Dispelling the Myth

[Anonymous]

Single women in her late 40s who started dating again less than a year ago. I took a 7 year hiatus to have my DC (donor conceived). I could never "trick" a guy into having a kid, so with a strong male and female support system, i became a mom.The majority of the men that i come across are divorced, some road weary, and are some not. Yes, I do want to be partnered and I am open to marriage.

I have run across quite a few divorced men that immediately think something is "wrong" with me because i have never been married. I am active, very physically fit, financially independent, and have a very open, healthy attitude toward sex.

What are some of the barriers that you perceive in dating a person that has never been married?

P.S. i am AA, it that gies the dating situation greater context.

[Anonymous]

By never marrying, you suggest that you’re an enormous pain in the ass with unrealistic, never-satisfied expectations. Marriage demonstrates an attempt at coexisting with a partner in life, so you’ve kinda proven that you’re normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By never marrying, you suggest that you’re an enormous pain in the ass with unrealistic, never-satisfied expectations. Marriage demonstrates an attempt at coexisting with a partner in life, so you’ve kinda proven that you’re normal.

Those are your words, negative little nelly. I hope that you are able to heal your wounds and re-enter normal society. I wish you peace.

[Anonymous]

One of the major barriers I percieve is that you likely have not been dragged through the worst an ending marriage can bring in life. I may or may not want to get married again. Right now, not. But I am easily spooked off by things that feel wrong. I don't become exclusive easily. Good sex is a priority for me. And I am not interested in having some of these same fights or putting up with what I put up with in my marriage. I will likely not get married or even move in with someone again.

By you never being married, I assume you don't know how bad it can get and won't understand when I set certain boundaries for myself.

But congrats for you living your life!

35 female, 18 mo separated, 6 yr old DD.

[Anonymous]

I'm a divorced female mid 40"s and will not date a guy who has never been married. I feel that do not know what a long term marriage is like. I was married 22 years.

[Anonymous]

Since most people do marry and start families within that marriage, I think it's only natural for people/men to wonder why an attractive, successful woman has never been married and chose to become a parent on her own. Anytime we veer from the established "norm", people tend to be curious. However, I think any guy worth your time will ask you about it rather than just make assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By never marrying, you suggest that you’re an enormous pain in the ass with unrealistic, never-satisfied expectations. Marriage demonstrates an attempt at coexisting with a partner in life, so you’ve kinda proven that you’re normal.

Those are your words, negative little nelly. I hope that you are able to heal your wounds and re-enter normal society. I wish you peace.

No you don’t. The question was about perceptions, preconceived notions. I answered accordingly.

[Anonymous]

How old is your child OP? I can't tell if the child is an infant or approximately 7-8 years old. In any event, most guys in the age bracket I assume you will be dating in (45-55) will probably have older children and may not want to go back to the younger child phase.

There may also be some stigma associated with being a...not sure what the word is but a never married single mom. Perhaps that is offset somewhat by you being older (i.e. not a teen mom) and also that you are financially independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the major barriers I percieve is that you likely have not been dragged through the worst an ending marriage can bring in life. I may or may not want to get married again. Right now, not. But I am easily spooked off by things that feel wrong. I don't become exclusive easily. Good sex is a priority for me. And I am not interested in having some of these same fights or putting up with what I put up with in my marriage. I will likely not get married or even move in with someone again.

By you never being married, I assume you don't know how bad it can get and won't understand when I set certain boundaries for myself.

But congrats for you living your life!

35 female, 18 mo separated, 6 yr old DD.

Those are some of the myths that i face when dating. I can understand the sex thing, i prioritize that in a relationship too. I have found that divorced guys are quite set in their ways when it comes to pleasing women. The whole "i have to wear a condom" and cannot maintain a good erection with one is a big hassle. One that can be overcome though.

As far as tough life journeys, i have had more than my share of those. So divorce ofren pales in comparison. My parents were divorced, so I am familiar with it. I do believe what you put into marrage is exactly what you will get out and you see that reflected in many divorces

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By never marrying, you suggest that you’re an enormous pain in the ass with unrealistic, never-satisfied expectations. Marriage demonstrates an attempt at coexisting with a partner in life, so you’ve kinda proven that you’re normal.

Those are your words, negative little nelly. I hope that you are able to heal your wounds and re-enter normal society. I wish you peace.

No you don’t. The question was about perceptions, preconceived notions. I answered accordingly.

Exactly. I think you answered the question posed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your child OP? I can't tell if the child is an infant or approximately 7-8 years old. In any event, most guys in the age bracket I assume you will be dating in (45-55) will probably have older children and may not want to go back to the younger child phase.

There may also be some stigma associated with being a...not sure what the word is but a never married single mom. Perhaps that is offset somewhat by you being older (i.e. not a teen mom) and also that you are financially independent.

Yes, I was 40 and had an income well over 150k at the time of birth. I am also African American, so that adds a different dynamic. Most successful guys with similiar SES status have similarly aged children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the major barriers I percieve is that you likely have not been dragged through the worst an ending marriage can bring in life. I may or may not want to get married again. Right now, not. But I am easily spooked off by things that feel wrong. I don't become exclusive easily. Good sex is a priority for me. And I am not interested in having some of these same fights or putting up with what I put up with in my marriage. I will likely not get married or even move in with someone again.

By you never being married, I assume you don't know how bad it can get and won't understand when I set certain boundaries for myself.

But congrats for you living your life!

35 female, 18 mo separated, 6 yr old DD.

Those are some of the myths that i face when dating. I can understand the sex thing, i prioritize that in a relationship too. I have found that divorced guys are quite set in their ways when it comes to pleasing women. The whole "i have to wear a condom" and cannot maintain a good erection with one is a big hassle. One that can be overcome though.

As far as tough life journeys, i have had more than my share of those. So divorce ofren pales in comparison. My parents were divorced, so I am familiar with it. I do believe what you put into marrage is exactly what you will get out and you see that reflected in many divorces

I did not say tough life journeys or bad things in life on purpose. I said the worst of marriage. What you put into a marriage is not always what you get out of it. Read more threads on this board. It is full of people complaining they don't get back what they put in.

[Anonymous]

Read more threads on this board. It is full of people complaining

about everything, including a while back the idea of surviving on $150K per year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Read more threads on this board. It is full of people complaining

about everything, including a while back the idea of surviving on $150K per year.

OP here, yes the idea is ludicrous. You are jot rich hut not poor either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By never marrying, you suggest that you’re an enormous pain in the ass with unrealistic, never-satisfied expectations. Marriage demonstrates an attempt at coexisting with a partner in life, so you’ve kinda proven that you’re normal.

Those are your words, negative little nelly. I hope that you are able to heal your wounds and re-enter normal society. I wish you peace.

No you don’t. The question was about perceptions, preconceived notions. I answered accordingly.

I agree with this poster. OP, you asked for perceptions. When you get them you lash out. Why?