Chaperone turned school trip into family vacation

[Anonymous]

How would you deal with this?

HS student goes on a school trip out-of-state to a very popular tourist destination. This is actually for academic purposes. It was a mix of fun/free time and school activity.

Her chaperone brings along the chaperone's entire family and my kid and her classmate end up as tagalongs on what has effectively become a family vacation. Kid and her classmate end up not being able to do anything they want during their free time and were forced to effectively serve as babysitters for this family's younger children and generally were made beholden to the family's schedule. Going off alone was not an option per the venue's and school's policies.

My child worked hard to earn this trip -- lots of hours volunteering, raising money, etc. She's extremely disappointed and upset. Normally I'd say take it up with the school or the trip planner, but honestly I think this is one of those rare instances that require parent involvement. But what do we say/do? Make our displeasure known? Insist on policy changes so that chaperones don't bring families in the future?

Curious how you would handle.

[Anonymous]

I would contact the school and let them know you paid for a school trip and child is being used as a free babysitter. i would not allow them to go in less you chaperone next time.

[Anonymous]

^^ I mean normally I'd say self-advocacy but in this case I parent involvement (i.e. me) is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

I would ask that the school look into this. If they couldn't go off on their own, what would have been different if the chaperone's kids hadn't been there? Wouldn't she still have had control over the activity?

Also, was it just the two students and the chaperone's family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask that the school look into this. If they couldn't go off on their own, what would have been different if the chaperone's kids hadn't been there? Wouldn't she still have had control over the activity?

Also, was it just the two students and the chaperone's family?

Three students, but one of them was the family's daughter.

[Anonymous]

Wow- I'd be pissed! I would first have DD detail (as best as she can remember) the dates & approximate times of what actually happened. No doubt the parent in charge will try to refute the allegations so it would best to have a list of times, dates and events.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is terribly unreasonable... until the babysitter part.

That is, I don't think it's a problem for a school chaperone to bring his/her family on the trip -- especially if his daughter was one of the students. Would you have been allowed to go on the trip if you wanted to? If so, this isn't different. Was he paid substantially extra for his time? If not, then I think it's nice he served as a chaperone at all.

Also, as the adult, whether or not his/her family was there, he was going to get to dictate what they did in any case. Like, if his family wasn't there and he said "no I'm not taking you to X Y Z movie" and/or "we have to be back at the hotel by 8 pm," would that have struck you as unreasonable... or was it just his motive?

All that said, if they actually had to babysit the younger kids at some point... That would be out of line. If you just mean that they were limited in what they could do because of the young children... then I think no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Was one of the chaperones a teacher or just a parent who volunteered? I think that changes my answer.

If a teacher, then absolutely it needs to be brought to the attention of the principal that the teacher brought their other family members on the trip.

If just a parent volunteer, I don't know if the school has any recourse.

I know when I was in HS and went to Paris over the summer with my French teacher and classmates, she told us how she'd been to Paris 18 times, but only once with her husband before they were married because spouses were not permitted to travel on school trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this is terribly unreasonable... until the babysitter part.

That is, I don't think it's a problem for a school chaperone to bring his/her family on the trip -- especially if his daughter was one of the students. Would you have been allowed to go on the trip if you wanted to? If so, this isn't different. Was he paid substantially extra for his time? If not, then I think it's nice he served as a chaperone at all.

Also, as the adult, whether or not his/her family was there, he was going to get to dictate what they did in any case. Like, if his family wasn't there and he said "no I'm not taking you to X Y Z movie" and/or "we have to be back at the hotel by 8 pm," would that have struck you as unreasonable... or was it just his motive?

All that said, if they actually had to babysit the younger kids at some point... That would be out of line. If you just mean that they were limited in what they could do because of the young children... then I think no big deal.

Fair enough. I think it was also a situation where the students weren't allowed to do things they wanted to do (i.e. rides, etc) because the chaperone prioritized the younger children's preferences.

[Anonymous]

I would complain to the school and I'd talk about this not only from the standpoint of your daughter being disappointed, I would also make it a discussion about risk and liability. If this so called chaperone could dictate babysitting duties to your daughter what else could an adult in a position of power do or demand. Without clear policies that protect the students the school is as risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was one of the chaperones a teacher or just a parent who volunteered? I think that changes my answer.

If a teacher, then absolutely it needs to be brought to the attention of the principal that the teacher brought their other family members on the trip.

If just a parent volunteer, I don't know if the school has any recourse.

I know when I was in HS and went to Paris over the summer with my French teacher and classmates, she told us how she'd been to Paris 18 times, but only once with her husband before they were married because spouses were not permitted to travel on school trips.

Parent chaperone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this is terribly unreasonable... until the babysitter part.

