HELP! Family Food Hell - Impossible to Cook for DH

[Anonymous]

DH is the pickiest eater alive. He refuses to eat any kind of seafood, most beans, avocados, artichokes, eggplant, zucchini, pumpkin, sweet potatoes, garlic, dill, cinnamon, basil, cabbage, mushrooms, olives, capers, blueberries, grapefruits, rhubarb, cherries, watermelon, Gorgonzola or blue cheese, apples, raisins, brown bread...and the list goes on. He will not eat any meat on the bone (i.e. only chicken breast or boneless cuts of pork or steak). He does not eat leftovers. Spaghetti can only be made with ground pork. Meat can only be sauteed in butter and sauces must be cream-based. I used to try to cook different things like osso bucco or fresh rolls or curries but after I spent a few hours making an elaborate meal he always revealed some new aversion.

Fast forward five years. We have two kids. DD is following in her father's foot steps. She doesn't like tomatoes, mushrooms, etc. I have tried the "eat this or go hungry" method but she seems able to subsist on thin air. Preparing dinner in our household involves many calculations. I can't convince 3yo DD that veggies are delicious when DH almost never eats them. I am becoming the short-order cook I said I'd never be. Please help me with suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like hell! Sorry, I don't have any advice. Can only offer commiseration. I'd hate to be in your shoes

[Anonymous]

i would tell dh to fend for himself. but i am a beyotch.

[Anonymous]

One unanswered question:

1) how often does DH cook? I'm guessing never or at most 1 night a week. Maybe that should change?

My philosophy is, you don't have to eat everything on your plate, but I will still put it on your plate, and for the kids, they will at least try it once.

Dad also should try to reign in his picky food attitudes around the kids especially. Is he even embarrassed that he's not more flexible? Seriously, I'm annoyed for you.

My husband doesn't like carrots, for example, so on nights when I want to give the kids carrots, I put 1-2 token baby carrots on his plate and he may nibble on one. We don't make a big stink that "Daddy doesn't eat carrots," etc.

Also, DH does more than 50% of the cooking, so sometimes there are fewer vegetables and more sausage that I would like, but hey, at least he's cooking!

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is the pickiest eater alive. He refuses to eat any kind of seafood, most beans, avocados, artichokes, eggplant, zucchini, pumpkin, sweet potatoes, garlic, dill, cinnamon, basil, cabbage, mushrooms, olives, capers, blueberries, grapefruits, rhubarb, cherries, watermelon, Gorgonzola or blue cheese, apples, raisins, brown bread...and the list goes on. He will not eat any meat on the bone (i.e. only chicken breast or boneless cuts of pork or steak). He does not eat leftovers. Spaghetti can only be made with ground pork. Meat can only be sauteed in butter and sauces must be cream-based. I used to try to cook different things like osso bucco or fresh rolls or curries but after I spent a few hours making an elaborate meal he always revealed some new aversion.

Fast forward five years. We have two kids. DD is following in her father's foot steps. She doesn't like tomatoes, mushrooms, etc. I have tried the "eat this or go hungry" method but she seems able to subsist on thin air. Preparing dinner in our household involves many calculations. I can't convince 3yo DD that veggies are delicious when DH almost never eats them. I am becoming the short-order cook I said I'd never be. Please help me with suggestions.

If he is so damn picky, then perhaps *HE* should do the cooking. I am sorry, but he sounds like a big baby.

I make dinner every night. Not every night can be everyone's favorite meal (even mine), but there is always something on the table that someone can eat -- ie, last night we had salmon, DD does not like salmon so she was able to make a meal out of the rice, asparagus and salad. In fact, this is how it usually works -- if she does not like the meat entree, she can make do with the carb (potato, rice or pasta) and veggie plus I almost always serve a salad as well (she also doesn't like tomatoes or mushrooms -- she just pushes them to the side with her fork -- win/win).

Truly, you need to put your foot down. My SIL makes 3 different dinners every night.

[Anonymous]

First tell DH it's time for him to learn to cook.

[Anonymous]

Uh, yeah, DH can figure out how to feed himself if he's that picky. I saw the same thing in my ex-boyfriend's family - everything dad disliked, the kids disliked - dad made it seem like certain foods (primarily condiments and spices) were poison, and the kids grew up with the same aversions. I personally hate brussel sprouts and cannot stomach lamb or certain seafoods that too closely resemble their living selves - but I fully intend to choke them down or fake it in front of my kids so they can decide for themselves whether they like it - not absorb my "fear" that certain foods are unpleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is the pickiest eater alive. He refuses to eat any kind of seafood, most beans, avocados, artichokes, eggplant, zucchini, pumpkin, sweet potatoes, garlic, dill, cinnamon, basil, cabbage, mushrooms, olives, capers, blueberries, grapefruits, rhubarb, cherries, watermelon, Gorgonzola or blue cheese, apples, raisins, brown bread...and the list goes on. He will not eat any meat on the bone (i.e. only chicken breast or boneless cuts of pork or steak). He does not eat leftovers. Spaghetti can only be made with ground pork. Meat can only be sauteed in butter and sauces must be cream-based. I used to try to cook different things like osso bucco or fresh rolls or curries but after I spent a few hours making an elaborate meal he always revealed some new aversion.

