Say something about carpooling parent with a DUI?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her that she is no longer part of the carpool because of the DUI and that everyone will still continue to pick up her child.

This is what I would do.

[Anonymous]

MD Prosecutor here.

It's unclear if she's been convicted yet, but there's still a good chance she loses her license. If she refused the breath test or took it and was >.08, she'll lose her license 45 days after the incident (unless she takes some complicated steps, like fighting the case with the MVA, or having an ignition interlock installed in her car). If this was less than 45 days ago, the fact that she still has a license is meaningless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a grip, people. The woman made a mistake. And went through the judicial process to pay for it. She still has a license. How many of the carpool moms talk on the phone, text, or are otherwise distracted while driving? Would you cut a Mom from carpool for those behaviors, which can be just as hazardous as driving after a couple drinks?

I would.

Me too.

+1
I would not let my kid ride with someone who was texting and driving, or talking on the phone without one of those hands-free devices. (Honestly, I don't like it even with the hands-free devices.) Those are illegal behaviors that increase the chances of that person getting into an accident. Ditto for a DUI.

Also, how does she still have a license? Getting convicted of a DUI or DWI in Maryland carries an automatic suspension of your license for at least 45 days (the distinction between a DUI and DWI depends on your BAC). So if she didn't take herself out of the carpool, she's been driving other people's kids around when she had no license.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alcoholic or not, the woman has wildly horrible judgement. The DUI, and having the kid in the car, AND continuing to be part of a carpool?! This is a pattern. I don’t care if she’s an alcoholic or a problem drinker- she’s an idiot that can’t be trusted.

So you are for letting other parents at the school know about it? It's a big school, there are tons of parents in her grade that we don't know, and I do worry that something will happen. But, I also don't want this 13 year old to be ostracized. It's bad enough she very well could have been the minor in the car when the mom was arrested.

No, I would not be telling every other parent at the school I know. The only people I would alert are those who are likely to have her driving their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just let it go and avoid the awkwardness, she probably learned her lesson and won’t do it again.

Former prosecutor--I would not assume that. There's a reason that there are mandatory, and ratcheting, minimum sentences for repeat DUIs. Because they happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
"Larla, we learned about your DUI. Being an alcoholic is nothing to be ashamed of, and we are really hoping you're getting the help you need. But as you can understand, since you don't have much time in sobriety, none of us is comfortable with you driving the carpool at this time. We're happy to keep transporting Gidget."

LOL, what? Take out the flowery bullshit:

"Larla, we learned about your DUI. None of us is comfortable with you driving the carpool at this time. We're happy to keep transporting Gidget."

Agree. The first language is socially awkward and passive aggressive.

+1 you don't know anything about the situation, so keep it to the facts. We know, you're not driving our kids, we'll keep driving the kid.. and, don't ostracize and see how else you can help.

[Anonymous]

Do you know the circumstances of the DUI? What if she'd been out to dinner, had two glasses of wine and then got pulled over for something else and booked on suspicion?

Because to me, that's different than going out, getting loaded and blowing a 0.15 or something.

Neither one is great, but the second shows much worse judgment. She might also have strict rules about driving other people's kids after drinking. I have driven home from dinner after 1 glass of wine with my kid in the car (I weigh 160 lbs and have a decent tolerance) but would never drive someone else's kid after drinking anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know the circumstances of the DUI? What if she'd been out to dinner, had two glasses of wine and then got pulled over for something else and booked on suspicion?

Because to me, that's different than going out, getting loaded and blowing a 0.15 or something.

Neither one is great, but the second shows much worse judgment. She might also have strict rules about driving other people's kids after drinking. I have driven home from dinner after 1 glass of wine with my kid in the car (I weigh 160 lbs and have a decent tolerance) but would never drive someone else's kid after drinking anything.

This made me laugh. When I had a full DUI docket, I swear to God that everyone who was pulled over for drunk driving claimed that they had had "just two drinks." And always with dinner. And then they'd blow over the legal limit, which is basically not possible unless you weigh less than 100 pounds.

