DH job change

[Anonymous]

PP here. You do not need a $40k nanny with private at $45k or you are a troll. I call definite troll.

Assuming not troll, you need the nanny with a newborn but not a kid enrolled in elementary school. No half time preschool runs 45k around here. Thanks for trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. You do not need a $40k nanny with private at $45k or you are a troll. I call definite troll.

Assuming not troll, you need the nanny with a newborn but not a kid enrolled in elementary school. No half time preschool runs 45k around here. Thanks for trying.

I said my daughter is 6 - she is in 1st grade, not nursery school. And we have the nanny full time because she takes my daughter to school in the mornings, then picks her up and takes her to activities. DH and I currently have to be in early and the after care at her school doesn’t run late enough.

[Anonymous]

Chasing dreams is what you do when a failure harms only you, when you are only putting yourself at risk. The fact that you are even writing the post indicates that you don't have the financial cushion necessary for him to make the move without the potential of harming your family. Also, if he is not putting any money into the business, how will he have any equity stake in the business? The pie can only be cut into so many pieces and the investors will want their slices.

[Anonymous]

My DH is unhappy in his job and I have told him I support him 100% if he wants to change his line of work. I’m totally fine with downsizing.

However- your scenario sounds very risky. I’m surprised at all the posts telling you to support him. Your DH sounds exactly like the women who suddenly want to be entrepreneurs and follow their “dream” of selling Lu La Roe or essential oils or whatever. You two don’t have all the information needed to make such a huge decision, and it sounds like he is being guided by his emotions rather than logic and reason.

The business has only been around 6 months, you sound unsure how long he won’t have a salary, and the partner is bad with numbers which could lead to conflict down the road (I’ve seen cases where the partner who is bad with numbers spends way too much trying to “help” the business). I would want lots of proof indicating that the business will succeed and that he would have a salary guaranteed within a certain amount of time. The last thing you want is for things to fold, or for him to still not be getting paid 5 years later.

Is it possible for him to work on this business part time for 3-6 months before making a final decision? Most business owners I know worked on their business part time while still working their full time job. You would really have to step it up so he can work evenings and weekends, but it’ll mitigate the risk. I’d also want to see the business plan and your DH’s co-owner contract. If it sounds wishy-washy at all, then pass. He may also be able to negotiate some sort of salary. I understand investing back into the business, but most of the business owners I know who re-invested also took a small salary so they could at least put food on the table.

I also think he should look at other options to keep from getting attached to one specific outcome. It would be much better if he had 3-5 options to choose from, rather than getting his heart set on this one.

When you have a family, sometimes you don’t get your dreams 100%. You have to compromise. He may have to pass on this opportunity and look for other ones. If he’s motivated to change careers, he’ll find them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My hang up is that our mortgage is $4K per month so let's call that $50K per year. We also have a $45K private school tuition, plus $40K in nanny expenses. So that is $135K per year in basic post-tax expenses and clearly my salary doesn't come close to covering that.

I work long hours, and DH will as well in this new venture, plus he would be traveling quite a bit. So unfortunately the nanny has to stay because we have no local family, and we are not going to pull our daughter out of private because she is very happy there.

Second child aside, I only bring that up because kids are expensive and that would add to our outlay. I am 38 so it's now or never (also because we have a 6 year old).

In your original post you said that your apartment is paid for. Which is it? why change your story now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. You do not need a $40k nanny with private at $45k or you are a troll. I call definite troll.

Assuming not troll, you need the nanny with a newborn but not a kid enrolled in elementary school. No half time preschool runs 45k around here. Thanks for trying.

I said my daughter is 6 - she is in 1st grade, not nursery school. And we have the nanny full time because she takes my daughter to school in the mornings, then picks her up and takes her to activities. DH and I currently have to be in early and the after care at her school doesn’t run late enough.

You are seriously overpaying. Get rid of the full time nanny. Are you nuts? I still think you're a troll. If not, you can figure out. You can figure out before and after care much cheaper. A second baby would require that nanny. You're right, the window of making babies ends. Hard decisions. You need a PPT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My hang up is that our mortgage is $4K per month so let's call that $50K per year. We also have a $45K private school tuition, plus $40K in nanny expenses. So that is $135K per year in basic post-tax expenses and clearly my salary doesn't come close to covering that.

