MIL thinks a third home is more important than DH... time to cut her off?

[Anonymous]

My DH and I have been married for close to 30 years and have had issues with his parents since we got engaged, mostly because I came from a working class background and they are wealthy. My BIL is a few years younger than DH and made the "right" marriage decision in MIL's eyes, but is now divorced. Recently at a family gathering, MIL pulled my DH aside and asked if it was okay to spend the entirety of HIS inheritance (upwards of $10 million) on their third home - which they apparently did not tell anyone except my adult daughter was in the process of being purchased. My daughter is living in the same city as BIL and asked him what he knew about the house - apparently his entire inheritance is intact because they like him and his kids more and they are moving to that city because they did not want to be far away from family as they age. DH travels around the country for work, so this seems logical they would move near BIL as his job is a lot less travel heavy, but he was extremely insulted about the disclosure of his entire inheritance being spent. In addition, MIL has apparently been trash talking my children to their cousins and any other family member and friend who will listen when FIL is not around. We had a childhood friend of BIL's call us up last week asking really inappropriate and intrusive questions about my son, stating that my MIL had mentioned he was struggling to him and he was trying to reach out and help him - and this is not the first time something like that has occurred in the last year or so. DH is extremely uncomfortable with everything that has happened over the last few months and is considering cutting all ties to both his parents - which will be extremely difficult as they're currently paying tuition for two of our children at schools we otherwise would not be able to afford. Is MIL's decision to purchase a third home with my DH's inheritance enough of a reason to completely cut off most of his side of the family?

[Anonymous]

It's their money to do with as they wish. You can cut them off but understand it will come with consequences.

[Anonymous]

His inheritance is her money, no? She can do what she wants, nothing is guaranteed. Is it fair? No, but again it wasn't his money to begin with. I wouldn't cut her off, but I would know where she stands.

[Anonymous]

Will you half cut them off for $5 million? You are proving them right by cutting them off.

[Anonymous]

They're paying for your kid's school and you're still whining?

What do you think happens to the house when they die anyway?

None of this is how inheritance works so pretty confusing. Gotta be troll.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand, OP. Did your MIL stipulate in her will that the new house should not become part of her estate upon her death, or that she has cut DH out of her will? Otherwise, whether your MIL's $10 million is in real estate, stocks or the bank I'm not sure what difference it makes once she dies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand, OP. Did your MIL stipulate in her will that the new house should not become part of her estate upon her death, or that she has cut DH out of her will? Otherwise, whether your MIL's $10 million is in real estate, stocks or the bank I'm not sure what difference it makes once she dies.

OP. DH is completely out of the will and everything is now going to BIL.

[Anonymous]

Apparently you have shaken off the working class mentality and have gone full entitlement mentality. You and your husband seem to believe they owe you an inheritance and pay for YOUR children’s tuition?
The smart play here would for your your mil to cut the leeches off.

[Anonymous]

You are saying money is more important to you than husband's mother spending HER money how SHE wants. If you want money, get another job.

[Anonymous]

You can’t have it both ways. Either you continue to accept the help they are offering ... with strings attached. Or you pay your own child’s way.

[Anonymous]

if you were smart you would start trying to ingratiate yourselves with her to get back in that will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand, OP. Did your MIL stipulate in her will that the new house should not become part of her estate upon her death, or that she has cut DH out of her will? Otherwise, whether your MIL's $10 million is in real estate, stocks or the bank I'm not sure what difference it makes once she dies.

OP. DH is completely out of the will and everything is now going to BIL.

That's not what your OP says though. Cleaning up the holes in this troll quick huh

[Anonymous]

You are pushing 50 or older. Were you counting on the inheritance for your own retirement and planned accordingly? If you did then it's time to suck up to MIL like you never did before.

[Anonymous]

They are paying for your kids school that you otherwise couldn't afford- why would you cut off your nose to spite your face?

[Anonymous]

People are going to flame you OP for framing this around the inheritance when really it’s just about being treated badly.

My advice: Do nothing overt until your kids are done with school. Just do your thing and if they reach out be busy. Assume there is no inheritance beyond tuitons being paid for. Get emotional freedom and don’t waste a second more time on these people in your minds.