How to say "no" to other moms
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Anonymous
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I need some help coming up with ready-made "no" answers to favor requests from other moms. I am almost always a wimp and say "yes" to things I really don't want to do. And then kick myself afterward, thinking of all the things I could have said.
I've got a neighborhood mom with a child who goes to my child's preschool. She has asked me multiple times (probably every couple of weeks) for a ride to or from school for her child. In general I have no problem with it, but on the other hand, who wants to wrangle someone else's toddler in addition to their own (plus I have a baby). She has made half-hearted offers of reciprocation, but I am not interested in having my child ride with her (I don't entirely trust her judgment). Recently, I gave her child a ride home, and the mom was not at home to receive him. I received no phone call or warning. So I am then stuck with neighbor child, and missed an appointment I had scheduled. Mom eventually gets in touch, her salon appointment had gone long. I was furious. She was apologetic, and I was calm cool and collected but clearly not happy. Then she had the nerve to ask me a week later to give her child another ride. And I said yes! How do I put a stop to this? Just a flat out "no" with no excuse? I am over this woman, and I want to say to her that if it was an emergency (like someone's in the hospital) then call me. Otherwise, figure out your own way to transport your child to school. Thoughts? |
Anonymous
| "Sorry, no, I can't." period. PERIOD. Practice and practice. I can't believe you said yes even after that time. |
Anonymous
| Yep - just practice saying no. She clearly doesn't have any qualms about asking you for things that are inappropriate, so you are the one who will have to end this dynamic. |
Anonymous
| Just say no the next few times, you have an appointment or whatever. Hopefully she'll stop taking advantage of you. |
Anonymous
| Could you say "Last week when I couldn't get a hold of you was very upsetting. I ended up missing an important appointment that I was counting on. I'm happy to help if there is a true emergency, but I can't take Larlo to school on a regular basis anymore. |
Anonymous
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If you say the above the mom will just claim an emergency and stop giving advance notice.
No is a complete sentence, OP |
Anonymous
| "Sorry, can't." |
Anonymous
| No, but thanks for thinking of me! Byyyyyyeeeee! |
Anonymous
| OP - - if you need strength, how about this approach, this mindset (not words to speak): Do you want your children to be pushovers? I'm sure not. You want them to be able to say, "No". Even if under pressure. Start being a role model. |
Anonymous
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EXACTLY what 13:07 & 13:18 said. "No, sorry I can't." Anything added, opens the topic up for discussion...
Also, since you're new to the "no" game, walk away immediately. |
Anonymous
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"Sorry, I can't." Because I hate you/don't want to.
Never EVER give a reason. |
Anonymous
| This thread makes me so happy I don't live in the suburbs. |
Anonymous
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I'll tell you, but I don't think it's going to help you. If you didn't learn from her salon appointment fiasco that you need to JUST SAY NO, then me telling you isn't going to help you.
When you lie down and act like a doormat, guess what? People are going to walk all over you. Go on and paint WELCOME on yourself, if you really can't figure out how to smile and say, "I'm sorry, that's not going to work for me." |
Anonymous
| Can you just avoid her? Don’t answer the phone, etc? |
Anonymous
right, a city-dweller would never take advantage of another person. |