That is, I don't think it's a problem for a school chaperone to bring his/her family on the trip -- especially if his daughter was one of the students. Would you have been allowed to go on the trip if you wanted to? If so, this isn't different. Was he paid substantially extra for his time? If not, then I think it's nice he served as a chaperone at all.

Also, as the adult, whether or not his/her family was there, he was going to get to dictate what they did in any case. Like, if his family wasn't there and he said "no I'm not taking you to X Y Z movie" and/or "we have to be back at the hotel by 8 pm," would that have struck you as unreasonable... or was it just his motive?

All that said, if they actually had to babysit the younger kids at some point... That would be out of line. If you just mean that they were limited in what they could do because of the young children... then I think no big deal.

I think it is. It's usually 1 adult per x number of kids for school sponsored trips. Sure, you're adding in another adult, but you're also adding in younger kids (since OP says they needed babysitting). Needing babysitting implies that ALL the kids were left alone, which is 100% forbidden on all school sponsored trips. Plus, if you're adding a spouse and your own little kids into the mix, you're now no longer paying as much attention to the other three kids you're supposed to be supervising.

I know with our county, the teens can't even be left alone for sleeping. There's always a parent or coach (same sex) in the room with them. I've been a parent chaperone to many away sporting meets that required overnight travel. Usually it's me in the room on a cot/soft bed, my kid, and 3 of her teammates. It's 1 parent per 4 girls or per room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this is terribly unreasonable... until the babysitter part.

That is, I don't think it's a problem for a school chaperone to bring his/her family on the trip -- especially if his daughter was one of the students. Would you have been allowed to go on the trip if you wanted to? If so, this isn't different. Was he paid substantially extra for his time? If not, then I think it's nice he served as a chaperone at all.

Also, as the adult, whether or not his/her family was there, he was going to get to dictate what they did in any case. Like, if his family wasn't there and he said "no I'm not taking you to X Y Z movie" and/or "we have to be back at the hotel by 8 pm," would that have struck you as unreasonable... or was it just his motive?

All that said, if they actually had to babysit the younger kids at some point... That would be out of line. If you just mean that they were limited in what they could do because of the young children... then I think no big deal.

This is my question, too. Did the chaperone leave them at the hotel to watch the kids while the adults went out to dinner? That would be beyond the pale of reason. Did the chaperone expect them to play Putt-Putt with a couple of elementary-school kids while the adults sat on a bench? That's a little more gray area; the girls should not have been expected to entertain the younger girls as opposed to having teenager chats and such, but if it's the same activity they'd have been doing anyway, I'd object, but not as strenuously. Did the chaperone refuse to let them do something because of the younger children's needs or schedules that the girls would have been allowed to do without those children, such as a movie, late-night meal, bungie-jumping, etc.? That one would be hard to argue since there is no example of this particular chaperone conducting this trip differently with only teens.

I guess I'd call the parent of the other girl and see what report she got, and then if you both want to register a complaint, the adult thing to do would be to first contact the chaperone directly for an explanation and to give her an earful about your daughters' expectations and hard work. And then I'd contact the school with all the information I had and register my disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was one of the chaperones a teacher or just a parent who volunteered? I think that changes my answer.

If a teacher, then absolutely it needs to be brought to the attention of the principal that the teacher brought their other family members on the trip.

If just a parent volunteer, I don't know if the school has any recourse.

I know when I was in HS and went to Paris over the summer with my French teacher and classmates, she told us how she'd been to Paris 18 times, but only once with her husband before they were married because spouses were not permitted to travel on school trips.

Parent chaperone.

Hmm. I think it's going to boil down to if it was a school sponsored trip or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this is terribly unreasonable... until the babysitter part.

That is, I don't think it's a problem for a school chaperone to bring his/her family on the trip -- especially if his daughter was one of the students. Would you have been allowed to go on the trip if you wanted to? If so, this isn't different. Was he paid substantially extra for his time? If not, then I think it's nice he served as a chaperone at all.

Also, as the adult, whether or not his/her family was there, he was going to get to dictate what they did in any case. Like, if his family wasn't there and he said "no I'm not taking you to X Y Z movie" and/or "we have to be back at the hotel by 8 pm," would that have struck you as unreasonable... or was it just his motive?

All that said, if they actually had to babysit the younger kids at some point... That would be out of line. If you just mean that they were limited in what they could do because of the young children... then I think no big deal.

Fair enough. I think it was also a situation where the students weren't allowed to do things they wanted to do (i.e. rides, etc) because the chaperone prioritized the younger children's preferences.

Or did she just use the younger kids as an excuse? If both parents were there, this doesn't even make sense, since they could have split up. You need to talk to the other girl's mom and the chaperone.