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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
joint custody schedule with little kids
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Anonymous
| I've heard many families are keeping a family home and each parent rents a studio so they can keep the stability in the kids' lives. If you can swing that financially, it sounds like a great idea to me. |
Anonymous
+1 It's tough on kids to be switching around |
Anonymous
| Most phycologists, psychiatrists, and pediatricians agree that 50/50 is tough on children. I worked in family law for a long time as a GAL and as a mediator. Parents love 50/50, mostly because no one wants to pay child support. Kids hate it. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
Its tuff on kids no matter what but seeing one parent one day a week or two isn't allowing them to be a parent or for kids to have a real relationship with that parent. I worked in that field too and it wasn't child support. Often one parent makes more and still pays child support. Usually the parent pushing for primary custody is because they want to get as much child support as possible. My husband's ex was like that. She refused visits and all kids of stuff. All the kids are pretty messed up. Its really sad that they didn't have their father as it was all about the money. |
Anonymous
It makes no sense as at some point one parent will want to remarry so what do you do? And, if each parent has more kids? |
Anonymous
| We did midweek switch with alternating weekends, worked out well. We live within a mile of each other. |
Anonymous
My parents had 50/50 custody. My sister & I switched houses once a week, not every few days. It wasn't ideal but it was far from "horrific" & allowed us to maintain close relationships with both parents & allowed them both to be truly involved parents, not just someone we had fun with on the weekends. We were (& still are) really grateful that we didn't just see our dad every other weekend (& maybe for one dinner during the week) like many of our friends with divorced parents. |
Anonymous
It would have been a disaster in our case. We completely disagree on how to run the house (furniture, organization, food, clutter, kids' responsibilities in it, etc.). |
Anonymous
You do it until it doesn’t work and hopefully the kids are older and can handle one week at a time with each parent. No custody arrangement will work from age three to 18- things change the kids change, what is best one them changes. |
Anonymous
It wouldn't have worked for me either. My ex-wife is a slob so every other week I'd be moving into the pigpen where the kids lived, then after a week I'd be moving to an apartment that the ex had a week to trash. |
Anonymous
| I have a friend who was divorced, had 50-50, and now his kids are grown and in their 30s. I have talked to those adult children several times because I wanted to find out how to run my household after divorce. They liked 50-50 because they got to see their dad often, they liked being at dad's house because he was low-drama and a good cook while mom was high-drama, a yeller, and didn't cook. Also, they each had their own room at dad's house. |
Anonymous
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For true 50/50 to work the kids absolutely need their own bedrooms, or similar set up at both homes.
I’ve seen kids have to spend half their lives on a pull out sofa or sharing bunk beds at the house of the parent who moved out. Eventually they don’t want to go there as much |
Anonymous
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We do:
Sunday am-Friday afterschool=Mom’s house Friday afterschool-Sunday AM=Dad’s house And Dad takes them out to dinner every Tuesday. For us this was a good balance. Kids have a consistent home base during the schoolweek, each parent has one weekend day to plan fun stuff and they don’t go more than a few days without seeing either parents. |
Anonymous
For school age kids I think a consistent home base during the school week is vital. Otherwise the kids will have to schlep massive amounts of stuff to school with them when parent B is picking up |