MIL thinks a third home is more important than DH... time to cut her off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP, when you can afford to pay for your own lifestyle and not accept handouts then you can afford to be upset. Until then you should concentrate on doing everything that you can to afford your lifestyle and not accept handouts. Stop being ungracious and greedy. Show some gratitude. Learn to be kind to those who are helping you when you are not helping yourself.

So, if someone gives me $100, I should let them slap me across the face? If my boss compensates me well, I should tolerate verbal or sexual harassment? No gift or other compensation excuses treating people poorly, PP. And, no, OP has not in any way demonstrated that she's ungrateful for the financial assistance.

You also neglect that, when others offer gifts, it can change the recipients behavior. Perhaps OP would have sent her children to different schools, saved differently, applied for financial aid, etc. if the grandparents had not offered to pay their tuition. We have no way of knowing how or when the gift was made and what, if any, conditions there were around it.

My advice to you, PP, is to stop project your issues onto the posters on this forum looking for advice. A lot of these posters are stressed and earnestly looking for support. Bullying responses aren't appreciated.

[Anonymous]

It's not DH's inheritance until MIL passes, unless it's funding an irrevocable trust, in which case she cannot use the funds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP, when you can afford to pay for your own lifestyle and not accept handouts then you can afford to be upset. Until then you should concentrate on doing everything that you can to afford your lifestyle and not accept handouts. Stop being ungracious and greedy. Show some gratitude. Learn to be kind to those who are helping you when you are not helping yourself.

So, if someone gives me $100, I should let them slap me across the face? If my boss compensates me well, I should tolerate verbal or sexual harassment? No gift or other compensation excuses treating people poorly, PP. And, no, OP has not in any way demonstrated that she's ungrateful for the financial assistance.

You also neglect that, when others offer gifts, it can change the recipients behavior. Perhaps OP would have sent her children to different schools, saved differently, applied for financial aid, etc. if the grandparents had not offered to pay their tuition. We have no way of knowing how or when the gift was made and what, if any, conditions there were around it.

My advice to you, PP, is to stop project your issues onto the posters on this forum looking for advice. A lot of these posters are stressed and earnestly looking for support. Bullying responses aren't appreciated.

Gosh, I think I must have hit a nerve. Here is the full post since you took it out of context. My advice stands. Take the money or don't. But taking handouts means that you express gratitude and that you do not criticize how the givers choose to use the rest of their money.

So, from your post you are stating that you are unable to afford your lifestyle and, therefore, you accept handouts. But you don't like when your MIL discloses to others that you accept said handouts. Plus you're upset that your inlaws are daring to spend money on themselves.

Hhhhmmmm. I wonder what to think about this ... I wonder ... I wonder ... I wonder ...

Okay, wondering over.

OP, when you can afford to pay for your own lifestyle and not accept handouts then you can afford to be upset. Until then you should concentrate on doing everything that you can to afford your lifestyle and not accept handouts. Stop being ungracious and greedy. Show some gratitude. Learn to be kind to those who are helping you when you are not helping yourself.

And if you can't do any of these, then stop accepting the handouts. It sounds like your inlaws should find more deserving recipients.

[Anonymous]

Let's be real, Wills can always be contested. 3 houses or otherwise you guys can get your 1/3 of the estate. It just won't be immediately liquid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I have been married for close to 30 years and have had issues with his parents since we got engaged, mostly because I came from a working class background and they are wealthy. My BIL is a few years younger than DH and made the "right" marriage decision in MIL's eyes, but is now divorced. Recently at a family gathering, MIL pulled my DH aside and asked if it was okay to spend the entirety of HIS inheritance (upwards of $10 million) on their third home - which they apparently did not tell anyone except my adult daughter was in the process of being purchased. My daughter is living in the same city as BIL and asked him what he knew about the house - apparently his entire inheritance is intact because they like him and his kids more and they are moving to that city because they did not want to be far away from family as they age. DH travels around the country for work, so this seems logical they would move near BIL as his job is a lot less travel heavy, but he was extremely insulted about the disclosure of his entire inheritance being spent. In addition, MIL has apparently been trash talking my children to their cousins and any other family member and friend who will listen when FIL is not around. We had a childhood friend of BIL's call us up last week asking really inappropriate and intrusive questions about my son, stating that my MIL had mentioned he was struggling to him and he was trying to reach out and help him - and this is not the first time something like that has occurred in the last year or so. DH is extremely uncomfortable with everything that has happened over the last few months and is considering cutting all ties to both his parents - which will be extremely difficult as they're currently paying tuition for two of our children at schools we otherwise would not be able to afford. Is MIL's decision to purchase a third home with my DH's inheritance enough of a reason to completely cut off most of his side of the family?

