Newly single, military Mom, going to residency - child care options

[Anonymous]

I’m going to be moving to the Bethesda/silver spring area for residency in June. I’m hoping that I can get my toddler in the daycare on base but I’m going to need more support for my son. What options are available outside of the normal during the work week hours for childcare? Are there any places that offer childcare on the weekends if needed or later into the evening? What about drop ins? I’m so excited for school but the childcare aspect is very stressful to think about. I really could use some help in navigating this new life situation with feedback from the community. I won’t have family support in the area and I don’t know anyone in the area yet. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

:o Most of the residents (I assume you're taking medical residency) we know with young children have the other parent staying home or nannies. Not sure how it would work otherwise. Are you in a surgical speciality? I assume you'll be required to stay overnights at the hospital? I'm not trying to be negative but finding weekend/evening/drop in care is nearly impossible. I think a nanny would be your best bet. Have the child go to the CDC on base and nanny that can drive him after that. You may or may not be able to pick the child up by the time the base childcare closes to drop him somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

I would look for someone on Care.com. I had a sitter who used to watch a child overnight for another mom. She was a SAHM who did this to make extra money. Someone like that could be helpful to you.

[Anonymous]

As someone else said, there are no late night / early morning care options. You'll need a Nanny or Au Pair.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to look for an au pair. It requires another bedroom but it’s less than a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Thank you. I have looked into au pairs but I was told there’s a lawsuit out in the senate and House in regards to their visas. I’m comcerned that if I were to host one, I’d lose that option if the lawsuit goes through.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I both ate Mrs. He went right to med school out of college and I stayed home and had our two kids. The when he was done (added a fellowship) I we y in at 33. I can honestly say that the years he was in school our kids saw him less than 6 waking hours a week. My experience in school wasn't quite as bad bc my kids were older and stayed up last 8. When they are under 5 and go to bed early there is just no time to see them. It's incredibly time demanding and mentally intensive. I really would not consider this career path as a single parent. Can a grandparent move in????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. I have looked into au pairs but I was told there’s a lawsuit out in the senate and House in regards to their visas. I’m comcerned that if I were to host one, I’d lose that option if the lawsuit goes through.

The lawsuit is in regards to pay, and it is not moving quickly. They would not lose their visas; you would start having to pay minimum wage for all hours worked if the win before you are done hosting. This is still a better option for you than a nanny since you will be working many overnights.

I'm a military doctor's wife. I honestly don't know how you're going to do this without family support. Can you get a grandparent, sibling, cousin, ANYONE to come with you??? Internship year is at least 60 hours/wk including overnights, and every other year will be at least 80 hours a week including overnights. And then they do a week or two of field training and retreats.

An au pair can only work 45 hours a week; even if you had daycare, she could not legally do a week of a retreat. You could combine au pair, nanny, and daycare, but wowee! That would be expensive.

Where is the other parent?

[Anonymous]

Bethesda parent here. There's not much in terms of after-hours or drop-in care. Your best option is to get an au pair and daycare/preschool (how old exactly is your DS?). Since the au pair has a limit on hours they work, you'd use them after daycare is over.

Don't worry about legal battle going on -- they'll work it out, and you'll probably be done with your residency by the time they do.

[Anonymous]

I could only imagine doing this if there was another family member in the child's life available to be there more often. You're talking about both being away from home most of the day (and nights) for years, and hiring outside caregivers to cover. That means you are the one the daycare will call if she's sick or has a behavior problem, and you're still the one who's supposed to "be there" for her, but you won't be ...

This is not a "slam" on single mothers. The stress on you is going to be unbelievable. If you had grandma, or beloved aunt/uncle, or dad to be there when you couldn't be, this would be much more doable.

You other option, IMO, is to basically turn over your paycheck to a live-in, high-quality nanny who can truly stand in for you and who your daughter can come to rely on like a second a parent.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to a new world!
1 - work to get your toddler onto daycare on base. This is going to cover 80% of your needs.

2- Post at Montgomery Community College that you need a sitter for occasional weekends / evenings / possible over nights. You should be able to find someone.

3 - Do you have a distant cousin / family friend who is looking for a new life experience? We did this as my cousin who lived in an area with few employment options was looking to get out of the area. She lived with us for 2 years as our "nanny"

[Anonymous]

Bethesda parent here again. Will they give a childcare allowance? Child care in this area is expensive, like $20-30/hour for decent nannies, and the preschools runs $1k+/month and that's not including aftercare. If you're moving from a low-cost area, just be aware of this when you consider your options. That's why an au pair may be a key part of the plan.

[Anonymous]

Au pairs are limited to 10 hour work shifts. If you are doing overnights, that will not be an option for you.

I believe your only option is a nanny who is willing to do overnights.

How you make this work is really going to depend on your schedule. I’m single and for work travel had my regular help-an au pair and part time preschool - and also an overnight nanny.

Good luck, op. I’m not sure how much your salary is, but you are looking at pretty significant costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to a new world!
1 - work to get your toddler onto daycare on base. This is going to cover 80% of your needs.

2- Post at Montgomery Community College that you need a sitter for occasional weekends / evenings / possible over nights. You should be able to find someone.

3 - Do you have a distant cousin / family friend who is looking for a new life experience? We did this as my cousin who lived in an area with few employment options was looking to get out of the area. She lived with us for 2 years as our "nanny"

This is not going to work for her. It is going to be much more than occasional, and she will not always get much notice. Each time she rotates specialty during her residency (every 4-6 weeks), she'll get a new call schedule. She won't often be able to get that in advance. She needs someone 100% reliable that she can also trust to get her child to daycare in the morning if she's still at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Au pairs are limited to 10 hour work shifts. If you are doing overnights, that will not be an option for you.

I believe your only option is a nanny who is willing to do overnights.

OP wrote there are no overnight shifts.