal with them. My mom may come with me to the event, but my dad has an important doctor appointment he can’t miss. My MIL is mostly fine but my FIL is horrible and doesn’t like my parents, or really anyone for that matter. And to make matters worse, DD has baseball practice I will be rushing her to immediately following this event; there will be no time to chit chat afterwards. DH hasn’t yet mentioned this to his parents. I know my DD will wonder where her grandparents are if I don’t invite them, and inevitably will ask them where they were. Is here a way I can get out of inviting them without hurting my husband? He knows they are hard to be around but feels obligated.

Why is this bad? This seems perfect to me - you don't like your ILs, and yet you can keep the peace and keep your husband happy by inviting them to an event where you aren't obligated to talk to them, and you can't stick around and talk afterwards. Win win.

Because my FIL will complain that they drove all that way to watch a 30 minute play and I just abandoned them afterwards.

This is his issue. Extend the invitation, and BE CLEAR that you have to get her to baseball practice so you guys can't go to dinner or ice cream or whatever. They can accept or refuse based on having all of the information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a big event after chool coming up next week, and I really don’t want to have to invite my ILs. My DH will be out of town for work, I have a tumultuous relationship with my ILs, and I just don’t want to have to deal with them. My mom may come with me to the event, but my dad has an important doctor appointment he can’t miss. My MIL is mostly fine but my FIL is horrible and doesn’t like my parents, or really anyone for that matter. And to make matters worse, DD has baseball practice I will be rushing her to immediately following this event; there will be no time to chit chat afterwards. DH hasn’t yet mentioned this to his parents. I know my DD will wonder where her grandparents are if I don’t invite them, and inevitably will ask them where they were. Is here a way I can get out of inviting them without hurting my husband? He knows they are hard to be around but feels obligated.

Why is this bad? This seems perfect to me - you don't like your ILs, and yet you can keep the peace and keep your husband happy by inviting them to an event where you aren't obligated to talk to them, and you can't stick around and talk afterwards. Win win.

Because my FIL will complain that they drove all that way to watch a 30 minute play and I just abandoned them afterwards.

This is his issue. Extend the invitation, and BE CLEAR that you have to get her to baseball practice so you guys can't go to dinner or ice cream or whatever. They can accept or refuse based on having all of the information.

This.

And if you don't have time for chit chat or ice cream with them, you don't have time for those things with your own mother. It sucks to be the second place grandparents.

~not a MIL or a grandmother yet, but I see what happens

[Anonymous]

if They have email I would forward an email about the play to them, or just your MIL if you communicate with her more and just say something like:

Hi,

I just want to let you know that Annie will be in this play on the 12th if you are interested. We’ll have to leave immediately after for a soccer game but I just want you to be aware. The address and time is below. No pressure either way.

Thanks,

Susan

[Anonymous]

Hi MIL/FIL,

I just wanted to let you know that Annie will be in a play after school next week. It starts at 3pm and should be over around 4pm. Annie has soccer practice at 4:15, so we'll be rushing out after the play is over and she won't have time for much chit chat after the show. Also Joe is out of town so he won't be attending. I know she'd love to have you there, but I do understand if the trek isn't worth it to not have some hang out time. If you can't come perhaps Joe can arrange some time to hang out when he's back in time.

Ta,
DIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a big event after chool coming up next week, and I really don’t want to have to invite my ILs. My DH will be out of town for work, I have a tumultuous relationship with my ILs, and I just don’t want to have to deal with them. My mom may come with me to the event, but my dad has an important doctor appointment he can’t miss. My MIL is mostly fine but my FIL is horrible and doesn’t like my parents, or really anyone for that matter. And to make matters worse, DD has baseball practice I will be rushing her to immediately following this event; there will be no time to chit chat afterwards. DH hasn’t yet mentioned this to his parents. I know my DD will wonder where her grandparents are if I don’t invite them, and inevitably will ask them where they were. Is here a way I can get out of inviting them without hurting my husband? He knows they are hard to be around but feels obligated.

Why is this bad? This seems perfect to me - you don't like your ILs, and yet you can keep the peace and keep your husband happy by inviting them to an event where you aren't obligated to talk to them, and you can't stick around and talk afterwards. Win win.

Because my FIL will complain that they drove all that way to watch a 30 minute play and I just abandoned them afterwards.

This is his issue. Extend the invitation, and BE CLEAR that you have to get her to baseball practice so you guys can't go to dinner or ice cream or whatever. They can accept or refuse based on having all of the information.

This.

And if you don't have time for chit chat or ice cream with them, you don't have time for those things with your own mother. It sucks to be the second place grandparents.

~not a MIL or a grandmother yet, but I see what happens

The people who say things like "second place grandparents" are the ones who will FOR SURE be the 2nd place grandparents. You know who wins it all in the grandparent game? The ones who genuinely love their grandkids, don't keep score, and embrace any chance they do get to be with the little rug rats.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand your premise that there is a social obligation to invite them in the first place.

Don't invite them. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a big event after chool coming up next week, and I really don’t want to have to invite my ILs. My DH will be out of town for work, I have a tumultuous relationship with my ILs, and I just don’t want to have to deal with them. My mom may come with me to the event, but my dad has an important doctor appointment he can’t miss. My MIL is mostly fine but my FIL is horrible and doesn’t like my parents, or really anyone for that matter. And to make matters worse, DD has baseball practice I will be rushing her to immediately following this event; there will be no time to chit chat afterwards. DH hasn’t yet mentioned this to his parents. I know my DD will wonder where her grandparents are if I don’t invite them, and inevitably will ask them where they were. Is here a way I can get out of inviting them without hurting my husband? He knows they are hard to be around but feels obligated.

Why is this bad? This seems perfect to me - you don't like your ILs, and yet you can keep the peace and keep your husband happy by inviting them to an event where you aren't obligated to talk to them, and you can't stick around and talk afterwards. Win win.

Because my FIL will complain that they drove all that way to watch a 30 minute play and I just abandoned them afterwards.

This is his issue. Extend the invitation, and BE CLEAR that you have to get her to baseball practice so you guys can't go to dinner or ice cream or whatever. They can accept or refuse based on having all of the information.

This.

And if you don't have time for chit chat or ice cream with them, you don't have time for those things with your own mother. It sucks to be the second place grandparents.

~not a MIL or a grandmother yet, but I see what happens

The people who say things like "second place grandparents" are the ones who will FOR SURE be the 2nd place grandparents. You know who wins it all in the grandparent game? The ones who genuinely love their grandkids, don't keep score, and embrace any chance they do get to be with the little rug rats.

Yep. Treat your DILs well and you won’t have this issue. Think of how you’d want to be treated, then try a little harder.