Say something about carpooling parent with a DUI?

[Anonymous]

My neighbor is part of our carpool for a team sport and sometimes my daughter hangs out with her daughter. I just found out that the neighbor had a DUI recently and that her daughter was in the car when she got it (double checked on Maryland Judiciary Case Search). From what I saw at our schools foundation fundraiser, she and her husband are both heavy drinkers.
Is it better for the carpool to just quietly stop including her, or should we let this mom know why.

[Anonymous]

Well, the most important thing is to tell her she can't drive your kids anymore. Then if she asks why, to tell her the reason.

Have you talked to the rest of carpooling parents about this? Because you'd be surprised - some people don't mind others drinking and driving, especially if it means driving an extra day.

[Anonymous]

There’s a lot of moms who drink and drive after play dates and many just get “lucky” not to be pulled over. Depending on the circumstances, other parents may feel differently.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I was one of the last to know and no one wants her driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I was one of the last to know and no one wants her driving.

Good, that makes it easy, then. Have the gentlest among you give her the message.

[Anonymous]

Do other people in the group know about her DUI? If not, I would privately tell her that I'd rather not gossip about her so would she people remove herself from car pool. If everyone knows and has been talking, I'd pick one person to tell her that she won't be included in the future because of her DUI. I'd try to keep it clear and brief and unemotional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I was one of the last to know and no one wants her driving.

Good, that makes it easy, then. Have the gentlest among you give her the message.

Or the most blunt.

[Anonymous]

Tell her that she is no longer part of the carpool because of the DUI and that everyone will still continue to pick up her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her that she is no longer part of the carpool because of the DUI and that everyone will still continue to pick up her child.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her that she is no longer part of the carpool because of the DUI and that everyone will still continue to pick up her child.

+1

+2 Sucks that she can't help drive, but I wouldn't kick her daughter out of the carpool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her that she is no longer part of the carpool because of the DUI and that everyone will still continue to pick up her child.

+1

+2 Sucks that she can't help drive, but I wouldn't kick her daughter out of the carpool.

+3. This is the safest solution.

[Anonymous]

"Larla, we learned about your DUI. Being an alcoholic is nothing to be ashamed of, and we are really hoping you're getting the help you need. But as you can understand, since you don't have much time in sobriety, none of us is comfortable with you driving the carpool at this time. We're happy to keep transporting Gidget."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Well, the most important thing is to tell her she can't drive your kids anymore. Then if she asks why, to tell her the reason.

Have you talked to the rest of carpooling parents about this? Because you'd be surprised - some people don't mind others drinking and driving, especially if it means driving an extra day.

I certainly hope this isn't true. What a depressing thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I was one of the last to know and no one wants her driving.

Good, that makes it easy, then. Have the gentlest among you give her the message.

Or the most blunt.

+1

No need for gentleness with someone taking this kind of risk. With kids in the car! Not to mention to risk to others on the road. I have no patience for this. I mean come on. Get a cab or stay the f home. What is wrong with people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
"Larla, we learned about your DUI. Being an alcoholic is nothing to be ashamed of, and we are really hoping you're getting the help you need. But as you can understand, since you don't have much time in sobriety, none of us is comfortable with you driving the carpool at this time. We're happy to keep transporting Gidget."

LOL, what? Take out the flowery bullshit:

"Larla, we learned about your DUI. None of us is comfortable with you driving the carpool at this time. We're happy to keep transporting Gidget."