DH job change

[Anonymous]

Would love advice on how others would feel about this and how I should approach it with DH. DH has worked for the same company for several years and does well. He makes a good salary ($300K) but has been feeling like he wants a change. His dream is to do something entrepreneurial.

One of his good friends started a company 6 months ago. It’s actually doing well (although not profitable yet) but the friend is not a great business/numbers person, and DH is. So, friend approached DH to come on board as a co-founder and DH is really excited about it and ready to quit his job. He really believes in the business and thinks it could be huge... but for at least the first year he (and the friend) would get paid zero and reinvest everything back into the business. Friend already has investors lined up so we don’t need to put money into the business, but he would lose his salary, bonus, etc.

DH claims this is his dream and I don’t want to stop him from pursuing it, but the realist in me says that this is a huge risk that will require a lot of sacrifice. Selfishly I am not sure I really want to make them. We have one child who is currently in private school (with a hefty tuition) and are currently trying for a second. We live in a really nice 2 bedroom apartment that we own but were planning to sell this summer to get something bigger - but with zero income that isn’t going to happen. We also have a nanny (I work but only make around $150K), car payments, and so on.

How do I support DH in this but also get him to see the big picture that everyone else will have to make a lot of sacrifices for him to pursue this opportunity?And, while we have savings I don’t think we can really afford this financially at all - especially since there is no sure timeline here.

How do others feel about this? Do I just need to suck it up and be supportive or is it fair to push him not to do this?

[Anonymous]

It is a joint decision, for sure, but it sounds like a great opportunity to me.

Sit down and run the numbers with him - with 450K HHI, I assume you've been able to pack $$ away?

Most people don't end up regretting the risks they took in life; the regret not doing things they wanted to.

[Anonymous]

I’d prioritize my husband’s well-thought-out dream over an imaginary second child that doesn’t exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d prioritize my husband’s well-thought-out dream over an imaginary second child that doesn’t exist.

Why is his well thought out dream of a business more valid than her well thought out dream of a 2nd baby? My question would be: How old is OP? Do you have time to wait? How resentful will you be if this business fails? Will it wreck your marriage?

I think you really need to talk out various scenarios and potential outcoems and really strive to agree on a path forward that you can both live with, today and in the future whatever can comes to pass. Easier said than done of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d prioritize my husband’s well-thought-out dream over an imaginary second child that doesn’t exist.

Why is his well thought out dream of a business more valid than her well thought out dream of a 2nd baby? My question would be: How old is OP? Do you have time to wait? How resentful will you be if this business fails? Will it wreck your marriage?

I think you really need to talk out various scenarios and potential outcoems and really strive to agree on a path forward that you can both live with, today and in the future whatever can comes to pass. Easier said than done of course.

Because he would be my husband. My true love. The only one on earth I chose over all others. You know, what women tend to forget when they have baby-brain (and yes, I am a woman). To be quite honest I think a large percentage of men would be fine without ever having children, let alone a specific number, and to this point he’s made every effort to give OP their first lovely child and a comfortable living. I don’t think it’s asking too much that he be given a chance at this career path. It sounds like OP is mostly on board except for having to do without some material luxuries they don’t really need, and waiting or compromising on another kid. Really not seeing much of an issue here.

[Anonymous]

Discuss his plans and give your input. There are big areas to cover. How long are they giving to make things a success and what are the milestones to know it’s on track? He can’t afford to reinvest his salary for 5 years I assume. What expenses do you have to cut back on to live off your salary plus some of your savings? Will both of you have adequate insurances like life insurance, disability and health insurance and can you save for retirement? With childcare, will he be able to be involved with your child or will he be busy growing the business all the time. If he is going to be working even more trying to get the business off the ground, you have to figure out how to cover that, does he have family that can help, do you have family nearby, would you need to move someplace with more space and consider getting an au pair?

So bottom line, I wouldn’t say no to the dream, but there needs to be discussion about what it looks like and it would need to be fair so you aren’t a de facto single mom working full time supporting the family on your salary without the nanny and doing all things child care related, putting off a second child, living in 2 bedroom apartment with no time limit in sight.

[Anonymous]

$150k is still a very generous salary. And I'm assuming you have savings? And is a nanny really necessary?

[Anonymous]

Have the second kid. Deal with not having a bigger house. Support your partner's dream and plan for a mutually agreeable exit strategy. At what point does he start looking for a job if the dream doesn't work out, etc...

You said he's good with numbers. DH and I solve things with a joking "show me the PPT" pitch. Ask him to make a formal pitch which includes the second kid, assuming a nanny and another private school tuition.

[Anonymous]

Shocking but many people manage to scrape by on 150k, esp if they had been making 450k for a while.

Support your husband. No question about it.

[Anonymous]

You only make $150? ?

[Anonymous]

I did this with business partners, but we were profitable immediately. Can he join the business and help while it goes to profitable without leaving his day job?

[Anonymous]

OP here. My hang up is that our mortgage is $4K per month so let's call that $50K per year. We also have a $45K private school tuition, plus $40K in nanny expenses. So that is $135K per year in basic post-tax expenses and clearly my salary doesn't come close to covering that.

I work long hours, and DH will as well in this new venture, plus he would be traveling quite a bit. So unfortunately the nanny has to stay because we have no local family, and we are not going to pull our daughter out of private because she is very happy there.

Second child aside, I only bring that up because kids are expensive and that would add to our outlay. I am 38 so it's now or never (also because we have a 6 year old).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this with business partners, but we were profitable immediately. Can he join the business and help while it goes to profitable without leaving his day job?

Unfortunately that isn't an option - the business centers around real estate that isn't local, so there would be some decent travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My hang up is that our mortgage is $4K per month so let's call that $50K per year. We also have a $45K private school tuition, plus $40K in nanny expenses. So that is $135K per year in basic post-tax expenses and clearly my salary doesn't come close to covering that.

I work long hours, and DH will as well in this new venture, plus he would be traveling quite a bit. So unfortunately the nanny has to stay because we have no local family, and we are not going to pull our daughter out of private because she is very happy there.

Second child aside, I only bring that up because kids are expensive and that would add to our outlay. I am 38 so it's now or never (also because we have a 6 year old).

So you have no savings to cover the lost income?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My hang up is that our mortgage is $4K per month so let's call that $50K per year. We also have a $45K private school tuition, plus $40K in nanny expenses. So that is $135K per year in basic post-tax expenses and clearly my salary doesn't come close to covering that.

I work long hours, and DH will as well in this new venture, plus he would be traveling quite a bit. So unfortunately the nanny has to stay because we have no local family, and we are not going to pull our daughter out of private because she is very happy there.

Second child aside, I only bring that up because kids are expensive and that would add to our outlay. I am 38 so it's now or never (also because we have a 6 year old).

How does your husband see this working financially? And what sacrifices is he willing to make beyond salary to make this happen? Does he expect your DD to be pulled out of private school? He isn’t putting up his own money to invest so is he planning to live off savings and investments? I’ve had friends that banked money for years and used that savings to SAH the first few years with their kids. If you have saved up money and kept your expenses in line so you can afford to forego salary for a bit, why not? Personally, I would be willing to move provided it wouldn’t add significantly to my commute and I would be willing to not sign the committment for private school the next year. I would not give up the nanny or having the second child.