I work long hours, and DH will as well in this new venture, plus he would be traveling quite a bit. So unfortunately the nanny has to stay because we have no local family, and we are not going to pull our daughter out of private because she is very happy there.

Second child aside, I only bring that up because kids are expensive and that would add to our outlay. I am 38 so it's now or never (also because we have a 6 year old).

You spending $7,000/mo on one child sounds like the problem to me. That's double your mortgage and your choice. He should be able to follow his dream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My hang up is that our mortgage is $4K per month so let's call that $50K per year. We also have a $45K private school tuition, plus $40K in nanny expenses. So that is $135K per year in basic post-tax expenses and clearly my salary doesn't come close to covering that.

I work long hours, and DH will as well in this new venture, plus he would be traveling quite a bit. So unfortunately the nanny has to stay because we have no local family, and we are not going to pull our daughter out of private because she is very happy there.

Second child aside, I only bring that up because kids are expensive and that would add to our outlay. I am 38 so it's now or never (also because we have a 6 year old).

In your original post you said that your apartment is paid for. Which is it? why change your story now.

Nah, she said she owned it which is a different story - "2 bedroom apartment that we own"

Condos still have mortgages.

[Anonymous]

Your husband can probably negotiate with his new business partner so that he can go in a little later and you won’t need the nanny for morning drop off. Enroll your child in public school with its affordable aftercare, stay in your two bedroom apartment (or sell it and move to a cheaper house) and your husband can have his dream job and you can have your second child.

[Anonymous]

45k for first grade tuition!! Wow that’s expensive- and 40K for a nanny... I mean you are spending so much money for one kid... how would you afford a second?

[Anonymous]

How much money do you have saved up to help fund this year? You guys do not sound like you're in a position to get by on $150k. You've structured your life around a high income. Have dh show you the numbers as to how this could work.

[Anonymous]

How easily could DH get another job that pays like his current one if it doesn’t work out? Could he work a different schedule so you can drop the nanny? Do you have enough savings to live on until he’s making a salary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. You do not need a $40k nanny with private at $45k or you are a troll. I call definite troll.

Assuming not troll, you need the nanny with a newborn but not a kid enrolled in elementary school. No half time preschool runs 45k around here. Thanks for trying.

I said my daughter is 6 - she is in 1st grade, not nursery school. And we have the nanny full time because she takes my daughter to school in the mornings, then picks her up and takes her to activities. DH and I currently have to be in early and the after care at her school doesn’t run late enough.

You are seriously overpaying. Get rid of the full time nanny. Are you nuts? I still think you're a troll. If not, you can figure out. You can figure out before and after care much cheaper. A second baby would require that nanny. You're right, the window of making babies ends. Hard decisions. You need a PPT.

NP here. She's not a troll. A lot of us pay that much in tuition and have nannies. Just because you don't doesn't mean there aren't many others who do. So stop calling OP a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d prioritize my husband’s well-thought-out dream over an imaginary second child that doesn’t exist.

Why is his well thought out dream of a business more valid than her well thought out dream of a 2nd baby? My question would be: How old is OP? Do you have time to wait? How resentful will you be if this business fails? Will it wreck your marriage?

I think you really need to talk out various scenarios and potential outcoems and really strive to agree on a path forward that you can both live with, today and in the future whatever can comes to pass. Easier said than done of course.

Because he would be my husband. My true love. The only one on earth I chose over all others. You know, what women tend to forget when they have baby-brain (and yes, I am a woman). To be quite honest I think a large percentage of men would be fine without ever having children, let alone a specific number, and to this point he’s made every effort to give OP their first lovely child and a comfortable living. I don’t think it’s asking too much that he be given a chance at this career path. It sounds like OP is mostly on board except for having to do without some material luxuries they don’t really need, and waiting or compromising on another kid. Really not seeing much of an issue here.

Barf. You didn't know ALL, so you didn't choose from ALL. Cut the drama, will ya.

[Anonymous]

^^^the point is that, like most women, her husband, who is supposed to be the #1 priority, slips to like, third or fourth priority. Your marriage should be the utmost priority. Not a child-centered existence. What is going on here is a completely child-centered existence and an emphasis on material things. I feel bad for DH. He has an opportunity to fulfill his dream in what seems like pretty good and stable circumstances but OP’s desire for new cars and more square footage trumps everything.