HELP! Family Food Hell - Impossible to Cook for DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. As a distraught newlywed I asked my mom for advice and she said give him whatever he wants and don't try to force him to change. Often I will get the takeout that is acceptable to him but even that is not foolproof.

The other day I went to a deli and bought him his native beef stew, which he normally loves. It came with mashed potatoes. He would not eat it because he said that he can only eat that stew with fries. So I ended up eating it -- and the potatoes were fantastic! I hate wasting food. Many times I am afraid to buy something for him unless I am willing to eat it myself if it does not pass muster. He really likes rich, heavy food more than I do. I used to buy baguettes with Gruyere cheese for him. But then he got bored. It is hard to eat an entire baguette by yourself but I tried.


I appreciate the websites. DH is the pickiest eater I've ever met. It comforts me to know that he is not the only one.

I think this is about control and how far he can push you.

I totally agree. I think he's being manipulative. Stop catering to him. Cook a healthy dinner for yourself and your kids, and let him fend for himself if he doesn't want to eat it.

[Anonymous]

Your husband doesn't like garlic??? I'm sorry, that's just not human. (I'm kiiiidding. Please don't come on here and say I'm offending the anti-garlic establishment).

Really, this is what I would do:
1) stop catering to him. If you're doing the cooking, cook healthy meals. He either eats or he won't. He's an adult. Let him act like it. (I also believe his is being manipulative and controlling with his actions.)

2) Focus on the kids. How old are they? If they are old enough (imo, older than the toddler years) then they have to TRY things. And, dinner is dinner. If they don't eat it, that's it. They don't eat and nothing else until breakfast tomorrow.

3) In implementing 2) above, try to interchange things you know they will like through the week (i.e., a pizza night or a taco night) with things that are new.

4) Interactive meals. Make your own quesadilla, make your own pizza, etc.

Good luck. This would royally piss me off.

[Anonymous]

This is royally pissing me off, and I'm not the OP, and I don't have a DH who does this. I think the advice from your mom to cater to DH when you were newlyweds allowed him to set a pattern that has continued to snowball. I mean, refusing food because it came with mashed potatoes instead of fries?

I agree with the other PP's - cut DH completely out of food consideration. You make food for you and the kids, you and the kids can eat it, as the kids get older, they can start helping prepare foods with you.

[Anonymous]

I think he should seek therapy for his food aversions. I'm being serious. It sounds like a disorder. Don't know what it is, but surely there's a name for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he should seek therapy for his food aversions. I'm being serious. It sounds like a disorder. Don't know what it is, but surely there's a name for it.

The disorder is called "control freak" and has nothing to do with food and everything to do with making his wife feel bad on purpose because that how he inflates his own poor self-esteem.

That's my take on it.

[Anonymous]

Some practical advice-call a lumber store right now, have some 2x4s delivered. Go to your backyard or a convenient vacant parking lot and build a small structure that represents a home in a campy kind of way. Throw some old rugs and a hot plate in it. When your DH(?) returns home from work, take DH out side and introduce him to his new DH.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why this post outrages me so but it does. I have an irrational anger at this husband.

I agree with the other posters - I would simply stop putting up with this. It would be one thing to give up cooking healthy foods for someone who is eating them (as in a wife whose husband refuses to cook or help out) because then I would feel like, well, you don't want to put his health at risk by encouraging this take out habit.

But since he only eats crap, why not let him waste his own time and not yours? Cook healthy meals for you and your children, let him know he is welcome to start eating them whenever, but otherwise, let him eat what ever he wants.

What a controlling asshole. And I agree with the poster who suggested a disorder. There is something wrong with this man and you are not helping him by catering to him, and I would be very afraid he is passing his bad habits on to your children. This will sound cheesy and over-the-top to some but I firmly believe helping your kids to be okay about food, meaning liking healthy foods and enjoying a variety of foods in moderation, is one of the best gifts we can give to them. In a world where obesity and eating disorders are rampant, these habits start early and I would not want this guy influencing my kids around something as important as food and eating.

[Anonymous]

OP my hat is off to you for dealing with this -- like taking care of two kids isn't hard enough. What did you do when you were dating? Did he make you eat every meal at McDonalds : ) ? Good luck, I say make him make his own meals too -- you've done your best.

[Anonymous]

When we dated we both worked in jobs that required us to socialize 4 or 5 times weekly. He is still in that field and often has lunches out. If he is served something he hates (fish) in a business situation he just eats it and complains to me later. Oddly, I only have one food aversion: eggs. I eat everything else. Opposites really do attract!

[Anonymous]

It's interesting that he tasted the canola oil even when he didn't know about it. Canola oil is made from plants of the mustard family, and cabbage, broccoli, brussels sprouts, and so on are in the same family. Could he have been picking up some tiny bit of the chemicals that give the mustards their powerful smell and taste? I know a guy who says that a little bit of broccoli makes anything taste bitter.

Is it possible that DH is's a supertaster? The two of you might take a look at

http://ysm.research.yale.edu/article.jsp?articleID=77

No advice -- I wouldn't know how to handle it, but I'd probably start with a doctor. Best wishes; it's a tough problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we dated we both worked in jobs that required us to socialize 4 or 5 times weekly. He is still in that field and often has lunches out. If he is served something he hates (fish) in a business situation he just eats it and complains to me later. Oddly, I only have one food aversion: eggs. I eat everything else. Opposites really do attract!

OP, this is an example that your DH is controlling you. Obviously he is able to eat food he doesn't like. I think he takes all the crap from his day, and somehow takes it out on you by being a ridiculously picky eater. I say march him to marriage counseling right away! I don't know how you can stand his behavior. If he is THAT controlling about how/what you make for meals, then I'm betting that he is also a jerk to you in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Is this post from 2009 or 1959? It looks like the former but I swear it's the latter! Why on earth would you put up with manipulative, controlling behavior like that? And why on earth aren't you sharing cooking responsibilities if he is so damn particular? This doesn't seem that complicated to me. You are letting your husband treat you like a servant and now it's going to affect your daughter. I'd do therapy, a good talk or whatever you need to set him straight and have a partnership.

[Anonymous]

I seem to recollect a statement about ending such manipulation by not actually reacting to it? The wording was something like 'a controlling person only continues the behavior as long as the victim responds to the abuse..' If that's the case, please just stop indulging him. I'm sure some posters could come up with some good responses for you to arm yourself with...like "I recognize you are picky, but we don't want to be limited by your odd aversions to normal food. Please go eat your takeout in the corner"

[Anonymous]

OP, only you can figure out whether your husband is being manipulative or whether he does indeed have some disorder. I would take this up with his doctor first, a marriage counselor second, in order to rule out a physical/health problem and a mental health problem.

I agree with the poster who said to focus on your children. If you can, serve their dinners early so they aren't actually at the table witnessing your husband's attitudes toward food.

I think it's almost impossible to live a healthy life if you can't cook for yourself. Eating take-out or packaged foods for most of your meals is terrible for you. So I've been having my child cook with me since he was old enough to stand on a chair next to the kitchen counter. We shop together. We love to watch the food network together and then the food together. Go to farmer's markets. Find orchards where you can pick your own fruit. Plant a garden next summer. Make healthy eating a broader part of your life with your children. It can be a lot of fun and activities like that will probably have more impact than dad's wrinkled nose over a meal he doesn't like.

[Anonymous]

The title of your post is "impossible to cook for DH." That being the case -- why bother?