S/O Are women threatened by other women who are sexually aggressive?

[Anonymous]

I know - the answer to most questions about "are women x?" is "some are and some are not." But, generally speaking, do women view other women negatively if they are sexually aggressive and, if so, why? This thought was prompted by another thread where someone observed that the main appeal of most porn scenarios was that the woman was enthusiastic about sex. And, sure, like any fantasy, porn isn't very realistic. But, you also see women slut shaming other women.

So, if it's common for women to negatively judge other women for enthusiastically seeking out sex or flaunting their sexuality, what's the primary motivation? Don't like the competition for men? Think it raises the bar so your man will be unsatisfied with you? Wish you could be that confident? General moral concerns? Other?

[Anonymous]

I think there is actually an anthropological basis for it. Basically, a slutty woman cheapens a very important currency that women have historically been in control of.

[Anonymous]

I disagree. Men will always want sex from certain women. Sex workers and promiscuous women will never fill the demand.

[Anonymous]

I'm what most people would consider sexually aggressive. Reasons women have not liked me

1. They think I'm after their guy. I've never cheated or been the other woman (this was more in college though)
2. They think I'm faking it. Nope, I really enjoy sex.
3. They think I was either sexually traumatized or have low self steem and seek out male approval. Neither are true.
4. This likely doesn't have to do with my sexual aggression, but I tend to get along with men better than women.
5. My favorite and one that I've only seen once or twice...that I'm cheapening the feminism movement/I'm an embarrassment to feminists. Never understood that argument

It used to bother me when I was younger. But then I realized the beauty of being in charge of your sexuality. And DH certainly doesn't complain haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm what most people would consider sexually aggressive. Reasons women have not liked me

1. They think I'm after their guy. I've never cheated or been the other woman (this was more in college though)
2. They think I'm faking it. Nope, I really enjoy sex.
3. They think I was either sexually traumatized or have low self steem and seek out male approval. Neither are true.
4. This likely doesn't have to do with my sexual aggression, but I tend to get along with men better than women.
5. My favorite and one that I've only seen once or twice...that I'm cheapening the feminism movement/I'm an embarrassment to feminists. Never understood that argument

It used to bother me when I was younger. But then I realized the beauty of being in charge of your sexuality. And DH certainly doesn't complain haha.

+1000. This is me to a T.

[Anonymous]

My best friend is a sexually aggressive chick and I love it socially.

OTOH, at work I hate sexually aggressive women. I am responsible for about 100 contract staff that provide computer support and the sexually aggressive women cause me a ton of problems as s manager.

Certain customers request their assistant be present when these women fix their computer. I have to move certain employees around or fire them due to the disruption they cause at work.

I'm not talking about dress, I mean women who push themselves onto men.

[Anonymous]

How do you know if a woman is sexually aggressive?

I'm sexually aggressive when I want to be, and love sex, but no one outside of close girlfriends or lovers would know this.

[Anonymous]

Well...there is a difference between being: A) sex positive / confidently in charge of your own sexuality, vocal and expressive in interactions with your sexual partner(s), and maybe even unabashedly candid about your experiences when exchanging stories with a group of close friends; and
B) a loud, trashy, oversharer who is clearly making 'shocking' (but substance-less) comments for attention's sake. There's a pretty big difference.

You're a friend and you tell me about how you and your husband(or partner! Whatever) have recently been trying out anal toys and you're a fiend for it? I'm interested and feel zero judgment (only intrigue!). You're drunk at a bar, in mixed company (mixed meaning you don't know/aren't close with everyone who can hear you) yelling about how you just loooooove giving head? You're clearly trying to get attention, and it's gross and sad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm what most people would consider sexually aggressive. Reasons women have not liked me

1. They think I'm after their guy. I've never cheated or been the other woman (this was more in college though)
2. They think I'm faking it. Nope, I really enjoy sex.
3. They think I was either sexually traumatized or have low self steem and seek out male approval. Neither are true.
4. This likely doesn't have to do with my sexual aggression, but I tend to get along with men better than women.
5. My favorite and one that I've only seen once or twice...that I'm cheapening the feminism movement/I'm an embarrassment to feminists. Never understood that argument

It used to bother me when I was younger. But then I realized the beauty of being in charge of your sexuality. And DH certainly doesn't complain haha.

In what kind of context do you hear about all of this? I'm not sure how I'd ever learn a woman was "sexually aggressive." It's not like I go into their bedrooms.

In terms of media and popular culture, sometimes women depicting themselves as "sexually aggressive" seem to be doing it as a way to seek male approval. "See, I am a high drive woman! My sexuality is good; yours is bad."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm what most people would consider sexually aggressive. Reasons women have not liked me

1. They think I'm after their guy. I've never cheated or been the other woman (this was more in college though)
2. They think I'm faking it. Nope, I really enjoy sex.
3. They think I was either sexually traumatized or have low self steem and seek out male approval. Neither are true.
4. This likely doesn't have to do with my sexual aggression, but I tend to get along with men better than women.
5. My favorite and one that I've only seen once or twice...that I'm cheapening the feminism movement/I'm an embarrassment to feminists. Never understood that argument

It used to bother me when I was younger. But then I realized the beauty of being in charge of your sexuality. And DH certainly doesn't complain haha.

