joint custody schedule with little kids

[Anonymous]

I'm going through a separation and wonder what has worked for folks when separating with little kids ( 2 kids, youngest is 3). We plan on doing joint custody, living very close to each other. Is moving them back and forth often better or worse for little people? As the mother i'm the default parent, but they are also attached to dad. Please no advice on sanctity of marriage, therapy, counseling, religion, etc. Been there done that.

[Anonymous]

What are the parents work schedule?
We did every other Wednesday after school to Monday morning school drop off to dads

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through a separation and wonder what has worked for folks when separating with little kids ( 2 kids, youngest is 3). We plan on doing joint custody, living very close to each other. Is moving them back and forth often better or worse for little people? As the mother i'm the default parent, but they are also attached to dad. Please no advice on sanctity of marriage, therapy, counseling, religion, etc. Been there done that.

Just because you’re the mother doesn’t make you the default parent.

Why not be with father every other weekend and on weeks when he doesn’t have kids two mid week days. Then eventually move up to week on week off durin summers once kids are a coupe years older. Split holidays.

[Anonymous]

One parent has weeks with kids. Other parents have weekends plus pick up after school one day a week and return home after dinner.

The 50/50 thing is not good for kids.

[Anonymous]

For younger kids, it's often recommended to see parents more frequently. At 4 my daughter started spending Sun/M/T with her other parent W/TH/F with me and alternating Saturdays. Mid week exchanges are at school (one parent drops off, the other picks up). My daughter would have a hard time doing a long stretch without seeing both parents. I think the people who say 50/50 is bad for kids aren't looking at the latest studies. Some kids so really struggle with transitions-for my daughter that part hasn't been a big deal, her issue is not being able to be with both parents at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For younger kids, it's often recommended to see parents more frequently. At 4 my daughter started spending Sun/M/T with her other parent W/TH/F with me and alternating Saturdays. Mid week exchanges are at school (one parent drops off, the other picks up). My daughter would have a hard time doing a long stretch without seeing both parents. I think the people who say 50/50 is bad for kids aren't looking at the latest studies. Some kids so really struggle with transitions-for my daughter that part hasn't been a big deal, her issue is not being able to be with both parents at the same time.

This makes the most sense and shows good parenting.

[Anonymous]

50/50 sucks. One parent will end up finding someone, and moving further away. Let the child have the main house and the main parent. The other gets the child every weekend or every other weekend. The back and forth so often is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I am the default parent, and I am the mother

Both of us are relatively flex with work , but we both work full time.

Thanks for the advice!

[Anonymous]

You should post on the Parenting - Special Concerns forum, where divorced parents post. Sorry about this, OP. It's very hard. In my case, I kept the house and have the kids Sun-Thurs to maintain routine and because my ex works long hours during the week. He moved to an apartment close by and gets them Fri-Sat. It's tough on all of us, but the close proximity is helpful.

[Anonymous]

I don't think either of us would be willing to give up weekends or do all of the weekdays without having weekends, and so alternating 50/50 would be for us. I guess my question is whether kids adjust well to the frequent back and forth considering everything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think either of us would be willing to give up weekends or do all of the weekdays without having weekends, and so alternating 50/50 would be for us. I guess my question is whether kids adjust well to the frequent back and forth considering everything?

Yes, they will adjust. The important thing is having both parents involved and kids going to each house and feeling apart of that home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should post on the Parenting - Special Concerns forum, where divorced parents post. Sorry about this, OP. It's very hard. In my case, I kept the house and have the kids Sun-Thurs to maintain routine and because my ex works long hours during the week. He moved to an apartment close by and gets them Fri-Sat. It's tough on all of us, but the close proximity is helpful.

thanks will do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One parent has weeks with kids. Other parents have weekends plus pick up after school one day a week and return home after dinner.

The 50/50 thing is not good for kids.

Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One parent has weeks with kids. Other parents have weekends plus pick up after school one day a week and return home after dinner.

The 50/50 thing is not good for kids.

Why not?

Wow. It's just horrific. I've talked with kids about this. Not one ever said they looked forward to constantly switching their bedroom every few days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One parent has weeks with kids. Other parents have weekends plus pick up after school one day a week and return home after dinner.

The 50/50 thing is not good for kids.

Why not?

Wow. It's just horrific. I've talked with kids about this. Not one ever said they looked forward to constantly switching their bedroom every few days.

Its not horrific. You are making it about your needs not theirs. Its a hassle changing houses but its life with divorced parents. Spending weekends and one evening isn't great with kids in activities and other stuff. Maybe you should just say no dad and only mom gets the kids. Hey, kids don't need their dads, right?