ADHD second grader being bullied, but I know she is part of the problem

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old DD told me this evening that she doesn't want to go to school tomorrow, because all the other girls tell secrets about her, stop talking when she comes near, and exclude her from lunch/recess. She said its every girl in her class, and she is devastated, begging me to stay home. Now I know that she is contributing to this situation--she can be quite nasty herself, stemming from the ADHD impulse control issues, and we're working on that. But the fact she is being excluded by all the girls really breaks my heart. She even said that one girl laughs at her, and says she is mean because her parents are divorced. Ouch, poor girl is still trying to cope with the divorce last year, and this awful classmate really knows how to kick her when she is down. Should I let DD stay home from school, to give her a break tomorrow? I've already sent a note to her teacher explaining the situation and asking for some type of intervention. What else should I, or can I do? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Let the teacher know about the bullying. Don't let her stay home b/c it won't accomplish anything.

Try a social skills group and medication. Good luck b/c mean girls are just the worse.

[Anonymous]

We'll it sounds like your own DD has kicked some kids when they are down so good lesson - what comes around goes around

And your DD is likely exaggerating when she says "all the girls" she means her friend group that she was recently mean towards.

[Anonymous]

I find this is a really tough age for girls. They start to separate into friend groups and it is hard for many girls but especially those who don’t pick up on subtle social cues. I think you should reach out to the school counselor as well as the teacher, look into a social skills class (maybe Alvord Baker?) and also try to figure out who in the class might be a better fit for her personality. All kids, but especially those with poor social skills, are naturally attracted to the most socially confident kids. Those are the hardest groups to break into. Figure out who might be more in tune with her. Also consider signing her up to for some after shclll activities where she might meet girls with whom she has common interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this is a really tough age for girls. They start to separate into friend groups and it is hard for many girls but especially those who don’t pick up on subtle social cues. I think you should reach out to the school counselor as well as the teacher, look into a social skills class (maybe Alvord Baker?) and also try to figure out who in the class might be a better fit for her personality. All kids, but especially those with poor social skills, are naturally attracted to the most socially confident kids. Those are the hardest groups to break into. Figure out who might be more in tune with her. Also consider signing her up to for some after shclll activities where she might meet girls with whom she has common interests.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 8 year old DD told me this evening that she doesn't want to go to school tomorrow, because all the other girls tell secrets about her, stop talking when she comes near, and exclude her from lunch/recess. She said its every girl in her class, and she is devastated, begging me to stay home. Now I know that she is contributing to this situation--she can be quite nasty herself, stemming from the ADHD impulse control issues, and we're working on that. But the fact she is being excluded by all the girls really breaks my heart. She even said that one girl laughs at her, and says she is mean because her parents are divorced. Ouch, poor girl is still trying to cope with the divorce last year, and this awful classmate really knows how to kick her when she is down. Should I let DD stay home from school, to give her a break tomorrow? I've already sent a note to her teacher explaining the situation and asking for some type of intervention. What else should I, or can I do? Thanks.

This is happening with my 8 year old DS as well. I think it might be part of the age group. They start self segregating and can be really nasty to one another. It seems to be less extreme with boys since my son still seems to have friends, but I definitely notice a shift. Hugs to you. I would speak with the teacher and counselor about this bullying behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I have her on a daily dose of concerta, she takes social skills classes once a week at school, and she does weekly art therapy. I thought things were going well until she made this announcement tonight. I don't think she was exaggerating--she was visibly shaking, crying and ashamed to tell me about what was happening.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. No advice, but I just want to send you a hug. I know how much it hurts when your child is hurting.

[Anonymous]

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can’t say that your daughter is “quite nasty” but a “poor girl” yet the other girl in class is “awful” for simply giving your child a dose of her own medicine.

You need to take a good long look in the mirror and start by acknowledging the part that *you* are playing here before you can do anything to help your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We'll it sounds like your own DD has kicked some kids when they are down so good lesson - what comes around goes around

And your DD is likely exaggerating when she says "all the girls" she means her friend group that she was recently mean towards.

This unhelpful comment cannot be from a SN parent.

[Anonymous]

Please expand on OPs role in this? She acknowledged her DD has impulse control issues, and is not an angel. What would you have her do, according to your logic? Tell her she deserves public shunning until she gets the ADHD stuff under control? Yeah, that would teach her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can’t say that your daughter is “quite nasty” but a “poor girl” yet the other girl in class is “awful” for simply giving your child a dose of her own medicine.

You need to take a good long look in the mirror and start by acknowledging the part that *you* are playing here before you can do anything to help your child.

You are an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We'll it sounds like your own DD has kicked some kids when they are down so good lesson - what comes around goes around

And your DD is likely exaggerating when she says "all the girls" she means her friend group that she was recently mean towards.

This unhelpful comment cannot be from a SN parent.

Seriously, that is crazy. It gives you a good picture what kids who have problems with social skills are up against when adults behave like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We'll it sounds like your own DD has kicked some kids when they are down so good lesson - what comes around goes around

And your DD is likely exaggerating when she says "all the girls" she means her friend group that she was recently mean towards.

This unhelpful comment cannot be from a SN parent.

Even ADHD kids can learn from their behavior.