This says much, MUCH more about you than it does about anyone else. If that's the attitude you approach life with, of course you're going to encounter friction. What an incredibly weird thing to say

[Anonymous]

I think women are threatened by other women, period, full stop.

A lot of it is about power, and I'm sure there are all kinds of complexities, historical reasons, why women are so cutthroat, a lot having to do with historically not having many avenues to the kind of institutional power men have had.

Women feel most comfortable with other women who conform to some sort of group dynamic. Any woman who does not do that gets ostracized by other women. That's why women are so threatened by women who don't buy into the mommy martyrdom or don't conform to the "women just don't like sex as much" mantra or the "women look butch if they have muscles" BS. Any woman who in some way doesn't buy into the paradigm that other groups of women have set is a target of their scorn. What that paradigm is may shift over time, but the reality is that women in general don't like other women who in some way step outside of the convention the larger group of women buys into.

In many ways, this is why women are the biggest obstacle to other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm what most people would consider sexually aggressive. Reasons women have not liked me

1. They think I'm after their guy. I've never cheated or been the other woman (this was more in college though)
2. They think I'm faking it. Nope, I really enjoy sex.
3. They think I was either sexually traumatized or have low self steem and seek out male approval. Neither are true.
4. This likely doesn't have to do with my sexual aggression, but I tend to get along with men better than women.
5. My favorite and one that I've only seen once or twice...that I'm cheapening the feminism movement/I'm an embarrassment to feminists. Never understood that argument

It used to bother me when I was younger. But then I realized the beauty of being in charge of your sexuality. And DH certainly doesn't complain haha.

I don’t like you because you’re trying way too hard.

[Anonymous]

Threatened? No. Why would I feel threatened by that?

If you've decided to make your entire shtick, "I'm a happy shameless proud slut and that makes me special and unique!", I'm probably just kind of bored / annoyed by you and won't choose to spend much time around you. Exact same for a guy who is just constantly trying to convince everyone how great his sex life is...meh. Not someone I'm dying to hang out with.

I guess I'm not really understanding the prompt here. I love sex and I think my husband would probably describe me as sexually aggressive within our marriage - we have a lot of sex and I enjoy the hell out of it. But that's not really something the average person who meets me would know, or need to know...and if I was somehow basing my identity on that or feeling the need to make sure everyone else knew it, it would be really weird.

What exactly is it that you self-proclaimed sexually aggressive women are doing that you think this question is applicable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm what most people would consider sexually aggressive. Reasons women have not liked me

1. They think I'm after their guy. I've never cheated or been the other woman (this was more in college though)
2. They think I'm faking it. Nope, I really enjoy sex.
3. They think I was either sexually traumatized or have low self steem and seek out male approval. Neither are true.
4. This likely doesn't have to do with my sexual aggression, but I tend to get along with men better than women.
5. My favorite and one that I've only seen once or twice...that I'm cheapening the feminism movement/I'm an embarrassment to feminists. Never understood that argument

It used to bother me when I was younger. But then I realized the beauty of being in charge of your sexuality. And DH certainly doesn't complain haha.

I don’t like you because you’re trying way too hard.

Majorly. +1 million

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm what most people would consider sexually aggressive. Reasons women have not liked me

1. They think I'm after their guy. I've never cheated or been the other woman (this was more in college though)
2. They think I'm faking it. Nope, I really enjoy sex.
3. They think I was either sexually traumatized or have low self steem and seek out male approval. Neither are true.
4. This likely doesn't have to do with my sexual aggression, but I tend to get along with men better than women.
5. My favorite and one that I've only seen once or twice...that I'm cheapening the feminism movement/I'm an embarrassment to feminists. Never understood that argument

It used to bother me when I was younger. But then I realized the beauty of being in charge of your sexuality. And DH certainly doesn't complain haha.

This says much, MUCH more about you than it does about anyone else. If that's the attitude you approach life with, of course you're going to encounter friction. What an incredibly weird thing to say

It's not a weird thing to say at all. A lot has to do with social constructs, but on the whole, men tend to be more direct, and women tend to be more passive-aggressive. For some women, it's far easier to deal with men, even men at their worst, because at least they know where they stand. It's far trickier navigating the social dynamics of a group of women than it is navigating the social dynamics of a group of men. I don't think it's biological. I think it's how boys and girls are socialized. And for some women, it's just far easier to deal with men, even very aggressive men, than it is to deal with the subtle aggression you find in groups of women. There's a reason the term "mean girls" exist.

And I'm not PP. I wouldn't say I get along with one sex better than the other, but I think it's definitely more straightforward dealing with men than it is with women. I've also never seen quite the manipulation and group shunning of a woman from a group of men the way I've seen it from a group of women.