So she asked him? How did he reply? If it was her money why would she ask? It it was set aside as his acknowledged future inheritance why would he say ‘no problem?’

Parents are allowed to make bad financial decisions or decisions that are uncaring toward others with regard to inheritance. It would be nice if they could all discuss it. I’m not sure I’d bother with a relationship w these people.

[Anonymous]

I read the original post several times, it doesn't meet the 'smell' test.

[Anonymous]

It sucks, but it is her money, not your DH's inheritance. They can do whatever they want with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I have been married for close to 30 years and have had issues with his parents since we got engaged, mostly because I came from a working class background and they are wealthy. My BIL is a few years younger than DH and made the "right" marriage decision in MIL's eyes, but is now divorced. Recently at a family gathering, MIL pulled my DH aside and asked if it was okay to spend the entirety of HIS inheritance (upwards of $10 million) on their third home - which they apparently did not tell anyone except my adult daughter was in the process of being purchased. My daughter is living in the same city as BIL and asked him what he knew about the house - apparently his entire inheritance is intact because they like him and his kids more and they are moving to that city because they did not want to be far away from family as they age. DH travels around the country for work, so this seems logical they would move near BIL as his job is a lot less travel heavy, but he was extremely insulted about the disclosure of his entire inheritance being spent. In addition, MIL has apparently been trash talking my children to their cousins and any other family member and friend who will listen when FIL is not around. We had a childhood friend of BIL's call us up last week asking really inappropriate and intrusive questions about my son, stating that my MIL had mentioned he was struggling to him and he was trying to reach out and help him - and this is not the first time something like that has occurred in the last year or so. DH is extremely uncomfortable with everything that has happened over the last few months and is considering cutting all ties to both his parents - which will be extremely difficult as they're currently paying tuition for two of our children at schools we otherwise would not be able to afford. Is MIL's decision to purchase a third home with my DH's inheritance enough of a reason to completely cut off most of his side of the family?

You know it’s not “his inheritance “. It’s their money to spend as they wish, which apparently includes tuition for your kids. You have to decide what your priorities are. Chances are she’ll still talk smack about you no matter what

[Anonymous]

Keep quiet until kids are out of school. Contest the will when the old bag dies. BIL may pay your DH off to get him to drop it.

[Anonymous]

They're paying for your tuition and you're mad that they've spent your death benefits money at the same time?

Just have them put the third house in your DHs name - problem solved.

[Anonymous]

If he’s “cut out of the will” then what does it matter she does with the money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he’s “cut out of the will” then what does it matter she does with the money?

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OP doesn't make sense.

[Anonymous]

I would be just as pissed OP. They can call you entitled or a gold digger, but for that amount of money, I would be really upset too. Particularly if my spouse and children were being treated poorly. I hope you are able to contest the will when they die and that your DH gets something.

[Anonymous]

This story lacks credibility.
High net worth individuals invariably use trusts, not wills, to protect their assets. Generally these individuals do not pay cash for houses, as they manage their property equity with the smallest down payment and leverage their cash in high return investments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This story lacks credibility.
High net worth individuals invariably use trusts, not wills, to protect their assets. Generally these individuals do not pay cash for houses, as they manage their property equity with the smallest down payment and leverage their cash in high return investments.

Agree on trust vs wills. But most 10 million personal use homes are bought with cash.