Imminent separation- will I ever feel "normal" again?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Just looking for BTDT people to weigh in. I can't eat- I tried yesterday and chewing food is just not going to happen. I know I need to keep my strength up but I just can't. I constantly feel like I am having a panic attack. I'm terrified of my future and that of my kids' future. I can't concentrate at work. I'm trying to do things like remind myself that I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me, but then I just fall into "WHY doesn't he want to be with me?".
All my local friends are in happy relationships with families, and don't have a lot of free time to come hang out with me, so I feel so alone and scared. My best friend moved to FL and I just wish she was here so much. I couldn't even find joy in watching my kids hunt for Easter eggs this morning. I just don't think I am strong enough to get through this. I'm sure some of you out there have been there- looking for positivity and words of wisdom. And maybe some encouragement? How long am I going to feel like this? I'm not sure I can take much longer. |
Anonymous
| I am going through this. I left an abusive marriage a year ago. I thought I would bounce back quickly, but it has been a long road to recovery. I promised myself I would be kind to myself for 2 more years. I now think it is going to take me 3 years to feel normal again. The ups and down cycle is lengthening out. |
Anonymous
| I was EXACTLY. EXACTLY. where you are 2 years ago. My kids and I are thriving. I am so happy without him. If he cheated, read chumplady.com; it helps to know the situation you thought was so unique has happened to millions of others, pretty much word for word. My ex thought the grass is greener and found out it wasn't. I'm so happy to be free of him. I love raising my kids on my own. I've made new friends and had great experiences. Lean on your family if you can. Good luck. |
Anonymous
(OP here) I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I suppose I should be grateful the marriage was not abusive, more simply that he doesn't love me anymore. A year and still hard? Are you able to eat? I've dropped almost 10lb in 2 weeks. Does appetite come back? I'm 5'8 and now at 120, so not worried yet, but when will I be able to tolerate food again? I feel weak and tired all the time, which doesn't help. |
Anonymous
| I kicked my abusive spouse out three weeks ago. I feel you OP. I have great days and horrible moments. Weight has plummeted to 105 lbs. don’t sleep. The only thing that works for me is gratitude. I focus on what I have, not what I’m losing- because what I’m “losing” wasn’t what I actually had- I’m losing a dream, the reality is that he’s sick and this is a blessing. Hang in there. Day by day. Lean hard on family and friends. Take baths. Get outside. Volunteer with those way less fortunate. It will change your perspective. You can do this. Dont compare to your friends- I think how many people have been comparing to me and feeling jealous when the realit was I was living with a sick abusive man. |
Anonymous
| Right there with you, OP. I am plotting my exit for next month. When I left the lawyer’s office on Wednesday, I threw up in the parking lot, and have been unable to eat since. |
Anonymous
That is exactly what I need to remember. Thank you. You seem way stronger than me. |
Anonymous
No cheating. He just doesn't love me anymore. I would almost prefer that he cheated so I could feel angry. |
Anonymous
| Do you have a therapist? Mine has been really helpful. I don’t really have anyone else to talk about this (except my lawyer, but she is $500/hour, and my therapist is covered by my health insurance). |
Anonymous
I’ll give your a reason to be angry —your dh is an a** who doesn’t understand his marriage vows and is too self centered to do the work required to keep a marriage successful, and is willing to walk away from being a full-time dad. As the other poster said, you are just awaking to the fact that your husband is not the man you thought he was. |
Anonymous
| I'm almost 2 years separated and I'm having a really hard time this weekend. There's a huge split between the good and bad (there was more bad for sure and has been immense bad since the separation) - like I really miss him and our family a lot right now. But in between I've had moments of exhilaration and relief. It has not been linear at all and honestly I've been white knuckling it the whole time. |
Anonymous
| Visit your doctor and get on an anti-anxiety medicine and/or antidepressant. That will make it easier to sleep and eat, and both are necessary so you have the strength to keep going and make good decisions. It will take away the panic attack feeling. Good luck. |
Anonymous
|
Yes, you will feel normal again - I promise you.
For me, the hardest thing about separation and divorce was the death of the future I thought I was going to have. I never expected to be a single parent of two children or that I would be doing everything by myself. But I started looking at all the positives once he moved out and realized that this life - this life I didn't expect or want - is so much better than the life I had. All the best, OP. You will get through this. I did and my DH moved out when I was pregnant and with a four year old! |
Anonymous
| I felt exactly as you did several years ago when my marriage fell apart. I had young children and I was the first of my friends to go through a divorce, so I felt very alone. The level of stress and depression I felt was overwhelming. I promise it will get better! Self-care is so important, take good care of yourself! Find a good therapist, make sure you exercise, and maybe consider taking medication to get you through the worst. You will get through this, and you will come out the other side wiser and stronger. Best of luck to you. |
Anonymous
|
It’s not physically possible for your body and mind to sustain this intense grieving forever. I know you feel like it will always be this way, but it won’t. Strong emotions of any kind are, by nature, impossible to sustain. You’ll wake up one morning and realize you feel 1% less awful. And it improves from there. You can speed the healing process by treating yourself with love, as others above have suggested, and I highly recommend a therapist (find one who works on a sliding fee scale if money is tight).
You ARE strong enough, OP. You really will be okay. Better than okay— you will be happy again. |