I feel like marriage is on the verge of imploding
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Anonymous
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We've been together 9 years, married for almost 6. No sex since our only child was conceived almost 4 years ago. My spouse is close with their work friends and I feel shut out. For example, they get home in the evening, sit on the couch, and text their coworkers throughout the evening, until one of us (usually me) puts our child to bed.
I know my spouse is hiding/omitting information about their coworkers from me, but they don't know I know that (accidentally saw something in a text when I glanced over, but I haven't snooped). I've asked roundabout questions and have given my spouse plenty of opportunities to divulge what they don't know I know, but they haven't said anything. We sleep in separate beds. Sometimes, my spouse locks the door. I'm pretty sure I've walked in on them masturbating. My spouse has also acted weird and embarrassed about their dirty sheets. My spouse says "I love you" regularly, but I don't feel (in my heart of hearts) that they deeply love or like me. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around my spouse and don't know how to express my serious concerns about our sexless marriage and my resentment of their closeness with their coworkers without it turning into an ugly discussion. I'm so sad because we have an amazing child and we're both children of divorce who agreed we weren't going to go through that again when we got engaged. I'm also crushed because I want another child, which seems like it's not going to or even should happen given the state of our marriage. |
Anonymous
You need to talk to your spouse about this. It might be an ugly discussion, but if you don't talk about it, it will only get worse. |
Anonymous
| You are co-parenting a child together. Accept it as that, or decide to leave. |
Anonymous
| Why are you not having sex? Have you tried initiating? |
Anonymous
| Time for a real, honest discussion about the state of the relationship and what you both want out of life. It will be unpleasant and the outcome might not be what you want, but it's time to talk about it. |
Anonymous
| Is your spouse gay? |
Anonymous
| No sex for 4 years, no communication (roundabout questions are NOT the same as having a discussion about a problem), separate bedrooms with locked doors, but you refuse to confront spouse or to snoop?! How do you expect anything to change? |
Anonymous
+1. Either have the conversation that will be difficult or continue to live this non-life cohabitating. |
Anonymous
| How anyone can live like this is beyond me. What are you getting out of it? Other than obvious financial support (which is nice). |
Anonymous
OP. I gave up on constantly initiating after multiple initiation attempts were rejected by my spouse. It really hurts and feels shameful. We had a great sex life for the first few years of our relationship. The sex started to taper off around the time my spouse began working with their current team, which has made me more suspicious with the passage of time in relation to my other concerns. I'm thin, height/weight proportionate, and believe I am attractive, for anyone who wants to go there.
I've considered it, but have no evidence of them being gay or having an affair other than them occasionally working late. |
Anonymous
OP. My spouse pays our housing expenses, but I pay for everything else and am gainfully employed. |
Anonymous
| Whyyyy are you stalking your spouse? Get a life. |
Anonymous
Seeing a text when I turned my head while bucking our kid into a car seat doesn't equal stalking. |
Anonymous
I didn't mean that you freeload. But it's always easier to have the second income. Other than that, what do you get out of this relationship? |
Anonymous
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Stop with the gender hiding. It does not help us answer the questions. BTW I'm a woman. Somtimes I hate my husband. Do you know me? No??? that's because this forum is ANONYMOUS.
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