I feel like marriage is on the verge of imploding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, at least the complaints about grammar & typos is down. I mean, please. We all know the difference between your and you're and sometimes our fingers refuse to follow our brains. Or AutoCorrect. No need to call it out.

I assure you that many people don’t and it is painful to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop with the gender hiding. It does not help us answer the questions. BTW I'm a woman. Somtimes I hate my husband. Do you know me? No??? that's because this forum is ANONYMOUS.

I’m sure my wife regularly posts here about how she hates me. I know because I saw her text it to a friend how she hated me, I can only imagine what she’s said in anonymity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How anyone can live like this is beyond me. What are you getting out of it? Other than obvious financial support (which is nice).

I knew a couple like this (divorced now). They were living completely separate lives within their house. They emailed each other while they were both in the house to communicate. Email! Internally the husband was going through all kinds of turmoil (they're both a little off) and one day he picked up and took his stuff and most of the money and left the house and blind-sided her.

Communication is important!

She was only ‘blind-sided ‘ if she was immensely stupid and gullible. If you were her friend you should have helped her have a clue.

Your friends can't know what is going on in the privacy of your home, particularly if you don't tell them. They put on a very happy facade for everyone and just seemed like the sort of couple where each spouse is kind of independent. They went through a lot of counseling too.

PSA: if you do not talk to your spouse for months at a time they will leave.

There, my service to humanity to make up for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How anyone can live like this is beyond me. What are you getting out of it? Other than obvious financial support (which is nice).

I knew a couple like this (divorced now). They were living completely separate lives within their house. They emailed each other while they were both in the house to communicate. Email! Internally the husband was going through all kinds of turmoil (they're both a little off) and one day he picked up and took his stuff and most of the money and left the house and blind-sided her.

Communication is important!

She was only ‘blind-sided ‘ if she was immensely stupid and gullible. If you were her friend you should have helped her have a clue.

Your friends can't know what is going on in the privacy of your home, particularly if you don't tell them. They put on a very happy facade for everyone and just seemed like the sort of couple where each spouse is kind of independent. They went through a lot of counseling too.

PSA: if you do not talk to your spouse for months at a time they will leave.

There, my service to humanity to make up for it.

Some things are beyond counseling - which I think OP’s marriage is as well.
OP it actually imploded years ago and you didn’t notice. All you have now is floating fallout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, at least the complaints about grammar & typos is down. I mean, please. We all know the difference between your and you're and sometimes our fingers refuse to follow our brains. Or AutoCorrect. No need to call it out.

I assure you that many people don’t and it is painful to see.

Sure, it's painful to see but commenting on it is wasted effort here. Just chuckle quietly to yourself, please. No need to be a grammar-harpy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate when they try to hide the sex of the spouse.

I hate it too but seem to see it more on DCUM lately. I'm sure posters do it out of concern that if they are ID'd as a woman posting about a man or a man posting about a woman, they'll get a pile of the unfotunately common garbage that comes up on DCUM: "You must be a horrible wife who nags and withholds sex from your husband" or "You must be a horrible husband who hides things from your wife and doesn't do your share with the kids, house, etc."

So many posts like those, ALL the time here. Or posts determined that every OP must be the problem in any situation. The other classic: "Huh. Wonder what your spouse's side of the story is!" -- usually said with no further attempt to offer insights or actual advice.

This knee-jerk meanness and baiting is probably what prompts some OPs to try to hide genders. Agreed, it's annoying, but not as annoying as the inevitable responses saying, "If you posted here, you must be the one at fault/trolling/whining/nagging."

+1

OP.

This is exactly why I kept the post gender-neutral. Why does it even matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate when they try to hide the sex of the spouse.

I hate it too but seem to see it more on DCUM lately. I'm sure posters do it out of concern that if they are ID'd as a woman posting about a man or a man posting about a woman, they'll get a pile of the unfotunately common garbage that comes up on DCUM: "You must be a horrible wife who nags and withholds sex from your husband" or "You must be a horrible husband who hides things from your wife and doesn't do your share with the kids, house, etc."

So many posts like those, ALL the time here. Or posts determined that every OP must be the problem in any situation. The other classic: "Huh. Wonder what your spouse's side of the story is!" -- usually said with no further attempt to offer insights or actual advice.

This knee-jerk meanness and baiting is probably what prompts some OPs to try to hide genders. Agreed, it's annoying, but not as annoying as the inevitable responses saying, "If you posted here, you must be the one at fault/trolling/whining/nagging."

+1

OP.

This is exactly why I kept the post gender-neutral. Why does it even matter?

It is harder to imagine the situation and not so easy to read, but your dirty bedsheets after masturbation helped me assign genders.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar situation. My marriage almost imploded but didn't. First of all, you said he says he loves you. That's positive. Second of all, you have an amazing child. Third of all, you both don't want to be divorced. At some point in my marriage I decided that raising children together was a good enough reason to stay together, even though other important aspects are severely lacking. To stay married, you basically have to ignore everything that sucks. It's possible you are worried he's cheating when he's not. You need to decide whether you want to have another baby. It sounds like you do. Whether that's a good idea considering the state of your marriage, I'm not sure. Have you suggested getting counseling? Or said you want another child? If he agreed to another child, that would fix the lack of sex at least long enough to conceive. If he doesn't want another kid, then see if he agrees to counseling. If he doesn't, you still have to decide whether the purpose of the marriage being to raise your child together is enough for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate when they try to hide the sex of the spouse.

I hate it too but seem to see it more on DCUM lately. I'm sure posters do it out of concern that if they are ID'd as a woman posting about a man or a man posting about a woman, they'll get a pile of the unfotunately common garbage that comes up on DCUM: "You must be a horrible wife who nags and withholds sex from your husband" or "You must be a horrible husband who hides things from your wife and doesn't do your share with the kids, house, etc."

So many posts like those, ALL the time here. Or posts determined that every OP must be the problem in any situation. The other classic: "Huh. Wonder what your spouse's side of the story is!" -- usually said with no further attempt to offer insights or actual advice.

This knee-jerk meanness and baiting is probably what prompts some OPs to try to hide genders. Agreed, it's annoying, but not as annoying as the inevitable responses saying, "If you posted here, you must be the one at fault/trolling/whining/nagging."

+1

OP.

This is exactly why I kept the post gender-neutral. Why does it even matter?

1) yes, it is harder to imagine
2) it is harder to get perspective. I know this is ananthama, but men & women *typically* react differently to many things. Not all. Just lots. Getting that perspective and insight is helpful.
3) it is difficult to track who is whom when every person in your story is "they" or "their" ... or use "ze" and "hir" and look all forward thinking.

[Anonymous]

No sex. Separate beds. Locked doors. Your marriage imploded long ago

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry your marriage is troubling you. These are definitely red flags that something isn't right. I think it's time to have a heart to heart with your husband instead of beating around the bush. If he's resistant then suggest marriage counseling. You need answers before making any decisions.