I don't know what you mean by "booked on suspicion." If you get pulled over and the cop suspects you're impaired, s/he'll probably administer a portable breath test, and then have you take an official Breathalyzer test. If you blow over the legal limit, you will be charged with a DUI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
"Larla, we learned about your DUI. Being an alcoholic is nothing to be ashamed of, and we are really hoping you're getting the help you need. But as you can understand, since you don't have much time in sobriety, none of us is comfortable with you driving the carpool at this time. We're happy to keep transporting Gidget."

DUI =/= alcoholic.

Plenty of non-alcoholics do it. It's always wrong and a danger to everyone...but this is insane.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Well, the most important thing is to tell her she can't drive your kids anymore. Then if she asks why, to tell her the reason.

Have you talked to the rest of carpooling parents about this? Because you'd be surprised - some people don't mind others drinking and driving, especially if it means driving an extra day.

This. You don't want her driving your kids at all. Drop out of the car pool quietly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just let it go and avoid the awkwardness, she probably learned her lesson and won’t do it again.

Former prosecutor--I would not assume that. There's a reason that there are mandatory, and ratcheting, minimum sentences for repeat DUIs. Because they happen.

New poster. Yeah, don't assume that. The mom of one of my son's former classmates has had several DUIs, during two of which, her daughter was in the car. One of those caused an accident. Her ex husband is now suing her for full custody with no visitation. She already was subjected to supervised visitation.

Whoever suggested dropping the mom driving in car pool, but everyone else still transporting the daughter, I think that's the nicest solution.

People who actually get caught for DUI, are VERY often driving and not getting caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not really up to you and the carpool to determine that she's an alcohol and intervene. As a part of dealing with the legal consequences of her DUI, she is very likely evaluating whether she has an alcohol problem and what to do about it. I would not go there.

Do not tell other parents unless you think ridesharing could be an issue.

Let the child stay in the carpool and tell the mom that because of the DUI, you guys will take over.

Please don't say you heard it from her daughter. If she really is an alcoholic, that could result in adverse consequences for the daughter.

[Anonymous]

Why the suggestion to treat this criminal with kid gloves? She endangered her life, the life of her child, and the life of everyone else on the road. Sorry, but I would be blunt. A DUI is unforgivable in my opinion. If she is irresponsible enough to drive after drinking, who knows what else she might do. I would let her know that you are not comfortable with her driving with your child because of the DUI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Threads like this really reaffirm how awful and judgmental most of you are. While I agree that it's a terrible think to drive under the influence, the reality is that you know NOTHING about the situation at all. Maybe you should try having an actual conversation with the woman or getting to know her before deciding on a course of action. There may be a reason why she still has a license. Did you, for instance, that a small woman (100 lbs) can be legally over the limit after one drink? Most of you probably don't think anything of driving after one drink. Now she may have had 4 scotch on-the-rocks, but you don't know that--or do you?

I routinely see people splitting a bottle of wine at lunch and then going to pick up their kids. I doubt most of them are pulled over. Ditto for the dads at happy hour. If you're really concerned, drive your own kids and don't drink at all.

I agree with all of that except that with a DUI I still wouldn't like her driving my child.

But all this talk of her being an alcoholic and tattling on her private affairs to other parents is simply holier-than-thou bullying. Mob mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Threads like this really reaffirm how awful and judgmental most of you are. While I agree that it's a terrible think to drive under the influence, the reality is that you know NOTHING about the situation at all. Maybe you should try having an actual conversation with the woman or getting to know her before deciding on a course of action. There may be a reason why she still has a license. Did you, for instance, that a small woman (100 lbs) can be legally over the limit after one drink? Most of you probably don't think anything of driving after one drink. Now she may have had 4 scotch on-the-rocks, but you don't know that--or do you?

I routinely see people splitting a bottle of wine at lunch and then going to pick up their kids. I doubt most of them are pulled over. Ditto for the dads at happy hour. If you're really concerned, drive your own kids and don't drink at all.

I agree with all of that except that with a DUI I still wouldn't like her driving my child.

But all this talk of her being an alcoholic and tattling on her private affairs to other parents is simply holier-than-thou bullying. Mob mentality.

+1

But DCUM lives for that stuff.