How to say "no" to other moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Sorry, I can't." Because I hate you/don't want to.

Never EVER give a reason.

+1. You don't need to give a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Sorry, I can't." Because I hate you/don't want to.

Never EVER give a reason.

+1 the key is not providing any justification UNLESS you have the balls to simply say "because I don't want to so I'm not going to" and can stick to that level of DGAF. Any other sort of justification invites negotiation.

[Anonymous]

The best is to reply "Aww, no thanks!" very cheerily as if you're declining an offer of help. Confuses them just long enough for you to RUN!

[Anonymous]

How does this work logistically? I have a preschooler and a baby and I don’t have room in my car for an extra car seat nor do I have an extra car seat sitting around.

[Anonymous]

Just say you need to go to the grocery store, pick up dry cleaning, return Library books, go to the post office, pick up a prescription, etc. Then say you can’t safely buckle and unbuckle and get 3 kids across parking lots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so happy I don't live in the suburbs.

Because...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does this work logistically? I have a preschooler and a baby and I don’t have room in my car for an extra car seat nor do I have an extra car seat sitting around.

So no one has a car bigger than yours? Many (most) people that have two cars and kids have seats for both cars.

OP - she picked you for a reason. Her hair appointment went over? So she scheduled an appointment around the time her kid got out of preschool and then didn't call or text you? She then had the nerve to ask again and you said yes! People like her can smell a doormat like you miles away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best is to reply "Aww, no thanks!" very cheerily as if you're declining an offer of help. Confuses them just long enough for you to RUN!

Be that weird if you never want to speak to the woman. Otherwise stick with “I’m sorry, but I can’t give Larlo a ride.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does this work logistically? I have a preschooler and a baby and I don’t have room in my car for an extra car seat nor do I have an extra car seat sitting around.

So no one has a car bigger than yours? Many (most) people that have two cars and kids have seats for both cars.

OP - she picked you for a reason. Her hair appointment went over? So she scheduled an appointment around the time her kid got out of preschool and then didn't call or text you? She then had the nerve to ask again and you said yes! People like her can smell a doormat like you miles away.

And that many people have room for 3 car seats? I can see owning 2 cars with seats for both -- although actually no one I know does, everyone either has 1 car or if they have 2, switch the seats out. But I don't see many cars around here with room for 3 car seats unless you're talking minivan.

[Anonymous]

If you really want to discourage this other mom from asking, it's obnoxious, but it works. Agree to pick up her child to go somewhere and let yourself be 20 minutes or so late without warning. You can bet that once you're no longer "reliable" that you won't be asked again. Not the most polite way to get someone to back off, but it does make them stop asking you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best is to reply "Aww, no thanks!" very cheerily as if you're declining an offer of help. Confuses them just long enough for you to RUN!

Be that weird if you never want to speak to the woman. Otherwise stick with “I’m sorry, but I can’t give Larlo a ride.”

This is a woman who thought nothing of leaving OP in charge of her kid with absolutely no notice and not so much as a warning text so she could get her hair done. She isn't worth keeping around.

[Anonymous]

OP, I sympathize. I also think people on DCUM are way too black and white about the doormat ("no is a complete sentence") stuff. Of course that is true, but it is really hard, especially when someone asks you something face to face to just say "no" with zero follow up. I would guess lots of people saying that on here would stutter through an explanation when taken off guard as well.

That said, I have started doing just that, awkwardness be damned, because it is true that certain people really push it once they get "yes" a few times. I have a certain mom who I have helped out a few times in a pinch, but she is now no longer working and asks me in advance to drive her son home(to their live in nanny) because she made a car appointment during school hours. It is the same situation as you, in that there is no compelling reason why I CAN'T take him, except that it isn't my responsibility to and I feel taken advantage of, since it's at least once a week. This latest time, I just said "sorry, I can't" and withstood the awkwardness that followed.

And to the PP who asked about seats, as kids get older (I have a Pre-K 5 year old) you can get a 35$ booster for an extra kid. They don't install like car seats, you just plop them on the seat. We always have one on hand so we can do playdates after school.

[Anonymous]

"That just won't work for me."

Repeat as necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does this work logistically? I have a preschooler and a baby and I don’t have room in my car for an extra car seat nor do I have an extra car seat sitting around.

So no one has a car bigger than yours? Many (most) people that have two cars and kids have seats for both cars.

OP - she picked you for a reason. Her hair appointment went over? So she scheduled an appointment around the time her kid got out of preschool and then didn't call or text you? She then had the nerve to ask again and you said yes! People like her can smell a doormat like you miles away.

And that many people have room for 3 car seats? I can see owning 2 cars with seats for both -- although actually no one I know does, everyone either has 1 car or if they have 2, switch the seats out. But I don't see many cars around here with room for 3 car seats unless you're talking minivan.

So because you don't know anyone who does it in your bubble it doesn't happen?

[Anonymous]

I had a manipulative mom friend who took advantage of me like this for play dates by making sure that all of her children were invited even though my child was the buddy of one of them.

The mom would bring them by, go home for a few hours and kick back, or go shopping. The youngest one wasn't potty trained, and was a real handful. It was a 90/10 relationship. I was the 90%.

I finally told her no, she got her nose out of joint, and that ended things when she realized I wasn't an easy mark anymore. Now she's doing the same thing to another mom. Say NO. I wish I had done it a lot sooner!