joint custody schedule with little kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do:
Sunday am-Friday afterschool=Mom’s house
Friday afterschool-Sunday AM=Dad’s house

And Dad takes them out to dinner every Tuesday.

For us this was a good balance. Kids have a consistent home base during the schoolweek, each parent has one weekend day to plan fun stuff and they don’t go more than a few days without seeing either parents.

For school age kids I think a consistent home base during the school week is vital. Otherwise the kids will have to schlep massive amounts of stuff to school with them when parent B is picking up

With kids as young as the OPs kids, the logistics of stuff are less important, but maintaining the level of contact with each parent that they had before the split is very important. We split the week with a 1st grader and it works fine. If she wants a different schedule as she gets older, we would definitely keep that under consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One parent has weeks with kids. Other parents have weekends plus pick up after school one day a week and return home after dinner.

The 50/50 thing is not good for kids.

Why not?

Wow. It's just horrific. I've talked with kids about this. Not one ever said they looked forward to constantly switching their bedroom every few days.

then why do the courts do it at all if it's so bad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do:
Sunday am-Friday afterschool=Mom’s house
Friday afterschool-Sunday AM=Dad’s house

And Dad takes them out to dinner every Tuesday.

For us this was a good balance. Kids have a consistent home base during the schoolweek, each parent has one weekend day to plan fun stuff and they don’t go more than a few days without seeing either parents.

and this was 50/50 custody just with Mom doing 6 days and running the family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think either of us would be willing to give up weekends or do all of the weekdays without having weekends, and so alternating 50/50 would be for us. I guess my question is whether kids adjust well to the frequent back and forth considering everything?

This isn't about what's best for the adults. You need to be willing to do whatever works best for the kids.

They will adjust, yes. You may need to look at a few days with each parent to start with, though. Ease them into a week without the other parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For true 50/50 to work the kids absolutely need their own bedrooms, or similar set up at both homes.

I’ve seen kids have to spend half their lives on a pull out sofa or sharing bunk beds at the house of the parent who moved out. Eventually they don’t want to go there as much

You are assuming kids had their own rooms before divorce. In addition, If kids care about that enough not to want to go, you are doing something wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through a separation and wonder what has worked for folks when separating with little kids ( 2 kids, youngest is 3). We plan on doing joint custody, living very close to each other. Is moving them back and forth often better or worse for little people? As the mother i'm the default parent, but they are also attached to dad. Please no advice on sanctity of marriage, therapy, counseling, religion, etc. Been there done that.

I think think this sentence is kind of a poisonous attitude

- person who's parents were divorced

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through a separation and wonder what has worked for folks when separating with little kids ( 2 kids, youngest is 3). We plan on doing joint custody, living very close to each other. Is moving them back and forth often better or worse for little people? As the mother i'm the default parent, but they are also attached to dad. Please no advice on sanctity of marriage, therapy, counseling, religion, etc. Been there done that.

You are NOT the “default parent”. Your children are not possessions bought at a department store. Your ego needs a serious reality check.

Also, they fact that you brought up “sanctity of marriage” tells me you were a cheater who got caught but feels entitled to be rewarded for your indescretions with custody of children. I, for one, hope you lose your case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do:
Sunday am-Friday afterschool=Mom’s house
Friday afterschool-Sunday AM=Dad’s house

And Dad takes them out to dinner every Tuesday.

For us this was a good balance. Kids have a consistent home base during the schoolweek, each parent has one weekend day to plan fun stuff and they don’t go more than a few days without seeing either parents.

This is what I'm planning to propose to my STBX, although I may also offer that the mid-week dinner be an overnight. We're also going to live very close together in the same neighborhood, so STBX may also opt to walk our DC to school some mornings to get more regular time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through a separation and wonder what has worked for folks when separating with little kids ( 2 kids, youngest is 3). We plan on doing joint custody, living very close to each other. Is moving them back and forth often better or worse for little people? As the mother i'm the default parent, but they are also attached to dad. Please no advice on sanctity of marriage, therapy, counseling, religion, etc. Been there done that.