Fast forward five years. We have two kids. DD is following in her father's foot steps. She doesn't like tomatoes, mushrooms, etc. I have tried the "eat this or go hungry" method but she seems able to subsist on thin air. Preparing dinner in our household involves many calculations. I can't convince 3yo DD that veggies are delicious when DH almost never eats them. I am becoming the short-order cook I said I'd never be. Please help me with suggestions.

Curious - what happened when you made a meal that he didn't like? Did he try it? Sit there and pout? Make you prepare something else? Find himself something else to eat? Go hungry?

What would happen if you made these things anyway, and simply said to your family "This is what is being served for dinner tonight. No other options."?

[Anonymous]

Make full meals for your family. If they don't eat it they don't eat. (no toddler will intentionally starve, they will eat something, even if it is cheerios they s/he will help themselves to). Take the leftovers and place them in single serving freezer containers. When you have built up a nice stash hand off the cooking to your husband. Thaw one meal per day for dinner for you, because, as you will say, one should not waste food and you know, based on their past refusal, you are the only one who will eat them. You will eat the fruits of your labor, he will eat the fruits of his. I can't imagine this will last long and perhaps a more equitable system will emerge.

[Anonymous]

If he is so damn picky, then perhaps *HE* should do the cooking. I am sorry, but he sounds like a big baby.

Yeah, he really does.

I would make healthy, balanced meals that introduce my child to a variety of different foods. If DH doesn't like it, he can eat whatever portion of it he does like, or he can make himself a bowl of cereal.

I mean, honestly. Is he on an artery-clogging diet plan? Who in the world hates most fruits & vegetables and has to have all of their meat sauteed in butter and served with cream sauce. Is he purposely TRYING to give himself a heart attack?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the tips. I just remembered that he hates lamb, cucumbers, and brussels sprouts as well. When I cooked something with a verboten ingredient in the past -- like once I made veal cutlets but fried them in canola instead of butter -- he frowns, maybe takes a bite, and then gets takeout. If I cook with garlic or vinegar he wrinkles his nose as soon as he enters our apartment and complains about the smell. Pesto cannot be made in our home.

If he is too tired for takeout he will make a big shake for dinner using bananas, strawberries, the only two fruits he eats on a monthly basis, lots of milk and more ice cream. He says he cares about his health but he is not willing to change. I'm worried sick about his high blood pressure (he is 38) and the bad example for DD.

[Anonymous]

Wow - no real advice but I would be very frustrated too. Perhaps you should try a family counselor. Does he not understand this behavior will have an impact on his child?

Definitely would tell him he has to cook at least half the dinner each week - and they have to be dinners that are appropriate for his growing child. Shakes won't cut it.

[Anonymous]

WOW. I normally try to see both sides of things, but your DH is really kind of a massive douche on the eating front, and I hope he can start being a better role model for your DD. At least you are doing everything you can (and more than I ever could), and hopefully your DD will get more adventurous as she gets older. And there is hope, my 4 year old will try things that a year ago would make her cry if they were on her plate (things like watermelon or peanut butter).

On the other hand, I think it's ok to let your kids know there are certain foods you don't like. I don't like mushrooms. I will eat them in certain situations, but sometimes I just can't do it. Then again, it's ok when it's a few foods. When it's every food and you act like a giant baby about the whole thing, that's bad.

[Anonymous]

Give up on your husband and focus on your kids. You cannot make him change and he does not want to change. Get your kids involved in the shopping and cooking and make it fun and interesting for them, and plunk down a stack of takeout menus in front of him every night. Oh, and demand that he take out both a really good life insurance and disability insurance policy.

Seriously. Tell him you are washing your hands of any responsiblity for his eating and then do it.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PP you said forget about DH and just focus on the kids.

If this were my DH, and he weren't willing to step up and make meals he liked on a regular basis, I would agree to cook for him maybe a few times a year for special occasions, and would otherwise leave him on his own. I would also probably make 'family' meals for me and the kids *without* DH present, so that they wouldn't pick up on his bad eating habits.