You are NOT the “default parent”. Your children are not possessions bought at a department store. Your ego needs a serious reality check.

Also, they fact that you brought up “sanctity of marriage” tells me you were a cheater who got caught but feels entitled to be rewarded for your indescretions with custody of children. I, for one, hope you lose your case.

Wow, project much? I'm pretty confident that if OP added up the hours she spends on all the details of child & home care, she's the default parent. Most default parents don't make that up. Why would we? It's a miserable and sometimes humiliating way to be, and likely what lead to the demise of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through a separation and wonder what has worked for folks when separating with little kids ( 2 kids, youngest is 3). We plan on doing joint custody, living very close to each other. Is moving them back and forth often better or worse for little people? As the mother i'm the default parent, but they are also attached to dad. Please no advice on sanctity of marriage, therapy, counseling, religion, etc. Been there done that.

I think think this sentence is kind of a poisonous attitude

- person who's parents were divorced

Do you know what "default parent" means? There is a poisonous attitude involved, but it's usually not the default parent's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through a separation and wonder what has worked for folks when separating with little kids ( 2 kids, youngest is 3). We plan on doing joint custody, living very close to each other. Is moving them back and forth often better or worse for little people? As the mother i'm the default parent, but they are also attached to dad. Please no advice on sanctity of marriage, therapy, counseling, religion, etc. Been there done that.

You are NOT the “default parent”. Your children are not possessions bought at a department store. Your ego needs a serious reality check.

Also, they fact that you brought up “sanctity of marriage” tells me you were a cheater who got caught but feels entitled to be rewarded for your indescretions with custody of children. I, for one, hope you lose your case.

Spouse couldn't handle life so was definitely not the default parent or whatever you wish to call it - not whilst married and not after the divorce. Courts recognized that as well - inability to handle kids, schedule, decisions, parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard many families are keeping a family home and each parent rents a studio so they can keep the stability in the kids' lives. If you can swing that financially, it sounds like a great idea to me.

+1
It's tough on kids to be switching around

This seems like the fair thing to me too. Why should the kids have to suffer and constantly uproot their lives / never get to feel settled?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through a separation and wonder what has worked for folks when separating with little kids ( 2 kids, youngest is 3). We plan on doing joint custody, living very close to each other. Is moving them back and forth often better or worse for little people? As the mother i'm the default parent, but they are also attached to dad. Please no advice on sanctity of marriage, therapy, counseling, religion, etc. Been there done that.

I think think this sentence is kind of a poisonous attitude

- person who's parents were divorced

Do you know what "default parent" means? There is a poisonous attitude involved, but it's usually not the default parent's.

Yes I know what default parent means. 'They are also attached to dad' is a crazily dismissive statement. And it sounds like she will foster side picking between the parents, which is bad regardless of whether or not one parent is doing more work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through a separation and wonder what has worked for folks when separating with little kids ( 2 kids, youngest is 3). We plan on doing joint custody, living very close to each other. Is moving them back and forth often better or worse for little people? As the mother i'm the default parent, but they are also attached to dad. Please no advice on sanctity of marriage, therapy, counseling, religion, etc. Been there done that.

I think think this sentence is kind of a poisonous attitude

- person who's parents were divorced

Do you know what "default parent" means? There is a poisonous attitude involved, but it's usually not the default parent's.

Yes I know what default parent means. 'They are also attached to dad' is a crazily dismissive statement. And it sounds like she will foster side picking between the parents, which is bad regardless of whether or not one parent is doing more work.

Default parent can shift. I was the default parent until more recently after returning to work fulltime. Now DH and I share it - so it is correct that attachments and detachments can be encouraged. It seems that primary attachment to BOTH parents should be maintained as much as possible ESPECIALLY during a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Every other weekend, one evening dinner during the week every week.

Alternating holidays, alternating weeks in the summer, and a lot of flexibility.